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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Married man asking questions about my sexual habits

192 replies

bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:16

This is dodgy isn't it? I've known him since we were children. Would you assume he was up to something?

OP posts:
KittensandKids · 04/10/2015 12:48

My male married friend done this to me, I haven't heard from him since I told him to fuck off because he was married. I think he was either on something or drunk but I was mortified. (I think he now too and so he should be)

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:49

Yes GinkyPig - if this was a man I didn't have that background with I would just have blocked him. In fact it has and I have! I spent a lot of time with their family when we were children so it feels harder to deal with.

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MissMarpleCat · 04/10/2015 12:50

Of course it's horrible that he's doing this to you. Be very careful or it could escalate in him pushing the boundaries further and further. He's clearly a sexual predator.

tribpot · 04/10/2015 12:54

I agree with GinkyPig, he's deliberately exploiting the family connection to make it embarrassing for you to confront him. I would block him on FB rather than just ignore, and I think you need to be prepared to tell his sister.

AdjustableWench · 04/10/2015 12:54

I've had conversations about sex with married men, and it's certainly possible to talk about sex without being flirtatious, but I don't think I'd be very comfortable if a man was asking questions about my sexual habits, or asking about my underwear. If I were you, I'd tell him to stop asking personal questions. If he didn't stop when asked, I'd consider it sexual harassment and block him on Facebook, and refuse to speak to him anywhere else.

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:57

This is what I was thinking - that people can have conversations about sex without it being flirtatious but then he said that if he was single he would want to have sex with me. So it does seem that he's up to something.

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WhereYouLeftIt · 04/10/2015 12:57

"I can't block him because our parents are friends and his sister is one of my oldest friends."
In which case I would forward his messages to your parents and his sister and ask their opinions of his comments.

This sort of behaviour thrives on secrecy. This sort of person depends on their victim being too polite or too naive (or too intimidated) to call them on it.

You might feel you can deal with this discreetly and not cause waves. THIS WOULD BE A MISTAKE. He will just switch tactics. Or he will switch victim to someone who doesn't have your ability to stop him.

Stop the secrecy. Make his actions known to everyone around you.

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:58

There is no way I would tell others about his behaviour - ever heard of shoot the messenger?

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specialsubject · 04/10/2015 12:58

come on, you KNOW decent normal men don't do this. Block him online, don't see him in real life and tell your family what is going on.

specialsubject · 04/10/2015 12:59

ps there is of course no way this is your fault! But he's harrassing you and you need to get it stopped.

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:59

Thinking about it if I did block him he would know why and he wouldn't be able to mention it to other people anyway.

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laflaca · 04/10/2015 13:01

You've had very good advice here, OP, please block him, and don't enter into any further communication with him. He's a predatory sleaze.

sleeponeday · 04/10/2015 13:03

I'd respond, "well, if it's not in a sexual way, shall I add your wife to this conversation, and cut and paste what you've said so far, so she can contribute her views? If the conversation is totally appropriate I take it you've no issue with that?"

He's a creepy little shit.

BrendaandEddie · 04/10/2015 13:03

This reply has been deleted

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sleeponeday · 04/10/2015 13:04

Thinking about it if I did block him he would know why and he wouldn't be able to mention it to other people anyway.

Quite. But you can make the threat.

Blocking is less hassle, agreed. I'd just want the fucker to squirm, but realistically he might try to get his own lies in first if you did that.

He's vile. His poor wife.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/10/2015 13:04

"I can't block him because our parents are friends and his sister is one of my oldest friends"

So the hell what?.

Is he a lot older than you OP?.

Abuse thrives on secrecy; do not keep this a secret any longer. He is also breaking the law here by sending you such communications in the first place.

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 13:06

No, actually he's a little younger but we are all about the same age.

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WeAllHaveWings · 04/10/2015 13:07

If you feel uncomfortable with this then set your boundaries firmly, next time he texts something inappropriate just text back, "stop texting me personal questions its grossing me out, next one I'll show your sister. subject closed. :)"

If he does text you anything personal again show his sister all the previous messages and ask her to have a word.

MissMarpleCat · 04/10/2015 13:08

our parents are friends
What do you think your parents would make of all this? If your dads anything like mine he'd punch his lights out.

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 13:09

My dad couldn't care less about my well being - I doubt he'd even flinch tbh.

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Fairenuff · 04/10/2015 13:10

You really need to ask if this is appropriate? Really?

Elendon · 04/10/2015 13:12

Block him. If anyone asks why you have done this, just tell them the truth. Make a screen copy of all messages before you do this.

TheStoic · 04/10/2015 13:16

Thinking about it if I did block him he would know why and he wouldn't be able to mention it to other people anyway.

Screen shot the conversations before you block him. Just in case.

BoldFox · 04/10/2015 13:18

be very careful. I was asked once by a mm how long it was since i'd had sex.

what a bizarre question. Just be very careful, if your single, and the herd catches a whiff of anything untoward, it'll automatically be all your fault because you're single and he's married, and that's the rule. So just give him the widest swerve you can. delete him from fb.

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 13:48

Yes BoldFox - that's exactly what worries me. It will certainly be my fault somehow! That's why I wouldn't tell his wife.

It may be that's he's doing this to a number of people besides me.

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