I cannot believe what has just happened.

[Sweetsecret]

I just had a visit from my mum and step father.
My 2 year old DS, was playing with his trains and my stepdad sat down to play with him, and my DS didnt want him to and he threw some of trains off the track. my step dad then grabbed my DS picked him up and started shouting at him took him out of the house started walking down the street shouting at him telling him he was a naughty boy.
I went to the front door and told him to bring him back and he refused. so I walked down the street to get him.
I went back into the house and my sd started shouting at me telling me I wasn't doing a decent job at raising him, that I didn't know what I was doing. I said I was doing the best that I could (my H left me a few months ago, so it has been an incredibly difficult time for me and both my DC'S. he said I wasn't trying hard enough.
I then told them to leave and they both left.
I called my mum 20 mins later as we are supposed to be all going on holiday on Monday and she blamed me. She aways takes his side on everything anyway.
I am absolutely stunned that this has happened, in front of both of my children.
I don't know what to do I just feel like I have no one now, everyone has just abandoned me.
I just saw red when I saw someone walking off with my son yelling at him.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I have been hanging on by a thread for the last few months as it is, and now the only two people I had have not only called me a bad mother but have yelled at my two year old son in front of his sister who is 5. And it is somehow my fault.

[Sweetsecret]

No I wouldn't show her it, even if she did see it, she would only read into it what she wanted not what was actually being written.

[Hissy]

You have the measure of your M love, i once stated and restated the truth vs DM version of events and tbh it went very weird.

She kind of had an absence. Silence, staring off into space.and the non apology, "I'm sorry if you felt I did that"

It made no difference- it was before she moved, before the door stepping and bustling of my ds.

Narcs are not self aware, they will do anything NOT to be. No point in trying to make them feel guilty for treating you badly, they think it's their given right to treat anyone as collateral damage in pursuit of their goals.

[Hissy]

Your M would also use the thread as another proof of how dreadful you are, how ungrateful and how much of a martyr she is to you...

[Sweetsecret]

Hissy do we actually have the same mother? that sounds like the reaction why M would give me when I brought up issues in the past, I would get so frustrated and angry, I felt like I was banging my head against a wall.
I would rather her yell at me than give me the vague responses she did.

[Hissy]

Ha ha, if only, cos then I'd have an ally...

My M would deny, deny and deny. And then get snappy. That was usually enough to shut me up.

If I so much as mentioned I was having a bad day where I was (and id massively underplay it anyway) she would literally not contact me for WEEKS. No response to any texts/emails etc. Then she'd ring as if nothing had ever happened weeks later.

Imagine my shock when all the details of everything she'd ever ignored were fired back at me by friends she had confided in as a way of showing how wonderful and supportive she'd been of me.

The faces of people when I laughed and said she'd left me for dead for weeks at a time were a picture.

Apparently she came and rescued me too.

Her holiday was a year before I came home, so really rubbish rescuing...

and another thing was that she got sick a week or so after she got back to UK (which she blamed me for too)

There was absolutely NO WAY she caught what she got on her trip. Even with evidence, she STILL insisted that her illness was my fault.

[Sweetsecret]

Jesus Hissy, she sounds really something.
Yep, my mum was in hospital for some wierd infection and she was getting pissy that I hadn't visited her the reason? I had just given birth to my son by c section he was in neo natal and I was recovering from major abdominal surgery!
But she was still getting shitty with SD for visiting me on his way out after seeing her.
Also the texts have started, sating she promised my DD a gift so she would drop it round, acting like nothing has happened again! unbelievable. well not that unbelievable actually.

[Hissy]

Text back and say present is not necessary, that it's too late to fix what she and her H have done and for them to leave you all alone for now.

Then think about changing your number.

Nothing short of black and white will do.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Absolutely cut her short now by texting what Hissy has said and then cut her adrift otherwise you'll be sucked back into their sick game and will start doubting your sanity when they're the ones that are basket cases.

