How would you react to this?

[jorahmormont]

OH showed me a message he received today from one of his close friends. They have known each other slightly longer than I've known him, and we all see each other every now and then.

She is DD's godmother. Before I got together with OH, he had a crush on her, but never acted on it. We got together shortly afterwards and he didn't speak to her for a long time as she moved away. She has recently split from her boyfriend and moved back to the area, and so we are seeing her more often.

OH has received a message from her apologising if she acted weird over the weekend and yesterday (he went to do a hobby with his family, which she also does - I stayed at home with DD), but she admitted in the message that she is in love with him, and has been for a long time. She said she would never want anything to happen now, as she described our family as "awesome" and said that we work together, but she admitted that she thinks about what would have happened if they'd gotten together, and she had to tell him that she loves him and regrets not acting on it sooner. She said OH didn't have to keep it a secret from me, and was happy for me to see the message.

My initial reaction was to shrug it off - fair play it must have taken some balls for her to write that, and if she was happy for me to see it, she can't be expecting anything to happen between them. It's only as the day has gone on that I've wondered if maybe I should be more bothered by it, but I can't figure out why. I don't know if it's because I feel like I don't understand why she had sent it now after all this time, just when we've started seeing more of her. I don't know how to feel, basically, and I'm wondering if you would react like me and just shrug it off, or whether you'd feel odd about it?

Sorry it's a ramble.

[Atenco]

Grim and pathetic, but your DP sounds ace.

I think I'm falling in love with him myself.

[Mrsfrumble]

Perv mirror?? I was embarrassed on her behalf over the daft declaration of love, but that's beyond cringeworthy!

[springydaffs]

I wouldn't wait for another incident before telling FIL iiwy.

Who cares what she thinks (re not bringing it up again) - she has shown her hand as a predator. Take charge on this.

[amarmai]

All sorts of things will pop up in you and your dp's minds and say' hey take another look at this.' Nothing subtle about that one. She's more direct when it's only men there. I would think when she had your dp 1 on 1 that there were a lot of winks, hints and nudges - unless she was being more careful out of respect for your dd . Your minds will work on it subconsciously.

[Starkswillriseagain]

Agreeing with amarmai. I once had someone confess to infatuation love with me (also been there myself), looking back with hindsight there were so many hints and so many blatant things I passed off as banter.

[TendonQueen]

That puts it beyond doubt. In your DP's shoes I would tell his friends at the hobby what's gone on, showing them the text as proof, and say he is now so uncomfortable being around her that he will have to leave the group if she doesn't. Then I would guess they as his mates will back him up and someone can tell her it's not appropriate for her to continue attending. Any more opportunities for her to make remarks, try stuff on etc have to be cut off. Plus if you tell other people it makes it clear she is the deluded one, rather than ending up with her spinning a story about how mean you've been to her.

[TheUrbaneFox]

lol at perv mirror! wow. she's flirtatious for a shy woman. I'd love to have said 'it's actually the rear view mirror "

[Baconyum]

Admittedly I can only say what I would do and that's based on my personality which is to be straightforward. I'd be calling her and telling her to get lost out of all our lives in no uncertain terms!

There is no innocence in any of these actions of hers. What a despicable woman, especially when she knows what you're all going through right now!

OP I do hope your test results are good for you.

[Starkswillriseagain]

I'd be calling her and telling her to get lost out of all our lives in no uncertain terms!

She'd likely take no notice, it would be coming from OPs DH that would have a reaction.

[Baconyum]

True - get dh to tell her to bugger off then!

[jorahmormont]

Quick update - all went silent for a while. The scan is tomorrow and, surprise surprise, she's 'suddenly' contacted DP, telling him all about her date with someone she met online.

I'm torn between thinking oh fuck off, why do we care and why would you only send that right when you know the stress is amping up again, and thinking well at least she's someone else's problem.

[DoJo]

Oh dear- it sounds like she can't resist the opportunity to stir things up and, presumably, is hoping to make your partner 'jealous' by mentioning this date - as if he cares! If I were him, I would reply saying that neither of you are really interested in hearing from her at the moment and you're sure she appreciates that you couldn't care less about what she's up to.

She is definitely not taking the hint that you don't need her nonsense at the moment - she may pretend (or even believe it herself to some extent) that she's just trying to show that she's 'moved on' but I bet there's at least a small part of her that's hoping your partner will be disappointed that she isn't pining for her. She shouldn't be trying to save face or prove a point - she should be leaving your family alone to get through this difficult time without additional drama.

Good luck for tomorrow - I will be keeping my fingers crossed for good news.

[Starkswillriseagain]

Why doesn't your DP tell her to fuck off, or something less sweary but cuts her cold?

Or better still just ignore her and distance himself? Watsapp have a great blocking system if she uses that...

[bjrce]

She's trying damage limitation here!

She knows she did wrong, she's trying to backtrack so she doesn't get her sorry ass, kicked out from the hobby.

There's a good chance, no "on-line date" actually exists. she knows, there's no chance either one of you will be getting to meet this "on line" date.

So, she's either backtracking, or still testing the waters with him, to see how he reacts!.

She a devious little bitch!

I hope all goes well for you tomorrow. Everything will work out fine for you both.

[lotsoffunandgames]

Half of me would want to text back something scrappy. But really just ignoring her would piss her off more and send a signal to her that she is not important and has burnt her bridges.
Good luck with the scan.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

Why on earth does she think he cares?

God, she is a one-woman cringe-fest.

Why she thinks these random acts of desperation would make her seem appealing to a taken man is the mystery of the century.

[Baconyum]

Trying to make him jealous?

Echoing what others have said, why have neither dp nor you told her to fuck right off??

Good luck for scan tomorrow

[jorahmormont]

We're ignoring her, I think it'll drive her even crazier to be sat there, waiting for a reply and not receive one. Replying is just feeding this attention craving she's got.

Thanks everyone

[BoldFox]

I think you're right. If you told her to ''fuck off'' she'd spin it round that you were jealous and insecure and that your htb has a massive big head and over reacted to a few mildly flirtatious texts and that the two of you are a small town unsophisticated couple. You've told her once. Not communicating with her now reinforces that. Any communication now would be like you owe her an explanation!

[pictish]

Is she not just trying to illustrate that she has moved on and won't be pursuing the matter any further?
That's how I'd take it.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

Regardless, ignoring her is the best option. Starve her of oxygen and hopefully she'll just go away. She's not wanted or needed.

[BoldFox]

Oh I missed her online date text. Yes, saving face. It's either ''speak now or for ever more hold your peace'' kind of thing, or it's "i've moved on" and drawn a line under it.
Your htb gets to decide. Silence best I think.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

And if she is trying to illustrate that she's moved on and won't be pursuing things - that's no doubt purely because she worries that her actions will leave out in the cold, ostracised by you, and by the hobby group.

Her chickens are coming home to roost.

[BoldFox]

Yes, so in her situation, she needs to get a mcboyfriend quick

[Jux]

Block her on phones and devices, on fb and everywhere else. She might as well have made a physical pass at your dh. Treat her as if she did. Tell people.