So just received this email from stbxh's gf.

[SheerWill]

This just arrived in my inbox:

Just to let you know we arrived safely and Ds can't wait to go to the beach tomorrow.

We thought we'd continue the international experience week so we took him to a curry house this evening - he likes mango chutney, yoghurt sauce and popadoms.He thinks the Bombay potatoes were a bit spicy and the vegetable samosa a bit peppery but liked the naan and saag aloo.

There was a little wait for the bill to which Ds responded "OH FUCK!" We've talked it through and he knows not to ever say it again and that he mustn't say words that he doesn't know the meaning of. We also checked where he'd heard it and he said "mummy"! He's not been told off this time as we wanted to make sure he understood why he can't say it and that it's a bad word. He knows if he says it again in future he will be severely reprimanded because he's been told it's wrong now.

I don't know whether to cry, laugh or hit things.

Is this the first one of hers you have seen, have you seen any of his updates?

If so it may be worth while asking your dad how frequently they contain a negative that is attributed to your parenting.

I'm kinda hoping your only communication is written (and I really wouldn't block any of their emails).

It may be worth keeping in mind that they are quite likely to be attempting to build a paper trail of evidence of how much better they are than you, as that would be the usual reason for sending a email like that and requesting daily updates.

Are you in any way obliged to send daily reports? Court orders or agreements for court?

Don't engage. that's what your ex secretly wants.. the two women in his life verbally sparring. Don't give him or her the satisfaction. Bear in mind he will have fed gf the 'facts' of what a rubbish mum you are...and she believes she is doing nothing but defending her Prince and his spawn. I've been here on both sides. Many hundreds of sarky undertoned and officious emails from exh gf (then wife, now recently divorced) and in turn me doing the exact same (I know I know) to dp ex who was being an arse over contact. The men pull the strings and we dance. It was ever thus. So don't engage, your best reaction is none.

I'd reply "it's funny really, we were talking about you when DS first heard that word. It's lucky that he didn't repeat the actual phrase he heard!"

How awful. I would be tempted to reply with 'Are you sure he wasn't saying frog?' My kid sounds like he is swearing when he says truck, frog or sit.

I'd def stop with the updates. If they want to know they can have him more and do stuff with him. Every other weekend is minimal access. Such an armchair warrior judgy pants.

I think you're overthinking this. Ignore

Silly cow!

Amazed posters can't see what a vile cow she is being. She means well??? like hell she does. Ridiculous cow.

As tempting as it is to reply, I'd go with not replying at all. This worked best for me. Deafening silence. don't establish a relationship at all, on any level, with her. you have enough to deal with with him, you don't need her, too. Blank her completely.

LAUGH. Don't bother crying. She ain't worth it. Vapid space that she is.

It's an appalling email (I very quietly fear for the intelligence of the people who can't see that)

It is but it's quite likely she's spent ages composing that to try and sound as cheery and helpful as possible whilst getting in the dig and trying to not make it look like one, chances are she's taken on the task because she's decided dad will make it look to obvious or to hostile.

Seriously, though: I don't know where you're at legally but ime things got worse as dc grew older iyswim (sorry). If I had my time again I would have put all my weight behind getting them legally out of dc's lives. I mean it - if he is a narc (as my ex was) and she's his proselyte, this is not good for your ds in the long run

tbh i wish i'd done a runner

"Goodness - don't 5 year olds come up with strange responses! I am sure you don't really believe he heard that word from me. I am slightly concerned t your use of the phrase "severely reprimanded". Please would you define exactly what you mean by that?

I do find that it is best to down play any attention seeking behaviour. I am sure you agree."

sockamnesty speaks sense.
Put your foot down NOW though OP, set a boundary without delay. No joking around or ignoring it, but just NO!
either your ex communicates with you or nobody does.
In fact tell her that her email address is on a blocked list.

I'm not obliged to send email updates. I recently spoke to his gf on the phone as stbxh paid the maintenance into our frozen joint bank account rather than my account in order to try and get me to sign the consent order more quickly. If always thought she was the more reasonable one of the two of them but she proved herself otherwise. We ended up having a heated discussion with me pleading that the payment be moved over to my account and her suggesting stbxh pays too much money anyway and he should reduce it (it is more than I would get via csa). As part of that discussion she said they would like to know more about what ds does when he's with me. I thought that it might be worth trying to try and keep the peace so I've sent a few updates on things we've been doing in the holidays with some photos. But as always my attempts blow up in my face. I will no longer be doing the emails updates. They're just using it as another tool to beat me with.

I'd email back 'He will hear a whole dictionary of words over the years and trying new words out is normal child behaviour. Your best response would be to discuss appropriateness with him. Severely reprimanding him is in other words using FEAR to control behaviour. This won't help him understand appropriate behaviour or encourage him to willingly behave. I have nothing more to say on the issue. However in the future please allow DH to raise any concerns as you and I don't have a close constructive relationship and your email seemed like a dig.

Sheer - maybe you should be photographing the gas cylinder, the fridge, the pants etc as that's where hidden costs lie

I'd be tempted to reply thanking her for the update and asking her, while she is reprimanding him for using "fuck" to also have a discussion with him about the morality of sleeping with married men/depriving children of maintenance etc.

I agree, nothing back except "what do you mean by severely reprimanded..?"

They don't care about the swearing (well they care but you know) This was just them seizing the opportunity to say:
We are excellent parents giving this child amazing(!) experiences.
And
You are a crap parent who swears around your child.

I imagine they are feeling very superior right now.

" while she is reprimanding him for using "fuck" to also have a discussion with him about the morality of sleeping with married men/depriving children of maintenance etc."

LOL

F*ck me! They're utterly in control right now aren't they?

Stop this right now. It's easier than you think. People like this have a way of making you think you can't escape them, you can. Presumably the "mistaken" payment into the frozen account shouldn't happen again? How are the payment set up, is it a private arrangement or through the CMS? Did you say he's in the forces? That's actually a good thing. The forces powers that be take a pretty dim view of soldiers that dodge their financial responsibilities to their children and he can be ordered to pay it.

They're bullies and the more you let bullies get away with it the worse they'll get. Ignoring and acquiescing for a quiet life doesn't work, firmness bordering on belligerence when they're trying it on worked for me. They stopped taking me on in the end.

'What do you mean by severely repremanded? Using fear to discipline won't help him long term. It's normal to try out new words and need help to learn what's appropriate.

Reading your latest update op makes me think there are bigger issues here. The GF is way too over invested in the business between you and your ex. You shouldn't have to negotiate your financial matters with her!

Do you have a solicitor for your divorce? If so they should be raising the issue of the CM being paid incorrectly into the frozen account not you going though GF.

They are controlling and to a certain extent bullying you. This needs to stop now and boundaries put in place.

It sounds like blackmail. Keep a very good trail of what they do.

After your last post it's clear she is a busybody. can guarantee if they have children csa WILL be reduced. I wouldn't bother with the emails and reply to hers Thanks for the update, glad ds is having a good time. Don't worry about updating me again just relax and have fun. I'll have a chat with d's when he's back to see what he has got up to. Thanks, enjoy the rest of the holiday.

Your post at 10:17 makes me think they want to know what you are doing with ds TO SEE WHERE ALL THE FATHERS MONEY GOES..