So just received this email from stbxh's gf.

[SheerWill]

This just arrived in my inbox:

Just to let you know we arrived safely and Ds can't wait to go to the beach tomorrow.

We thought we'd continue the international experience week so we took him to a curry house this evening - he likes mango chutney, yoghurt sauce and popadoms.He thinks the Bombay potatoes were a bit spicy and the vegetable samosa a bit peppery but liked the naan and saag aloo.

There was a little wait for the bill to which Ds responded "OH FUCK!" We've talked it through and he knows not to ever say it again and that he mustn't say words that he doesn't know the meaning of. We also checked where he'd heard it and he said "mummy"! He's not been told off this time as we wanted to make sure he understood why he can't say it and that it's a bad word. He knows if he says it again in future he will be severely reprimanded because he's been told it's wrong now.

I don't know whether to cry, laugh or hit things.

I wonder what is making all the males coming out of the woodwork to answer this question in particular, oh I know it must be their f**ng girlfriends making them message! !

What males?

Don't answer, OP. Just ignore the silly little madam.

I hope you got the legal advice before signing that consent order, too.

I think you should consider having a serious one on one discussion with the father. Tell him how you feel and ask specifically that the communications ( except in an emergency) come through him.

Excellent advice to speak to a lawyer especially one familiar with domestic abuse.
You don't have to put up with this crap for the next ten years, and more importantly your child doesn't either.
A cowardly uncaring father, and a puppet stepmother, yuk!

I don't have the money to be able to take legal advice on this. They're so expensive.

I didn't even have the money to have the consent order looked at properly. I just used those free half an hours some do to get a picture of whether it was an acceptable deal or not. I don't have £200+ vat for legal fees. But the consent order was based in what we agreed in mediation and it locks him down to paying the maintenance we agreed which is more than I'd get through csa.

I will never be rid of them whatever I do. Until ds can drive himself from swindon to reading or get the train. They're next argument will be over Xmas. I know because he brought it up before. He wants ds for a week from Xmas eve. That will be the next battle.

A child overhearing its parent say fuck occasionally does not make anyone a bad parent.

I had the joys of this sheer! In my opinion doing nothing is the best option- radio silence. Also with regard to the contact order stick exactly to What was decided. My Sons have just been away for a fortnight with exh and he made it really difficult for me to talk to Them 'you can have five minutes' etc and i don't get in the ring with him- next time he wants flexability though it will be a 'Nope'.

I alternate Christmas and even though its a ball ache I would stick to that. We split it 50/50. Don't let them trample over you- your son is not pay per view. If he messes you around speak to Cms.

My ex- and I alternate Xmas and I love my Christmases 'off'. All the over excitement and expectation - stuff that. I make my own arrangements and have a lot of fun at almost no expense, saving enough cash to take the kids to a Christmas show or ice skating or something.

Perhaps your patents and family could chip in to send you somewhere lovely for a short holiday/retreat? or do some volunteering - some fab opportunities at this time of the year. Or on a more practical level I knew a single dad you used to do his tax return on Christmas Day!

Don't forget to pack a very annoying noisy gift for your son to open first thing.

"Thank you for helping DS with his lamguage. Since you are duch an expert on profanities you could explain when to use words like 'cunt', 'cowbag', 'bastard' and 'fuckwit'? I think those words would come in useful for talking about the pair of yous."

The only way to interact with people like this is cold hard fact or silence. Re the Christmas situation, you know this is looming so say NO now (if that is what suits you) and don't let it fester. Get your dad/family on board to be your wingmen and stand firm against them.

Is he still in the forces? They's be very interested to hear about his behaviour towards him. Look into getting some legal aid, get researching today and don't leave all of this to the 23rd of December leaving yourself in a miserable heap while that twat and his current squeeze are laughing away having the time of their lives.

Seriously it's time to gird your loins and sort it out for the child's sake.

Silence to the email and any others she will send.

Omg I'd be livid, apoplectic and verging on homicidal. She absolutely must be responded to OP. "Severely reprimanded?" Wtf does that mean? Tell the bitch to back the fuck off and your stbxh to prevent her contacting you ever again. They won't last long. And when you get your Ds back lavish as much love on him as you can.

He's 5!? Fucking fuckery fuck me. There. Severely reprimand me! FFS. Poor kid. And you OP

A week from christmas eve when his dad usually has him once a fortnight?!

SheerWill First of all, do not ever put anything in writing (including an email) that you do not want to be seen by a judge or court. Ever. I tend to wait 24 hours to answer any emails just to give myself time to cool down before I respond.

Secondly, here's a number... 0808 8020 008. It's for the Coram Children's Legal Centre. Mon-Fri 8am to 8pm. Free solicitor advice. You'll have to keep ringing to get through, as they don't generally do callbacks, so allow yourself plenty of time. Very very helpful.

I would just delete it and forget about it. It's not worth stressing about.

The children's legal centre are very good indeed.

Op ive just seen your location and may be able to give you a hand so have sent a PM

I really can understand how you feel .. Yes
But I sort of wonder ..maybe she was just trying in a sort of try hard way to get it right ? If she doesn't have kids ?? Doing what she thought a " grownup " should do.

My kid said " look at that fucking traffic mummy " when he was 4. He knew exactly what it meant ... As parents I think we instinctively know to play it down the first time ( he tried again a day later.. Got no result .. And got bored of that game ) but she isn't a parent ( and clearly about 18 )

My ds took a total dislike to xh last gf. I was upset for ds. It sounded to me like she got it totally wrong though .. But I thought she is young and doesn't have kids .

I would go with the breezy one liner response others have suggested on here ..... Polite, breezy put down??

I don't think op can email ex directly - ex is a narc. Best avoided.

Hope you get on ok with the children's centre, op, and get the legal help and advice you need. Do you not have evidence of his abuse so you can get legal aid for domestic abuse? His latest stunts - eg putting your maintenance in the frozen account - evidence of abuse??

Perhaps also get some advice - SS? (argh) - re 'severely reprimanded'?

(and as a pp said about bad language, make a fuss and you'll embed it. Best ignored)

IGNORE the passive aggressive no children of my own smarmy lizard them.

Leave them sat there (it's her e-mail but you can't be sure he's not typing) waiting for a response.

Christmas and other holidays are always contentious, we do Christmas hols every other year and back for New Years Eve, with all other hols shared.

Money-wise insist on a standing order being set up. Ex should agree as it protects all parties. Proof of payment, on time, no room for 'mistakes' and no-one has to be asking for, or being asked for money. Winner all round.

They'll soon back the fuck off if you end up on the patch. Nothing like lots of green for warding off knob-headishness tendencies

Christmas is hard but the only sensible way is either to alternate or if they are very close to split the day in two.

Any more update emails Op?

If that was day one...I'm struggling to imagine day 4 or 5....

In truth, if this happened to me I would probably reply, 'I would like you to state very clearly to me in writing exactly what you mean by "severely reprimanded

This.

no more updates and tell them to get to fuck over the xmas request. Although I know some one who does this, they ask for a ridiculous amount of time when really they only want a certain date which they end up getting as result in barganing less days.

Must be really tough