Married man asking questions about my sexual habits

[bodenbiscuit]

This is dodgy isn't it? I've known him since we were children. Would you assume he was up to something?

Telling someone to pipe down on a thread they have started is confrontational is it not loveyoutothemoon?

She's not suggesting anything of the sort.

God, if just stop talking to him, is that so difficult?

If = I would

You are a bit defensive with some posters. They are trying to help. China is not suggesting that.

I've sent him a message telling him not to talk about such things again.

I suspect that will be it tbh, I hope so. And I can show that I have told him to stop.

Once a year ??

Well you didn't try to help - you just said pipe down. Anyway I've dealt with it.

I was checking whether other people would consider that he was up to something bad.

Yes it seems to happen once a year around the same time ive noticed

I said others are trying to help.

Brill, hope he listens and leaves you alone.

This happened to me at one point. Old friend from high school- we are both married with children and at first when he started messaging me it seemed to be more of a catch up "Hey long time? how's the family? What's it like living abroad?" Just friendly chit chat. Then it became a bit overly friendly and he started saying how much he liked me back then and blah blah blah.. I kind avoided those statements and changed the topic (more to subtly get him to realize I wasn't going to play that game and move on)

Finally after a pretty mundane chat he suddenly came out with this crazy sex filled rant- I was so taken back that all I could answer with was "Uh.. wtf- I do not know what has happened here but that is so inappropriate I don't even know how to respond." He immediately apologized, said it was a mistake and that the drink had gotten to him and he disappeared. I absolutely believe he was hoping for some sexting and my immediate dismissal had stopped it.

I would stop beating around the bush with him. It didn't work for me, it won't work for you. If he continues though I wouldn't hesitate to block him. If people question it answer them truthfully. You didn't like the things he was saying to you and you put an end to it.

Once a year?! OP you're starting to sound like a drama queen what with that and your jumping down some posters throats with your dogged determination to read something into their posts that wasn't there.

Once a yr ffs! Maybe he was pissed.

Smashley - yes the way you describe it is exactly how it happened. Except this time it was worse and seemed more worrying. Anyway I've been direct with him and he responded with 'no problem, I completely understand' so hopefully that will be the end of it.

I think I felt that if I did this HE would say I was being dramatic or something. I don't think I'm going to hear from him again though! Thanks for your responses. I did not mean to jump down anyone's throat but I was not aware that it is suspect to have a conversation with someone who's married, just because they're married iyswim.

This time it was happening over several days

My goodness so much "victim" blaming.

So a person is innocuously chatting to a male friend on FB, like most of us do. Then he infrequently throws in some inappropriate sexual comments, to a person who is a family friend. The OP is quite reasonably asking for advice because she sometimes experiences boundary issues.

A group of women on a forum then lay into her. Jeez.

Then it was up to you to shut it down. I agree it's all sounding unnecessarily dramatic with talk of abuse and victim blaming.

SilverBirch - it's ok, I know that people on mumsnet (and generally) can be unsympathetic about others with boundary issues since I've been here 10 years! And it can be difficult to understand if you don't have that problem yourself and prompts people to say pull yourself together etc.

My reading of talk of abuse was about sexual predators grooming the people they intend to move in on.

I suspect the Op is more effective at closing him down, than she gives herself credit for, given the man doesn't do it very often. What she has now done after the advice on here is to be more direct at shutting him up than in the past. Hopefully that will be the end of it.

No I don't think I'm over dramatising by calling some of the comments on here "victim blaming". Certain men get away with inappropriate behaviour by preying on some women being too polite or unconfident to tell them to cease and desist. They are often good at spotting the type of woman that finds it difficult to tell them to fuck off. It is NOT that woman's fault, it is the man's.

I think I felt that if I did this HE would say I was being dramatic or something.

So I think the thing to take away from this unpleasant experience is that it doesn't matter what someone else thinks or says. So what if he said you were being dramatic? You had a situation that made you uncomfortable, you had the absolute right to say that it did and ask that it stop immediately. His opinion about your behaviour is not more important than yours.

X-post!

You're right tribpot.

I don't think it's correct to say that it was up to me to shut him down as if he can't help his own behaviour. He shouldn't have put me in the position in the first place. And I was previously unknown to him then I doubt he would have.

Meh, you said you keep getting messages about sex from a married man. When you were advised to block him you said you couldn't as he was a family friend. Respondents advised you not to bother with him anyway as he's a sleazy creep.

I can't understand what it is you are struggling with here. You seem determined to make this into something else.

Why are you still having a go at me when I've dealt with it and asserted myself with him?

I'm not having a go. We all agree he was the arse. No one said he can't help himself!

However I don't think continuing to contact him is particularly sensible.