How would you react to this?

[jorahmormont]

OH showed me a message he received today from one of his close friends. They have known each other slightly longer than I've known him, and we all see each other every now and then.

She is DD's godmother. Before I got together with OH, he had a crush on her, but never acted on it. We got together shortly afterwards and he didn't speak to her for a long time as she moved away. She has recently split from her boyfriend and moved back to the area, and so we are seeing her more often.

OH has received a message from her apologising if she acted weird over the weekend and yesterday (he went to do a hobby with his family, which she also does - I stayed at home with DD), but she admitted in the message that she is in love with him, and has been for a long time. She said she would never want anything to happen now, as she described our family as "awesome" and said that we work together, but she admitted that she thinks about what would have happened if they'd gotten together, and she had to tell him that she loves him and regrets not acting on it sooner. She said OH didn't have to keep it a secret from me, and was happy for me to see the message.

My initial reaction was to shrug it off - fair play it must have taken some balls for her to write that, and if she was happy for me to see it, she can't be expecting anything to happen between them. It's only as the day has gone on that I've wondered if maybe I should be more bothered by it, but I can't figure out why. I don't know if it's because I feel like I don't understand why she had sent it now after all this time, just when we've started seeing more of her. I don't know how to feel, basically, and I'm wondering if you would react like me and just shrug it off, or whether you'd feel odd about it?

Sorry it's a ramble.

[Amazemedontbeacunt]

I think DH needs to add into the message he sends it's irrelevant that she thinks he has an awesome family and wouldn't want to split it up as he has no and will never have any intention of doing so anyway regardless of what she wants as he loves you and not her.

[amarmai]

i 'm remembering your thread about the friend who suggested she take your dd-her gd- to the zoo with your dp and that you should not come! she sent that sweet message to your dp also didn't she ? The purpose was for her to build a relationship with her gd?? Yeah sure . This woman has been trying it on for a while. Surely your dh is aware of this ? Def tell your fil and have him tell her not to come to any more of this hobby -whatever it is-weekends. And give up this urge to be pleasant and polite with an enemy who has been shooting across your bows for a while and has now come completely into the open with a full on attack. She is counting on you to be nice and polite. Give her the shock of her life and let her find another target. What gall! Stand up for yourself op, and you dh and your dd.

[Baconyum]

Oh I remember that thread now.

DEFINITELY get her out of all your lives asap

[TheStoic]

Incredibly selfish behaviour. I'd be livid.

BUT...she has done you a (kind of) favour. Much better that it's out in the open, and she is in plain sight.

You need to respond jointly, acknowledging her statements and thanking her for giving you all the chance to ensure nothing inappropriate ever happens. Obviously your family will no longer be in contact, and you wish her all the best.

[goblinhat]

I wouldn't be livid OP- and I wouldn't be be involving fil too much.

She is seeking attention, she will feed off your anger. I would keep it very brief and simple.

A quick text to tell her that the text was unwelcome, then drop all contact.
She is a bunny boiler and doesn't deserve all this energy.

( and exactly the sort of reason I was suggesting upthread thet an ex flame is an unsuitable god parent- you thought you knew her but your judgement was wrong. Old flames are best avoided)

[fruitlovingmonkey]

What amazeme said. I can understand why you want OH to reply for himself but he needs to make it clear that he isn't interested. How fucking rude that she assumes if she'd asked him out he would have gone for it. The quip about not wanting to break up your awesome family is also arrogant. She can try but she can't break up your family.
"I'm not attracted to you and we wouldn't have ever got together, never mind when I have an amazing partner. We are going through a difficult time (as you know) and we don't need negative people around us. You are no longer welcome near my awesome family."

[Orangeisthenewbanana]

Sorry you're going through this OP, especially at such a difficult time. I'm another one who thinks a no-nonsense, united family front telling her she is no longer welcome in your lives/hobby is the way to go. She needs to hear it loud and clear from your DH that she is completely out of order, and from your pov, I would want as many people on my side (IL's for example) and keeping an eye on her as possible, in case she were to try anything in the future.

I would not want to be in the same townroom as her after this, let alone have her continue to do this hobby with my DH. If you take a softly softly approach, she will continue to think she may be in with a chance. Let her know she has behaved appallingly and that you have seen right through her "innocent" and utterly unnecessary message. Then cut all contact from your family with her for good.

[pictish]

Just tell him to keep it brief and clear.

"Xxxx, I have read your message and will keep my response simple.

I am in love with Jorah and we are in a committed relationship with a daughter, as you know. I was taken aback that you would drop bold sentiments of historical undeclared love on it like that. I had no idea. I have to tell you that for the most part it made me feel uncomfortable and dismayed.

To be honest, I found some of your comments disingenuous. If you think our family is 'awesome' and you had no intention of doing anything as you claim, you would have kept your feelings to yourself. That you didn't, means I can only assume you hoped they would be reciprocated. I'm respectfully making it clear now that they are not. Nothing will happen between us.

I hope you will move on from this and find happiness elsewhere.

Dan (or whatever)"

[thehypocritesoaf]

That's not brief

I always think it's far, far more dismissive to just do a curt reply. Shows you haven't thought much about it (even if you have)

'Oh ok, awkward. Think it's best we cut contact then. dh and dw.

[pictish]

I think it's brief but then, I am a talker.

[pictish]

Yours is good too.

[thehypocritesoaf]

[FantasticButtocks]

His focus is on you and your health. She wants his focus to be on her.

Brief response, nipping her drama in the bud.

We are both appalled and dismayed surprised that you should decide to make this selfish declaration, especially when you know how concerned we are right now with op's health. Obviously, contact between us will no longer be possible.

[Jux]

Hypocrite's or FantasticButtocks' text. The sooner the better.

Hope your health improves and the tests are easy on you and give a good result.

[springydaffs]

Perfect, bollocks.

But then brace yourself for the histrionics - she has no shame. As matrix et al have suggested, step this right up with all concerned, get everyone (ILs) fully onside BEFORE the teary, doe-eyed onslaught swings into action.

This devil woman needs to be cut out in entirety, nothing subtle or even half decent: swift, harsh, conclusive.

[springydaffs]

Perfect, buttocks

[springydaffs]

Tell them about the zoo as well - don't hold back through embarrassment.

[wallywobbles]

I think I would say to her that on reflection you have decided that she is not a suitable godmother for your child as it appears she is making a play for the married father of her godchild. So as such not really in the (Christian) spirit of the role.

[jorahmormont]

Well, she's replied to say she was out of order and wasn't thinking straight when she sent it. I suspect alcohol may have actually played a part. She said it was inappropriate of her and worded badly and she knows it will always feel awkward now, but that she is sorry.

I have no idea what to think. The timing is pissing me off completely.

[thehypocritesoaf]

I'd leave it- no reply. No drama.

But channel Michael corleonne after his brother betrayed him. 'You are nothing to me'. Then sometime later take her out on a rowing boat.

[BathtimeFunkster]

Just carry on with cutting her out.

You don't get to lob a bomb into someone else's relationship and then go "woopsie!" and have it all forgotten about.

[pictish]

Well she didn't get the response she was looking for, so has backpedaled like hell. Let's hope she's dying of mortification eh?

Did he reply in the end? Or did his silence speak volumes.

[LovelyFriend]

oh yes she has drawn her line in the sand and is challenging your P to step over that line and into her arms.

I don't see how your P and your family can continue a relationship with her really. She would happily be involved in the break up of your family and relationship if she could.

[FantasticButtocks]

I would respond. She is trying to sweep it under the carpet (to be reviewed later)

Yes that was inappropriate. So we'll be keeping our distance.