[FrankTurnersGuitar]

You did the right thing, the right thing for your family of three.
If she always has to have what you would like, mention you are saving to emigrate.

[Jux]

Definitely say no to present, and back away as fast as you can.

[Sweetsecret]

Have just ignored it, I haven't heard anything since.
I am now worried about this wedding I am going to with my DD as we are staying in the same hotel. Urgh.
hopefully I can just avoid them then leave early on the morning.

[Hissy]

You can cancel reservations and book elsewhere.

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

I just said to her I will always defend my children, shame you couldn't do the same for me.

And this ^^ is where at least half of Mumsnet fell in love with you.

Sweet, you've done so well! And, considering what a crap model you have for mothering, and the contortions they must have put your soul through, it's nothing short of amazing.

Actually, I think you might have some extra power in your corner. Narcs are all about the public image - I'm sure they think they can threaten you, but I don't see how they can actually make you homeless without major loss of face. More reasons to be cheerful.

Hope you and the DCs are happy and well.

[Jux]

Yes, cancel and find somewhere else to stay. Did they make the booking (and are they paying)? Can you afford to stay elsewhere?

[Sweetsecret]

Awww Thankyou PSE, yes I think you are right, "what the neighbours will think" is very much the issue with her. so I don't think they would make me homeless.
ha! she can try!
We are all doing well thank you my DD rode her bike without the stabilisers on today, so it was a lovely moment and one I wouldn't have had if we were at crappy centre parcs!

[Sweetsecret]

Hissy had trouble getting that hotel, as they were all booked as it's in a small borough in London, and obviously being a weekend it was soooo difficult to get a room.
I don't mind.
they won't know my room, going to be up early as taking my DD then we are going into the city for a day out so we will be up and out early.

[Hissy]

Hmm... Have you tried Air B n B? There may be a small room or bed and breakfast somewhere.

Explain to reception that there are some issues with some family members and that they must not give out your room number to anyone, no matter who they say they are.

[Sweetsecret]

Already on it Hissy, I emailed the hotel and they have confirmed that this won't happen.
I won let them ruin it, I will be surrounded by a lot of my extended family one of which knows what has happened so I have good back up.

[Hissy]

Ha ha! You're so sorted! You MUST BE my sister after all!

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

Might be worth getting your "side of the story" in with select members of the extended family before your DM and DSD get to them. For in general, but certainly to help you get through the day.

• D = Dickhead in this context
  
  It's a shame you and DBro don't get along - it's possible once you've both extricated yourselves you can be friends again. But even that's not as important as protecting your own DCn and you're doing a sterling job.

[Sweetsecret]

Ha ha Hissy! I think so!

[Sweetsecret]

I would like to think so Preemptive, we have never fallen out and it was over our M that we did.i think she pulled a few strings along the way.
I don't think I will need to tell any of the extended family, she will not say anything about it as she likes to people to think she has doting children, and that we are one big happy family.
I am going to just smile and get on with it, not going to be very easy as recently seperated myself, then having to face them.
Thankgod I am taking my DD no chance of me getting shit faced and doing something I may regret! Ha!

[Ladyconstance]

Your instinct was to protect your DCs - good on you. It must have been traumatising for all of you. Ditch the holiday, you know you don't need horrible people in your and your kids' lives, especially being a single parent. Hope you feel better and be proud of yourself that you're obviously not a toxic parent. Quite the opposite.

[Sweetsecret]

Thankyou Lady C, My biggest fear in life was that I would turn out like her as a parent, my stbxh said "you have forgotten as much as she knows about being a good parent."
He is right.

[Sweetsecret]

Well, you're going to love this!
just spoke to my ex and he spoke to my in laws today.
My M called them, and said "I am concerned that H doesn't have anywhere to take the children when he has them at the weekends, (as he hasn't got a permanent place yet)
maybe he could bring them round here."
WTAF?!!!
She actually gone behind my back to try and get access to my children! I am Fucking fuming!