Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I cannot believe what has just happened.

219 replies

Sweetsecret · 15/07/2015 17:59

I just had a visit from my mum and step father.
My 2 year old DS, was playing with his trains and my stepdad sat down to play with him, and my DS didnt want him to and he threw some of trains off the track. my step dad then grabbed my DS picked him up and started shouting at him took him out of the house started walking down the street shouting at him telling him he was a naughty boy.
I went to the front door and told him to bring him back and he refused. so I walked down the street to get him.
I went back into the house and my sd started shouting at me telling me I wasn't doing a decent job at raising him, that I didn't know what I was doing. I said I was doing the best that I could (my H left me a few months ago, so it has been an incredibly difficult time for me and both my DC'S. he said I wasn't trying hard enough.
I then told them to leave and they both left.
I called my mum 20 mins later as we are supposed to be all going on holiday on Monday and she blamed me. She aways takes his side on everything anyway.
I am absolutely stunned that this has happened, in front of both of my children.
I don't know what to do I just feel like I have no one now, everyone has just abandoned me.
I just saw red when I saw someone walking off with my son yelling at him.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I have been hanging on by a thread for the last few months as it is, and now the only two people I had have not only called me a bad mother but have yelled at my two year old son in front of his sister who is 5. And it is somehow my fault.

OP posts:
zipzap · 15/07/2015 23:46

If you've paid for the centre parcs holiday - and you're in a lodge by yourself - then you might be able to talk to them and get them to postpone your booking, maybe for a small fee, for another date when maybe your x could come with you...

no use though if you were all gonig to share a cottage Sad

Hissy · 15/07/2015 23:58

No holiday is ever worth you being beholden or putting yourself in the line of fire for people like your mother and her h.

Either call CP and move it if you paid for it, if not just let it go to dots, let your m and this man lose the money.

Use the funds and time you had planned to do things near you.

rollmeover · 16/07/2015 00:54

Cant be much help with the family situation as much wiser folk have spoken but do Centre Parcs not do transport from local train stations? It would be worth phoning them and asking. Or getting the train then a taxi? Or could exDH drive you or pick you up even if you didnt get the full break?

Hope you get it sorted.

Anon4Now2015 · 16/07/2015 08:13

OP how are you today? And how are your DC?

Original poster
Sweetsecret · 16/07/2015 09:01

I feel totally drained today, my DD was okay this morning her first tooth came out last night so we had the whole tooth fairy thing to distract her with.
my DS was hard to settle last night he didnt want me to leave him, just kept grabbing hold of me round my neck so I would lie down with him until he went to sleep. he did drop off in the end.
just feel like running away from all.of this.
A friend of mine said something to me this morning and she has it bang on I think.
she said " you have relied on them more since H left, and now you were starting to turn a corner and started feeling better they are bringing you down again. they like you sad and vulnerable, so they have a role in your life" she's right.
I was really starting to feel better after the split and now I feel like I have taken ten steps backwards.

OP posts:
Ahemily · 16/07/2015 09:33

Wow. If my stepdad did that I'd kick him out too! Poor you, and your poor DS who's already going through enough as it is. You all deserve kindness right now, not aggression.

I had a barney with my mum for shouting at my DS once, forcing him to apologise not once, but twice, for backchatting her, then saying "I should bloody well think so" afterwards. I was livid, and this is much worse.

Do you have a local friend you can call on to pop in and share a bottle of wine with perhaps? Sounds like you need someone close by to vent to.

Thanks
Original poster
Sweetsecret · 16/07/2015 09:42

Thankyou, yes I have a friend round the corner and we have had a good chat this morning.i have support from a lot of people just unfortunately they are so far away.Sad

OP posts:
paulapompom · 16/07/2015 10:26

OP I have not much to add, pp have given really good advice imo. But just to add you sound like a great mum. Step dad walking out like that makes it sound like he was quite out of control, which is a worry, he didn't seem to have a rational reason for taking ds outside. Don't let DM an sdgloss over whwhat's happened or convince you that you over-reacted, stay strong xCake

Original poster
Sweetsecret · 16/07/2015 12:28

Had texts this morning saying I should apologise, it's laughable really.

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 16/07/2015 12:40

I think the words are "fuck that".

The fact that they believe they are owed an apology shows how off the planet they are

Anon4Now2015 · 16/07/2015 12:43

Had texts this morning saying I should apologise, it's laughable really.

That says all you need to know. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

regretsihaveafew · 16/07/2015 12:57

To want you to apologise is bizarre if not insane. If they do not know what they did, and why it was so very wrong, then put the blame on you then you should not have them anywhere near your DS for the foreseeable.

