I have name changed as this is so personal and outing.
I've had a friend for around two years. We began as colleagues (she was senior to me), but stayed friends when I moved on. She's about fifteen years older than me, but it never had an effect on our friendship (not sure if it's even relevant). She has a young daughter who I get on well with.
When I was pregnant she was one of the first people I told and she was a great help to us, sourcing very cheap or sometimes free baby equipment, and I also really appreciated her experiences as a mother as I don't have any other friends who are parents.
On the day I went into labour we were due to meet up, so when I was in hospital I sent her a text to cancel our plans. After that I was too busy having a baby to check my phone, and DH was the same. Neither of us told her which hospital I was at, or which ward etc.
As soon as DC was born, he was taken away to be resuscitated, the reasons for which I still don't quite understand. I was shaking with adrenaline and very confused about where my baby was and whether he was alright. I was also haemorrhaging. A midwife came into the room and said, "your birth partner is here, may she come in?". When I was pregnant I had vaguely discussed with my sister the possibility of her being at the birth to support DH and to advocate for me, but in the end it was too much of a rush for her to be there (she lives a couple of hours drive away). So I assumed they meant my sister was here, which made little sense as she'd have been at work, but I thought perhaps she'd left early due to the Christmas holidays. I think I said something like, "is it [sister's name]?" but don't remember what the reply was. I said yes, let her in, I really want to see my sister. But my friend walked through the door. Bear in mind that I've got my legs apart, there is blood literally gushing out all over the place, I'm shaking and crying, wondering whether my baby is alive or dead - the last person I want in the room is her. But she just stood there in the middle of the room in absolute silence. I'm quite an apologetic, doormat type of person by nature, and I found myself apologising to this woman that I couldn't really chat right now because I'd just given birth and I didn't know whether my baby was okay or not. I'm appalled at myself for that now, and wish I'd stood up for myself and told her to fuck off, and I'm cross at DH and the midwives for not recognising how inappropriate the situation was. It took a long time for her to eventually be led outside to wait.
When I was being stitched up later on, I was still worrying that she was waiting outside for me and I felt bad that I didn't want to see her despite her coming to the hospital (my mental health is fucked, forgive me), and therefore this is my overriding memory of my son's birth. A midwife had to say to me, "it's okay if you don't want her here" before I felt comfortable asking them to get her to leave. I think DH went out and told her to go.
I really resent her for tainting my experience, and I feel that she is the reason I have such black holes in my memory of the rest of the birth.
In the six months since DS was born we've met up a couple of times but I feel very much that there is an elephant in the room between us. She's never mentioned the incident, except to say, "I'm glad I could be there for you" in a text the next day. I've started ignoring her text messages because I can't bear to see her or think about her. I'm so cross that she invaded such a private and personal time for us.
What do I do? Have it out with her? Just keep ignoring her until she gets the message? Get over it and pretend it never happened? I don't know how to proceed. We did have a good friendship before this, so I don't know if I'm being too hasty in writing her off - but I feel physically sick when she texts me.