So just received this email from stbxh's gf.

[SheerWill]

This just arrived in my inbox:

Just to let you know we arrived safely and Ds can't wait to go to the beach tomorrow.

We thought we'd continue the international experience week so we took him to a curry house this evening - he likes mango chutney, yoghurt sauce and popadoms.He thinks the Bombay potatoes were a bit spicy and the vegetable samosa a bit peppery but liked the naan and saag aloo.

There was a little wait for the bill to which Ds responded "OH FUCK!" We've talked it through and he knows not to ever say it again and that he mustn't say words that he doesn't know the meaning of. We also checked where he'd heard it and he said "mummy"! He's not been told off this time as we wanted to make sure he understood why he can't say it and that it's a bad word. He knows if he says it again in future he will be severely reprimanded because he's been told it's wrong now.

I don't know whether to cry, laugh or hit things.

" There couldn't be any chance that they want custody could there? "

it DOES set alarm bells ringing - the paper trail supposedly demonstrating OP's "poor parenting" has been started hasn't it?

Tell me they went to the Costa Del Sol or somewhere. International experience at an all you can eat buffet

I agree just ignore. Or reply to both saying "glad he's having a lovely time". It may be that ex will soon stop appreciating just how involved his girlfriend is getting. He may not want her getting her feet too far under the table iyswim.

Hope you don't comply with your ex's unreasonable request for frequent "updates" from you!

Things sound pretty bad if communication from him is all going through your dad. Sorry it's so difficult.

As always it seems there's more to this than an email, but a whole back story and context. When the email is considered in that background, it takes on a different significance.

Email back and say that you've posted her bonkers ranting on Mumsnet and the majority of posters agree that she's got a screw loose.

I would point out that the reason you don't take ds for a curry is because he doesn't like spicy foods. Didn't stbxh know what foods his ds likes and doesn't like.

Definitely add that while they are discussing appropriate language with ds they might like to explain the word marriage and affair as if stbx is still stbx then he is still married to you.

There was a little wait for the bill to which Ds responded "OH FUCK!"

Why on earth did the say that then? Did they ask your son to pay the bill?

I'm pretty sure they don't want custody. That would be too much like hard work for them both. And I have far more evidence of his harassing/bullying emails and texts so I'm not worried about them building up evidence against me. Hence why I go through my dad so he can filter them and just give me the general idea of their content.

International experience is in reference to the pictures I sent them as this week we ate noodles with chopsticks, ds helped me prepare and eat mussels which we ate while listening to French music and we had an Italian date night just the two of us.

I won't be emailing them any more updates from now on. I assumed they wanted to know because getting anything out is ds is like blood from a stone. He's the same about school.

And it's my lovely, gorgeous partner who is in the army and he's wonderful. He treats me like a queen which after stbxh is doing wonders for my bruised self esteem.

I'm pretty sure they don't want custody. That would be too much like hard work for them both. And I have far more evidence of his harassing/bullying emails and texts so I'm not worried about them building up evidence against me. Hence why I go through my dad so he can filter them and just give me the general idea of their content.

International experience is in reference to the pictures I sent them as this week we ate noodles with chopsticks, ds helped me prepare and eat mussels which we ate while listening to French music and we had an Italian date night just the two of us.

I won't be emailing them any more updates from now on. I assumed they wanted to know because getting anything out is ds is like blood from a stone. He's the same about school.

And it's my lovely, gorgeous partner who is in the army and he's wonderful. He treats me like a queen which after stbxh is doing wonders for my bruised self esteem.

I think you need to tread carefully now OP.

Do not respond. Do not provide updates.

Withdraw and if the CM is incorrectly paid into the frozen account seek legal advice as this is a pattern of behaviour.

Keep the email and any further emails or texts for future reference. They may also build up a pattern of controlling behaviour.

Sorry rubbish signal = double post

As tempting as it is don't bother responding with anything at all that could be twisted or look hostile. I would also knock the updates on the head other than important medical stuff or real welfare issues.

You could just go to the CMS to take that weapon out of his hands if he does pay more more when you have to beg or put up with shit or not get is not a lot of use to anybody.

I would reply with "thanks for the update, can you clarify what severly reprimanded means" but send it to his email.

And stop all verbal comunicating

"Then respond with "well fuck me sideways, that's fucking appalling !""
Say this.
Or ignore.

I wouldn't bother replying. She's trying to show off in some way it's v silly.

OP, I think Liney's response is brilliant. I think she should explain what she means by severely reprimanded.

My concern would be severe reprimand

My X was a bully, so his idea of disciplining DD was to shout and bully, his DW did nothing to protect my DC's, the long term effect was very damaging.

But that's what she wants you to do she wants you to engage!
There's no way she would " severely reprimand " her way out of a paper bag it's rubbish she's manipulative and trying to argue with you in an underhand way.

I'm frothing at the mouth just reading it but I agree you're on a highway to nowhere with these people Don't let them bully you. Get the financial stuff sorted as best you can and then disengage

I think you're oversensitive and overthinking this. Give her the benefit of the doubt unless she is OW and responsible for your split. Reply neutrally. Don't lower yourself to respond with abuse.

My blood is boiling for u here, OP! Not just the e mail but putting u in a position of pleading over money . Pair of shits.

I would definitely disengage from e mail updates n as for a response to this one I would say "Thanks for update, we will have a talk upon ur return home" . It tells her nothing, commits u to nothing but will have her wondering. Then, when she does return I would patronise her in to the ground surely u didn't believe DS, oh poor u, u've not had the experience have u. Oh all kids do this, u've.much to learn sweetie! n also be extremely clear about which disciplines r n r not permitted by her.

Stay strong n keep smiling, it'll drive them nuts .

I am with the "no response" response. You know what they are trying to do (suggest that they are better than you) and if you if you respond it will keep the whole thing going even longer, she will try to justify her email and before you know it you will be in a written arguament with her which is not a good idea.

Continue your NC as far as you can and if she contacts you again you can respond to your ex, not her.

Also recommend disengage !
It sounds like whatever you do your place will be in the wrong so don't reply to her.
Just email your ex re monies.
It is soooo tempting to use any and all of the previous suggestions though haha
What pieces of work they are.

Fidelity
That's perfect!