What you did was absolutely right, and how dare he [and her condone] upset and distress your DS like that.
Leave them to their dysfunctional relationship but don't let your lovely family be dragged into it.

Be as strong as you were in defence of your DS and rely on your friend, your dad and sm and your XH who seems supportive. You feel like running away from it...just run from them, toxic and hurtful people and appreciate people who genuinely care.

I hope your DS is ok today, and DD will have holiday to look forward to as an alternative....and enjoy planning that. But I wouldn't go with such an abusive, stupid couple.

IhateMagic · 16/07/2015 12:59

Oh op, would a Facebook appeal for lifts get you any where near to centre parcs? Is it very long way? can your ex drop you off?

Stay strong. It would be a shame to slip back into the old ways, sometimes a good old fashioned bust up is the best way to end a thing. You might be waiting years for the next chance.

CocktailQueen · 16/07/2015 13:02

How old is your stepdad? He sounds like he has less emotional maturity than your 2yo. God. You are in the right. Have never heard anything so ridiculous. Taking your ds out of the house and walking off with him??

Shame your mum has taken his side - but YANBU. Hugs.

Anniegetyourgun · 16/07/2015 13:04

Good lord, what planet are they on? Hmm

You're the Right Sort Of Mother if you put your little child first. Pretty impressive that you have managed to become one given the poor example you had from your own mother. Take pride in that.

I hope there isn't too much of a problem doing without their help from now on, apart from the holiday? Sounds like their support was highly conditional anyway, so you couldn't really rely on it.

Original poster
Sweetsecret · 16/07/2015 13:08

cocktail he is nearly 70!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetsecret · 16/07/2015 13:11

Annie, I actually nearly didn't have children for fear of being like her, luckily I am like my dad.
I just said to her I will always defend my children, shame you couldn't do the same for me.
I will manage, I will have to.
Thanks

OP posts:
LadyPlumpington · 16/07/2015 13:14

Do you have a driving licence? Are you over 25? If so, you have the option to hire a car and drive there with the kids. If you can't afford it then maybe your ex could help?

I do feel that you did completely the right thing. Do not apologise.

Hidingmyidentity · 16/07/2015 13:14

Who is asking for the apology, him or your DM? I know the general consensus on here is to ignore but I really would be tempted to put him straight once & for all about his outrageous behaviour.

Lottapianos · 16/07/2015 13:14

'Had texts this morning saying I should apologise, it's laughable really.'

That tells you absolutely everything you need to know. What absolutely foul people. I was in shock just reading your post, no wonder you were absolutely floored by seeing what happened!

Yes it is laughable in a way but its also intensely painful to start confronting the fact that the people who are supposed to love and support you through everything are actually treating you like shit. So please go easy on yourself. You absolutely did the right thing in standing up for your little boy and yourself and getting those two out of your house. This is a very painful and terrible time for you but you are handling it brilliantly.

You do not need people like this in your life, family or not. Like other posters have said, they have been treating you like crap for a very long time. Sometimes its only when the same behaviour gets played out with your children that you can see it clearly. It hurts, its dreadful for you all but life will be calmer and more stable for you without them around x

Hidingmyidentity · 16/07/2015 13:15

Maybe you should demand an apology from your DM for bringing this raging bully into your life.

Original poster
Sweetsecret · 16/07/2015 13:46

And here is the worst part, I rent my home from them. What the hell I am going to do is beyond me.
Best get looking for a new home.Sad

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 16/07/2015 13:55

You did a great job...you stood up for your son! Well done. That can be hard, especially against family.

Also, your SD completely overreacted. Your son is TWO & for a grown adult to react like that to the actions of a 2yr old who that he (step dad) has anger issues.

I'm guessing it wasn't easy to grow up with him, either.

Hissy · 16/07/2015 14:05

I wondered how you were today :(

Sorry to hear DS has been so upset - but it's totally normal. As I said, my DS was a whole lot older when we had our incident, but it affected him deeply. I was a basket case that day too - parked my car practically in the middle of the car park instead of a space, had to go and move it Blush

DS said he couldn't think all day, and said he felt wobbly. we were both worried every time the door bell rang. :(

you get over it, you recover, your DC will recover.

How old is your DD? i think you need to have an age appropriate conversation with her about sometimes people we think that love us, are not very kind and that we have to take steps to make sure that we are not hurt/upset by them.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 16/07/2015 14:11

You haven't taken ten steps back, you've taken your first step to independance from toxic family. Well done.

Really hope you find away to go on your holiday. Whereabouts are you trying to get to and from? Is there anyone on here that could give you a lift? I'm in Suffolk and I'm free on Monday. Grin