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Original poster

How would you react to this?

268 replies

jorahmormont · 17/09/2015 18:41

OH showed me a message he received today from one of his close friends. They have known each other slightly longer than I've known him, and we all see each other every now and then.

She is DD's godmother. Before I got together with OH, he had a crush on her, but never acted on it. We got together shortly afterwards and he didn't speak to her for a long time as she moved away. She has recently split from her boyfriend and moved back to the area, and so we are seeing her more often.

OH has received a message from her apologising if she acted weird over the weekend and yesterday (he went to do a hobby with his family, which she also does - I stayed at home with DD), but she admitted in the message that she is in love with him, and has been for a long time. She said she would never want anything to happen now, as she described our family as "awesome" and said that we work together, but she admitted that she thinks about what would have happened if they'd gotten together, and she had to tell him that she loves him and regrets not acting on it sooner. She said OH didn't have to keep it a secret from me, and was happy for me to see the message.

My initial reaction was to shrug it off - fair play it must have taken some balls for her to write that, and if she was happy for me to see it, she can't be expecting anything to happen between them. It's only as the day has gone on that I've wondered if maybe I should be more bothered by it, but I can't figure out why. I don't know if it's because I feel like I don't understand why she had sent it now after all this time, just when we've started seeing more of her. I don't know how to feel, basically, and I'm wondering if you would react like me and just shrug it off, or whether you'd feel odd about it?

Sorry it's a ramble.

OP posts:
Orangeisthenewbanana · 18/09/2015 18:04

Exactly what Cate said. If your IL's run the hobby locally, I would definitely tell them what's happened so they can either ask her to leave or keep an eye on her. Preferably the former!

lotsoffunandgames · 18/09/2015 18:39

It sounds like you both reacted well.but I would still tell fil and tell this woman that she can't go to the hobby.especially not camping with him fgs!

thehypocritesoaf · 18/09/2015 18:52

Nah, it's not a major issue.

She is nothing to you- repeat.

amarmai · 18/09/2015 18:56

you said fil can help . It's time to call in the Light Brigade. Either that or you might be going on the hike and camping with or without your dd. She's not going to give up- just pulled back a little and waitng for the next opportunity.

Regularhiding · 18/09/2015 19:13

yes, hound the evil witch out of the hobby.

Better still, hound her out of town,or arrange a public flogging; wait, is burning at the stake still illegal?

FFS you lot, have you never sent a drunken text you later regretted?

And you wonder where the term "nest of vipers" comes from ?

APlaceOnTheCouch · 18/09/2015 19:50

'Have you never sent a drunken text you later regretted?'
To an ex, yes. To a married friend suggesting I'm up for an affair - never. I don't think it's a particularly high standard to aspire to that you don't try to wreck marriages whether drunk or sober Hmm

TheDowagerCuntess · 18/09/2015 19:55

FFS you lot, have you never sent a drunken text you later regretted?

LOL. Nice one.

pictish · 18/09/2015 20:09

FFS you lot, have you never sent a drunken text you later regretted?

It is without hesitation I can tell you I have never sent a declaration of love to someone in a relationship with a child, no. Drunk or otherwise. Have you?

Orangeisthenewbanana · 18/09/2015 20:33

Erm, no. I've never texted (drunkenly or not) to basically let a married man, who is also the father of my goddaughter, know that I'd be up for a relationship with him if he fancied it Hmm.

stargazing2015 · 18/09/2015 20:41

Not read the whole thread but this woman is a nutter. Bin her. Both of you. United front. Ugh. Double ugh. What the fuck is she thinking

springydaffs · 18/09/2015 20:57

'Nutter' could suggest 'harmless'. I don't think this woman is harmless. I do think she is a very real threat.

Sorry to whip you up into a frenzy op but I think it is appropriate. Now and again a real bad sort turns up - it's relatively rare but I think she's one of them. I honestly think you have to act brutally. United front. GET RID OF HER.

Baconyum · 18/09/2015 21:20

"FFS you lot, have you never sent a drunken text you later regretted?"

