I would love to start a family but partner has said no.

[meudail40]

I hope members will be able to give me some advice.

I am 39 and my partner is 46, we met 3 years ago and have had a great relationship. At the beginning I told him I wanted children and always have, I was just waiting for the right man. He told me that he hadn't thought of having more children but could see it happening with me. He has 2 children from a previous relationship and I get on with them very well, the youngest is 17.

I had a contraceptive implant fitted 2 years ago, I had one previously, but told him I didn't want it for the full 3 years, he seemed to understand that and agreed with me.

For me, the time has come to have it removed but he looked terrified when I told him and now he says he doesn't want children. I'm heartbroken.

I really don't know what to do, we've talked, shouted at each other and not spoken for a while. He says we can't afford a child, hes too old, he likes the way things are and I was being selfish. For me, I'm torn, yes I love him but now I can't look at him and feel so angry. When he does something for his children he'll say what a good dad he is, yes he is, but it makes me angry he doesn't want to give me the opportunity to be a good mother.

Any advice would be great.

BeenWondering - www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-28329737
its just crept over 30 for the first time (2013). Its been creeping up for years from 26 yrs old in the early 70's.

So 30-40 years old today is like a 35 year old in the 70's. Which I think is pretty accurate.

Out of interest does anyone know the average age of first time mothers in the UK?

I think I saw in the news recently that its now about 30.

The link posted above Here is fascinating and gives up-to-date statistics in very clear terms. Thanks to whoever posted that.

I'm glad you've decided to end your relationship OP. As many others have said you don't have much time, so I'd start looking into artificial insemination immediately. You really don't have time to start searching around for Mr Right, so I'd put that on a back-burner or start dating and then go the sperm donor route. According to the info in that above, however, if you don't conceive quickly with your own eggs your best bet at motherhood looks like not only sperm donation, but also egg donation from a younger woman. That would boost your chances of a successful pregnancy so they are on a par with a woman of the donor's age.

Good luck!

oops 39-40 year old

I've just had a lovely time with a spreadsheet from ONS [saddo] working out the percentages of babies born to women over 35 from 1938 (when the stats start) to 2013 (the latest update I could find). This isn't first time mums though, it's all births, but I think it's still interesting:

From 2006 onwards, the percentage of babies born to women over 35 is as near as dammit 20%, hovering either side of that. Going backwards from 2005, it decreased steadily, hitting a low of ~5.5% in 1976/7; but then (and this is the interesting bit to me) it increased again steadily back up to ~19.5% in 1945!
Or, if you don't like it going backwards, the percentage of births to women over the age of 35 was almost 20%, went steadily down to a low of 5.5% in 1976/7 and rose again to 20% in 2006, where it has stayed.

I'm assuming access to birth control had some input into the reduction.

Yes of course that makes sense.

Pre access to the pill/widely available effective birth control many women had babies for longer. they might not have been having their first baby at 40, but they were of course having children at 40 and older.

We didn't invent giving birth as 40, no matter what the media say.

Juneau - it does give some statistics, yes. A very small sample of women's egg reserves. And as they are a fertility clinic those may be a sample of women with fertility problems. Up to date? Possibly. Useful? No.

Thumb - splendid geekiness! Goes along with what I said up thread.

Op. I just read your update and I wasn't sure what ongoing conversations you had regards having a DC but it's clear from your update he has led you down the garden path. I think you are making the right decision. Don't listen to the negative outdated BS about age etc. I was 38 when I conceived DD (within 6 weeks). I had also fallen pregnant having missed a couple pills before but mc.

Robin do you normally spout so much outdated BS? I had guessed that you were old fashioned (old ) and had out dated views from your previous comments. You really nee to move with the times!

Gym. Don't take it personaly. It's not judging , it's simply fact, late 30s/early 40s is very old to have your first baby. Lots of people have their children late but don't think of how old they'll be when their children are teens/young adults.

What exactly did you mean here Robin because this statement has nothing to do with a woman's ability to conceive? It's sounds very much like you are implying that older parents with teens / young adults are some how inferior in their ability to parent there DC. So when you go on to say Your age does not determine whether you will be a good mother or not.. You contradict yourself and sound like you are back tracking

Gym, calm down! You are getting way too overwrought and involved in this thread. Take abreak, go out for a walk or something. You are beginning to sound unhinged!!

Robin I am calm. I'm just taking the piss out of your out dated thoughts. Maybe it's a generational thing and you just don't get it! You asked up thread how you were back tracking and I have explained it to you.

That is not backtracking, it is explaining that it is one thing concieving a baby and another raising it. Age is a factor!
You appear to be over invested in this thread and need to step back.
Late parenting is certainly becoming more common but is not the best option for the parent or child.

Jesus wept! OP, set up Robyn with your newly dumped partner, they can make it all about themselves.

Get out now and go it alone with a sperm donor. Like, yesterday.

He's a dick. He doesn't care, he's already had children.

I tell women this over and over, if you are in your 30s and want kids, don't delay! Be upfront in any relationship and don't waste your time.

robin how can you state that 'late parenting isn't the best option for the parent and child.'??

How can that possibly be a correct statement? Did you have kids as a teen or something? You seem to have a chip on your shoulder about this.

I have some good friends whose parents are, I guess what you would class as 'very old.' They had EVERYTHING they needed growing up, and, more importantly, most of the parents had good financial backing so the mother or father had more free time/less pressure to work every day of the week, to spend with their kids.

There is no correlation between good parenting and age... perhaps you need to think about this mroe fully before making sweeping statements on the board.

Robinthat's not really answered my question.

Robin, I certainly don't want to become involved in your argument with pp's, however I do take exception to you saying that becoming a parent later is not best for parent or child.... What do you base this on? I had DS at 29 I'm a couple of months shy of 40 and ttc, I sincerely think that I have a lot more to offer DC than I did in my early twenties, I'm fun, I'm energetic and I'm also able to say no when in my early twenties I was a workaholic and on days off total party girl, whilst having a child then would have tempered my life I would not have had the knowledge or the patience or the creativity (to make rockets out of massive sheets of cardboard) that I do now. I've been a cop for over twenty years and whilst it's to do with the social demographic and nothing to do with this thread, those I have encountered who needed help with child rearing were not older parents, not a one. Now that's not statistics nor me saying young parents are crap, (I know some amazing totally fantastic young mums/dads) it's just a slice of life that I have seen, but please don't say my having a baby is not gonna be good for my child, because guess what?!? I'm gonna be fucking amazing doing it all again!!

Folks, I wouldn't bother either reasoning with or justifying yourselves to someone who has as good as said they're just needling people for the lolz. Her boyfriend's probably just dumped her for being immature and she's looking for a distraction.

Agree tendon

Robin you simply continue to contradict yourself and honestly you may not see it but you really do sound ridiculous with regards your thoughts on people's ability to parent based on age. Your only option seems to be insulting people when challenged. Just so glad I don't know anyone in RL that holds (IMHO) ignorant views of other parents.

Op genuinely sorry to have been party to slightly derailing your thread.

OP this man has lied to you and is now guilt tripping you it's quite frankly cruel what he's doing to you. Leave him go for it alone- you won't regret trying but I think you would regret never knowing what could have happened next

Very true Tendon

AHEM

hes fucked you around, knowing you wanted children. Dump him, you dont have the luxury of waiting to see if he changes his mind