I would love to start a family but partner has said no.

[meudail40]

I hope members will be able to give me some advice.

I am 39 and my partner is 46, we met 3 years ago and have had a great relationship. At the beginning I told him I wanted children and always have, I was just waiting for the right man. He told me that he hadn't thought of having more children but could see it happening with me. He has 2 children from a previous relationship and I get on with them very well, the youngest is 17.

I had a contraceptive implant fitted 2 years ago, I had one previously, but told him I didn't want it for the full 3 years, he seemed to understand that and agreed with me.

For me, the time has come to have it removed but he looked terrified when I told him and now he says he doesn't want children. I'm heartbroken.

I really don't know what to do, we've talked, shouted at each other and not spoken for a while. He says we can't afford a child, hes too old, he likes the way things are and I was being selfish. For me, I'm torn, yes I love him but now I can't look at him and feel so angry. When he does something for his children he'll say what a good dad he is, yes he is, but it makes me angry he doesn't want to give me the opportunity to be a good mother.

Any advice would be great.

Robin you're taking rubbish. My grandmother had my dad at 40. My dad was 40 when I was born. Both are/were great parents. Having children later isn't some new fad, it's been around for years. I was positively young at 36 and 38 when I had mine

He was incredibly selfish to let you start a relationship at your time of life on the premise that you wanted children. Your situation is about the only one I can think of where I wouldn't blame you in getting 'accidentally' pregnant with him.

He's manipulated you to his own advantage, OP.
I'd rather be single and childless than childless and with this man.

OP's partner 's youngest child is 17, so of course he is not going to want to start again, especially at his age!
There is no point in individual posters telling the OP how thay had their children at 40, etc. It doesn't help her.
Perhaps her partner led her to believe that one day he may want another child with her, who knows? It doesn't change the fact that he does not want any more now at this stage of his life.

Your situation is about the only one I can think of where I wouldn't blame you in getting 'accidentally' pregnant with him.

Really Oldtile? What good would it do their relationship considering he'd not only resent her for doing that but quite possibly resent the future child. It would only make things severely worse.

OP's partner 's youngest child is 17, so of course he is not going to want to start again, especially at his age!

There are those who would be horrified at the prospect, and those who wouldn't.

Of course he is not going to want to start again.
My dh did (dss) was 18 but if you say so, robin, of course it's true.

Perhaps her partner led her to believe that one day he may want another child with her, who knows?

Umm, I do. She posted about it upthread.

I think you are definitely doing the right thing by leaving this selfish and deceitful man.

It's the most natural thing in the world to want children, and don't let anyone try to make you think differently.

It's not a perfect world, and many of us have not had the luxury of being at the optimum age to have a baby.

I was in a very similar situation to you, and then met my DH and had a healthy strapping boy at 42.

Don't give up and good luck x

Im sorry your thread has been hijacked op - im sorry some of us couldn't help biting back at offensive comments.

I was going to say I'm 'glad' you're leaving him - but it must hurt that what you thought was a steady relationship with a future has had to end abruptly and with a sense of such betrayal. You have done the right thing and I truly hope you are able to turn this around and make a way forward in the way you want.

I imagine you could do without some of the comments on here - hard to un'hear' them - and, although no woman of any age can assume we can pop out babies without any trouble, I hope the many positive stories on here are an encouragement. I'm sure there isn't a woman who isnt fully aware of the intricacies of your situation which doesnt need spelling out. You have to have hope op

Thanks again for the advice. I wish I had done things differently when i was younger but I can't turn back time. He still can't understand what he has done wrong and I'm to blame in this situation. The emotional blackmail has kicked in and he even accused me of having an affair last night! He did finally admit that he decided quite a while ago he didn't want children and he knew I would go when I found out the truth. The anger I have for him is unbelievable but it makes me more determined to move on!

Wow. I am so sorry he's been so cruel x

At least it is totally clear cut and you can move on. Very sorry this happened to you. My BIL did this to a lovely woman some time ago. Very unfair.

What are your plans, will you go to your brothers?

Leave and try artificial insemination. You don't need a man!
He's a horrid individual and you can do without him.

God, what a bastard!
Good luck op x
Some idiot did this to my sil a few years ago....broke her heart. She is now with anew partner and ttc!

Selfish wanker - so he quite merrily just blew another couple of years of your fertility so you wouldn't leave him?! Words fail me.

And not only did he do that, he's accused you of selfishness and having an affair!

At least he's left you in no doubt about the right next step. You won't wonder later on if it might have worked out, since selfish people usually stay that way.

It's always a good thing when they affirm that you made absolutely the right decision by being a completely selfish knob about it. Good luck on your journey OP

Get rid and go it alone. You can have a relationship at any time in your life but having kids is a limited window. You need to act now if you want to be a mother.

OK, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt to start with but now you know the truth - honestly, what a total bastard! I'm so sorry that he's done this to you OP. He sounds like a shit dad to me - selfish liars don't tend to make very good parents.

Good luck OP and take care of yourself x

How horrible he is! I hope that makes your decision easier. Good luck OP X

Dear OP, at least now you know exactly where you are. I agree with all the PPs who say you should think (quickly) about your options for trying for a baby as soon as possible. Lots of luck and love to you.

Oh dear that's really poor behaviour on his part. I suppose it does at least make your decision simpler if not easier. Good luck with moving on and finding the future you want.