1 no because alcohol doesn't change your personality just lowers inhibitions

2 she didn't send a text immediately she realised apologising etc

3 she wasn't drunk when she suggested the zoo trip, was acting in her own words 'weird' around op's husband at hobby, wanting to go on the camping trip.

Repeat

GET HER OUT OF YOUR FAMILY'S LIFE ASAP

winkywinkola · 18/09/2015 21:26

No, I don't think it's a major issue.

You and your dh are united therefore it's not a problem that will grow.

Ignore from now on. No oxygen to the fire etc. Nothing.

She is probably very embarrassed now. If not, then ignoring will do the trick.

And you don't have to tell her she's no longer your dd's godmother unless she's played a very active role.

FantasticButtocks · 18/09/2015 21:26

There's no way she's going camping with your DH ffs!

It is an issue, yes. But you need to deal with it, and immediately. Shut her down. Then it will be an issue no more.

To the person asking haven't you ever sent a stupid drunken text - no I haven't. (But when I was young enough to do that, mobiles hadn't been invented)

And I don't believe that very belated claim anyway. She was well aware of what she was doing. But not getting the response she wanted, and knowing he'd shared it with you, she had to try to excuse her behaviour. She was bluffing testing the water by suggesting he show her message to you... But he called her bluff. This has backfired on her, but she had probably already decided that if she didn't get the right response she would claim 'drunken responsibility'. Think that could have been her plan 'b'.

She has been extremely selfish, a bad friend and rather disingenuous with it. I'd be wanting to cut her off completely. Otherwise she has an excuse to talk to your DH about this further, in the guise of honesty between friends, while keeping his attention focussed on her. Camping indeed Angry Just no.

Original poster
jorahmormont · 18/09/2015 21:27

I'd believe the 'drunken text' if she hadn't waited for him to respond before apologising.

I'm not suggesting that we flog her or anything, I didn't think I was being particularly harsh on her so I don't understand the need for your snarky reply regular

OP posts:
thehypocritesoaf · 18/09/2015 21:29

Your right, jorah.

If it were a drunken disaster she would have texted when sober- "please ignore my drunken rumblings/mortified" etc not waited for his reply.

FantasticButtocks · 18/09/2015 21:30

I'd believe the 'drunken text' if she hadn't waited for him to respond before apologising. Quite.

FantasticButtocks · 18/09/2015 21:34

Sorry, meant to say: Otherwise she has an excuse to talk to your DH about this further, in the guise of apologies and discussion and 'honesty between friends', while keeping his attention focussed on her.

CateCadiz · 18/09/2015 21:58

Assuming she isn't suffering from any health issues, that was a helluva lot more than a "drunken text". On the contrary, the audacity and underlying arrogance is quite breathtaking. Why didn't she tell Jorah's OH face to face? Why insist that J should be told, especially at a time when she is stressed out. Why? Because she wants to cause as much chaos as she can.

amarmai · 18/09/2015 22:10

far from being harsh op, i am wondering why you are holding back on definitive action to shut this predator out of your family circle. Is it your dp who does not want to exclude her?

springydaffs · 18/09/2015 22:17

Let's not forget she sent an innocuous text the next morning, asking dh something bland about the hobby, was it. No, she knew exactly what she was doing.

And still is!

Original poster
jorahmormont · 18/09/2015 22:24

amarmai At the moment, as there's no danger of us seeing her at the moment, I'm keen to avoid drama as much as possible really. I want to get these tests out of the way and I think DP feels the same way. If she backs off now and doesn't turn up to the hobby, great. If she does turn up, or keeps messaging OH, that's when we'll have to kick it up a bit and shut her out completely.

OP posts:
amarmai · 18/09/2015 23:48

yy to staying calm but she has already messaged you dp re the hobby. She'll be there. take care of yourself and be well.

cremeeggboycotter · 18/09/2015 23:49

She's writing that because she's hoping he feels the same way. She tested the waters and if he'd bitten back then she'd be his OW by now.

Isetan · 19/09/2015 07:29

She's making a play for your DH in plain sight

^ This ^

Let your DH handle her but tell him that she is obviously no friend to your marriage. Placating her, could intensify rather than extinguish her feelings so he will have to be careful.