Husband playing mind games - please help

[Samantha28]

Back story - 6 months ago, H announced out of the blue that he was leaving ( married 15 years , 3 kids ) . He told me he'd found a house and wanted me to sign documents that released money from a business we both own to buy it .

I was in state of shock , came on MN. Everyone said " agree to nothing until you've spoke to lawyer . I assumed there was OW but couldn't find any evidence and Dh denied it .

Lawyer said - don't agree to anything, try to keep everything stable for the kids , get him to wait for a couple of months until teenager sits exams ( well she said a lot more but that's the relevant bit ) .

Dh agreed to wait a few months , he moved into the spare room under a pretext for kids and we are in the process of selling the business we own jointly . This will give me enough money to buy him out of the house and to afford to live here without his income .

Teenager finishes exams in the summer and Dh suddenly announces that he wants to stay and " try to make it work " . I'm a bit shocked and don't know what I want . I assumed he had been dumped by OW. So talked to a counsellor and decided to give it a few months to see what happens.

Dh does nothing different , just goes on living in the spare room and leading his own life. Only difference from 6 months ago is that he does his share of child taxi duties ( which as very onerous are our kids do a lot and we live in the country ) . He does NOTHING that I would think of as " trying to make the marriage work " .

He has given every appearance of having OW. Has gone on a diet and lost weight . Started exercising . Talking about getting an op to fix his bald spot . Has had several operations on his eyes so he " doesn't have to wear glasses in bed " .

Last night he informed me that there never was anyone else - it's all just " a game " to shock me into realising how hard life would be without him .

I am just incandescent with rage . He's put me through 6 months of pretending he wants to leave , believing that our marriage is over , trying to sell the business . Worrying about the kids, seeing a counsellor and lawyer AS A GAME ??? a fucking game ????

What the hell do I do now ?

[scarednoob]

this is him:

I think it perhaps boils down to one key question: do you still love him enough to put yourself through trying to get it back on track? because life's too short to be with someone who makes you miserable, and we've all done it!

I know the kids must make that sort of decision much harder, but honestly, everyone I know whose parents stayed together when it wasn't working says bluntly that they wish they'd just split up, so I wouldn't think that you have to stay with him for that reason alone.

[FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse]

Break, that's left me open mouthed I hope these women post on MN and get told to LTB.

Dragons, that post seems rather cryptic...

[ShipwreckedAndComatose]

Just googled 'red pill women'

[Samantha28]

Thank you all for your advice

Dragons , I'm not sure I know what you mean < confused >

Am going to the bank this morning

[DoreenLethal]

Break that's unbelievable. How does Reddit not get hacked...

That's totally believable! Nothing shocks me about the lengths some men will go to to belittle women.

[Dragonsdaughter]

Samantha I think your stepdaughter is from the same mould as her farther.

[suzannefollowmyvan]

Break, It does sound as if he followed that scrip,

yes the lengths they go to, as if they think women only have the brain power of dogs and won't see through the training program

Severely underestimate women and flatter themselves into thinking we need them in our lives, I shall have a read of those sub reddits!?

[Skiptonlass]

Well, look at it like this:

He's either lying, in which case there was an OW.
Or he's not lying, in which case he's an absolutely awful example of humanity.

Both options fall under unreasonable behaviour.

You're carrying the entire load of child rearing anyway, and he's shown you he has zero respect for you and your children. Showing you what life is like without him eh? Well you've had a look and it's better than being cheated on or manipulated.

Do not leave the house. Do not give him any way at all of looking like he's the primary carer. Go see your lawyer.

Reddit MRA threads are a cesspit. Venture there if you like but you'll need a stiff drink. If they were really fighting for men's rights they'd be campaigning about stuff like equal paternity leave etc. and for true gender equality (and we have a long way to go for true gender equality, there are plenty of things they could campaign about that would actually help make the world a better place.) most of them are full of men who just appear frightened of, disgusted by, and antagonistic toward women

[FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse]

Stepdaughter?

[queenofthishouse]

Are you on the right thread dragon?

[mix56]

A game..... A fucking GAME ?
Just hand him the divorce papers, there is no coming back from that, true or false.

