Husband playing mind games - please help

[Samantha28]

Back story - 6 months ago, H announced out of the blue that he was leaving ( married 15 years , 3 kids ) . He told me he'd found a house and wanted me to sign documents that released money from a business we both own to buy it .

I was in state of shock , came on MN. Everyone said " agree to nothing until you've spoke to lawyer . I assumed there was OW but couldn't find any evidence and Dh denied it .

Lawyer said - don't agree to anything, try to keep everything stable for the kids , get him to wait for a couple of months until teenager sits exams ( well she said a lot more but that's the relevant bit ) .

Dh agreed to wait a few months , he moved into the spare room under a pretext for kids and we are in the process of selling the business we own jointly . This will give me enough money to buy him out of the house and to afford to live here without his income .

Teenager finishes exams in the summer and Dh suddenly announces that he wants to stay and " try to make it work " . I'm a bit shocked and don't know what I want . I assumed he had been dumped by OW. So talked to a counsellor and decided to give it a few months to see what happens.

Dh does nothing different , just goes on living in the spare room and leading his own life. Only difference from 6 months ago is that he does his share of child taxi duties ( which as very onerous are our kids do a lot and we live in the country ) . He does NOTHING that I would think of as " trying to make the marriage work " .

He has given every appearance of having OW. Has gone on a diet and lost weight . Started exercising . Talking about getting an op to fix his bald spot . Has had several operations on his eyes so he " doesn't have to wear glasses in bed " .

Last night he informed me that there never was anyone else - it's all just " a game " to shock me into realising how hard life would be without him .

I am just incandescent with rage . He's put me through 6 months of pretending he wants to leave , believing that our marriage is over , trying to sell the business . Worrying about the kids, seeing a counsellor and lawyer AS A GAME ??? a fucking game ????

What the hell do I do now ?

Sounds like he has been on Red Pill forums on Reddit. You may want to look into those to see if you agree

This was covered up thread.

But even if you divorce first and stay in the house you still have to get rid of the business to be shot of him

Yes, that's exactly it. You can divorce a husband , you can ever resign as a director . But you can't easily sell half a business . And you can't sell the shares if you are not listed .

In fact , in our case I can't sell without his consent , as our articles of association allow anyone with over a certain number of shares to block a special resolution, which is what's equired to sell ( sorry boring technical point ) .

Personally if I were buying it, the fact that you are divorcing would be irrelevant as I'd fire your husband anyway

I'm sure he will quit soon after any sale, he doesn't take kindly to being managed. As I know to my cost . One of several reasons why we don't want an earn out .

Interestingly , during our research, we spoke to several owner / managers about their experiences of selling and quite a few had been fired/ resigned under pressure within a few weeks / months .

In fact , in our case I can't sell without his consent , as our articles of association allow anyone with over a certain number of shares to block a special resolution, which is what's equired to sell

I thought that might be the case tbh, otherwise you'd be doing it.

Interestingly , during our research, we spoke to several owner / managers about their experiences of selling and quite a few had been fired/ resigned under pressure within a few weeks / months

That's quite standard - people buy businesses not the employees and they want to run it their way - new structure, new methods.

Often in old family businesses you've got people who've been there years, are used to doing things a certain way, and they're hard to retrain.

The whole idea that you have to stay married to sell the business is bollocks basically.

Often in old family businesses you've got people who've been there years, are used to doing things a certain way, and they're hard to retrain

Well we are relatively young family business , less than 15 years . But we are used to doing things in a certain way and DH likes being " his own boss ". He won't enjoy being part of the corporate world .

But that's not my problem

Our work is very specialised and a buyer would want to keep our technical staff - they are not just buying our trade . But yes, they will want new structures and new methods. We are very profitable and have a good EBIT, they will be able to run the company more efficiently .

The whole idea that you have to stay married to sell the business is bollocks basically

I think you may be right < ponders >

I have been with my husband 12 years married 6 years. He cheated him me with andcex had another child with her was faithful and then cheated on me again two years ago with a coworker. Than faithful till now however he plays such mental mind games with me blames me for everything guilts me when I pull away he constantly wants to bother me or be with me, when I open up to him he doesn't wanna bother with me and pushes me away. We have been separated for a month and he left but now blames me saying I wanted the separation as I did I've asked him come home he says no it's always on my terms quit counseling twice and is gavk to show I g up at my home job calling texting crazy and I don't know what else to do but stand my ground and be done I'm not sure why he plays this games but it's eating my mind mentally. Please advice opinions

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