[magoria]

So he considers handing over money to a woman he would like to share as business.

There is a name for that type of business.

Best case is there was an OW he was leaving you for.

Worse case he is a vile shit happy to put you, your DC and employees through the mill for his benefit.

Get rid. Life is too short and you deserve better.

[Samantha28]

Ok I've got you now dragons daughter . Sorry I didn't recognise you, it's all the name changing because of Jeffrey

( dragon is a RL friend so she know stuff I've not posted here )

[magoria]

Share = shag

[DoreenLethal]

Personally I think that if she is a RL friend - she should pick the phone up.

[fastdaytears]

Or turn up with gin and a puppy. Actually not a puppy (been on that other thread about the awful DM "journalist").

How are you doing?

[Samantha28]

Summer winter - yes I did post about the first OW at the time , mostly for financial and legal advice . You have a very good memory! I had to get one thread withdrawn as i thought that I would have to sign a compromise agreement To get her to leave our business and I was concerned that something I had posted might breach that .

But in the end we had lots of legitimate grounds to dismiss her without notice . We found lots of files ( paper and electronic ) that she had stolen from previous employers and passed onto others for financial gain and she had done the same with our information .

We ended up having to give information to the police ( on legal advice ) but I don't think she was charged with anything . I think that most big companies prefer to hush up fraud. She did leave her next job very quickly and she is now self employed . I'd like to think that world has got around but I might be wrong .

She also did something while working for us ( without our knowledge or consent ) that has resulted in us being sued . That case has only just settled . Sigh.

She's a gift that goes on giving

[Samantha28]

or turn up with gin and a puppy

Well she does have some very interesting pets, but I hope she won't bring them round . Gin would be ok though . I'm sure she will be in touch but she lives far away

Thank you for the reddit info - I have no idea if Dh reads it but it does sound familiar

The beautiful south song made me smile , thank you

[FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse]

Ah, that makes more sense :) glad you've got some good RL support.

OW sounds like a piece of work. Your life will be a lot more peaceful once H is out of your life for good.

[Dragonsdaughter]

Samantha in RL is an incrediably strong obrilliant proud woman who doesnt always get the hint that some RL friends are there for her x

[mix56]

very much agreed that if he lent this woman company money, it was half yours, so you can ADD half that back on when doing the carve up at the end.

and honestly he sleeps in the spare room, so has made no attempt at all to get back into a normal couple mode, & considering man doth only think with his pecker, its proof to me that he has no intention of making any sort of effort to improve the marriage, he is treading water, once the company sale is done, he will start looking for more skirt, but not yours.

[suzannefollowmyvan]

it does sound as if he's heard about this 'red pill' strategy of 'gaming' your relationship

but somehow not realised that telling your partner that you regard it as a game is counterproductive

I say play it dumb and massively up your own game, it's not going to be difficult to outmaneuver this tool

[adiposegirl2]

He is more slippery than a snake doused in KY jelly.

I's rare for me to to say LTB, but methinks its wholeheartedly apt in your situation.

[HellKitty]

Red pill women? That is all kinds of fucked up.

Don't let his hair transplant come out of joint money, let him buy it himself when divorced or maybe suggest he uses the left over shed paint to cover his bald spot. I would also keep staring at his bald spot when he's in the room or ask him if he'd like 'a nice cup of hair, I mean TEA!'.

Seriously though, how the fuck does he expect everything to be ok as it was 'all a game'? Total and utter cock.

[Baconyum]

My ex did something very similar. Early on in his cheating (2 ow overlapping!!) We had a row things were clearly falling apart and he swore he would 'get' me to end the marriage and have it look like I was paranoid, unreasonable, "it'll look like your fault and I'll be innocent".

But...I told people he'd said this, his affairs became public knowledge anyway and he looked like an idiot as well as a cheat!

Cover your arse financially and legally. A good solicitor is worth their weight in gold, my first was shit 2nd an absolute diamond!

Oh and I second sending him to live in the bloody shed with the paint for his bald patch!

I'm actually wondering if ow/potential ow has just learnt he's married n has said he needs to try with you first, so he's gonna make it look like that to her make life miserable for you and then 'well we just grew apart and now I can be with you'