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Original poster

Would I be wise to ask exp not to bring his wife?

190 replies

chasegirl · 12/05/2015 17:27

Dd has a small presentation this weekend for her hobby. its only for her class so maybe 20 children. I let exp kbow and he wants to bring his 6 month pregnant wife. I dont want her there-she was OW and is 20 years younger than me and ex. We broke up 2 years ago.
I want to text him to ask him not to bring her but not sure if that would make him feel smug and that I am still bothered. am not but think it will be just too uncomfortable and a bit humiliating for me given its only a small event.
Plus they will have just returned from holiday so will be all relaxed/tanned etc :-(
What shall I do? Text him or suck it up??

OP posts:
MonstrousRatbag · 12/05/2015 17:29

He will probably refuse, won't he, and the atmosphere will be even worse.

Try to suck it up and work out some strategies beforehand-have a friend with you, sit behind them, wait for DD outside, etc.

WorraLiberty · 12/05/2015 17:31

I think if they're married and having a child together, you are going to have to learn to accept her eventually...as hard as that will be.

I wouldn't get hung up on age and sun tans etc, as that way lies madness.

How does your DD feel about it? I'd say that's probably the main thing.

Nolim · 12/05/2015 17:36

They are a stablished couple so i guess you have to be civil to them.

MirandaWest · 12/05/2015 17:41

Does your DD want them both to be there? If my DC were doing something I'd ask if they wanted both XH and his DP there.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 12/05/2015 17:41

Does your DD have a good relationship with her?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 12/05/2015 17:42

Sounds like you have issues.

Joysmum · 12/05/2015 17:52

If your dd wants them both there then she should have them both tgere. The ow may not be your family but d may consider her that, no matter how much it hurts you.

ElsieMc · 12/05/2015 17:55

Of course the op has issues fgs. No-one is a saint. How awkward for you op. I would have hoped he would have the sensitivity to give this a miss and only attend if your dd particularly requested he do so. More importantly, will your dd feel under pressure if the atmosphere is strained?

I know from sad experience that the child will often feel their loyalties divided and it becomes more about the adults' feelings than a positive experience for the child.

It is quite right that she is his daughter, but she is not his new partners. They both need to employ a bit of sensitivity and perhaps attend the next event and you both reach agreement about this for everyone's sake.

LesleyKnopeFan · 12/05/2015 17:57

Difficult one, because even if your dd doesn't want her there, it may possibly seem like it's coming from you.

I'm surprised he's brining her, he committed adultery and left his family for her, this is something important to the child you and he had together.

I think say she was the ow and involved in your breakup (assuming that's how it happened is the key point here).

I think that the best course of action is to say nothing, go ahead, be civil, head high, you're better than them and that will speak volumes.

And Thanks for you, it must hurt.

Original poster
chasegirl · 12/05/2015 18:50

the new wife has been to bigger events but it has been easier to avoid them and I sat way away from them. This will be a much smaller event maybe 40 adults plus she will be obviously pregnant which somehow feels worse
I only mentioned the holiday/tan as a small jokey thing -never good if soneone you like looks better than you is it?
Dd onky asked if her Dad was coming. Sge does get on with his wife but she doesnt know what happened she is too young

OP posts:
00100001 · 12/05/2015 18:56

Well the problem is yours and you have to get over it. You will have to interact with this woman as presumably she is around when dd is with her dad?

Quitelikely · 12/05/2015 18:56

I wouldn't go.

SylvaniansAtEase · 12/05/2015 19:01

'We will be a small group so really only appropriate for parents I would think.'

  • is as much as I think you would be able to say, if you don't want to give the impression that it bothers you.

With luck, that kind of wording - the 'we' - might make him (or her) think that actually, they'll be the ones feeling awkward at being there.

Do you know all the other parents, do they know the situation? If yes (and especially if they're your friends, or some of them are), then a more directly worded 'and it would be a shame if X was made to feel under the spotlight at such a delicate time' might be possible...

Hope she goes for a walk at 39 weeks, steps in dog poo, can't bend down to clean it off, he bends down for her and puts his back out just as a car drives through a puddle and splashes him, sending nodules of the dog poo right into his face. :)

LesleyKnopeFan · 12/05/2015 19:12

Why should she not go and why is it her problem?

Her husband cheated on her and is now married to the OW and starting a family with her. The pain must be awful.

The OW should do the right thing and not go. So what if she's married to the dad, let's face it, she waived her rights when she got involved with a married man.

I guess the most important thing is OPs DD but the ex and his wife should consider OPs feelings too.

I can't imagine anyone in a similar position would feel any different?

fortunately · 12/05/2015 19:15

I'm in exactly your position and sorry I would say that the only way out of this with dignity is to brass it out with her there.

Nod, smile, be gracious, unruffled. Be civil if you can't avoid it but otherwise float about supremely unbothered.

Hard as fuck, yes but you don't have any other options that don't make you look mental, bitter or jealous Hmm

Spotifymuse · 12/05/2015 19:16

If she was a decent human being she wouldn't go.
But she's an OW so that's a moot point Wink
If you can, just do the 'smile and nod' thing through clenched teeth and enjoy your child's achievement Smile
OW probably got varicose veins and piles and is too tired for sex. Focus on that rather than the holiday tan Grin

TheWintersmith · 12/05/2015 19:17

Thing is, though

You might feel angry or sad or embarrassed at him and his smug 'younger model'

But what is everyone else thinking?

' bloody hell look at the cheek of that smug git. Trades the lovely chase in for a younger model, left chase holding the baby. What a trooper that Chase is, what a dick he is'

Let him bring her. ( this happened in our village btw) he got so sick of the sniggering and scornful looks he quietly phased out attending stuff. Tosser. Didn't last.

Original poster
chasegirl · 12/05/2015 19:17

LOL Sylvians fingers crossed!
Yes some of dds friends parents know what happened but we are not close and dont want to foist myself on them on the day cos they will be there with their families.
Am not looking forward to this.It lasts for 1 1/2 hours with refreshments

OP posts:
Original poster
chasegirl · 12/05/2015 19:23

thank you fortunately and Winter. He has the hide of a rhino tho.
Spoitfy thats the thing if I was her I wouldnt be going either but maybe she is also thick skinned

OP posts:
ThisFenceIsComfy · 12/05/2015 19:28

I am never invited to any of my DSCs events. It makes me a bit sad that I never get to see any of it but I understand that his ex doesnt want me there and that's her choice, which I respect.

ThisFenceIsComfy · 12/05/2015 19:28

Not the OW though!

Fairylea · 12/05/2015 19:33

As hard as it is I think you have to go and smile and be super nice - anything else will just seem bitter and petty especially as she is carrying the sibling for your little girl. For your dds sake I think she needs to see you all getting on and to feel like you are all part of the same family - as vomit inducing as it is. (Been in very similar situations).

NRomanoff · 12/05/2015 19:45

I think you have to front it out for dd.

Although I am so shocked him or her think going is a good idea. Smacks of them trying to prove a point rather than putting dd first.

Debinaround · 12/05/2015 19:48

They sound like a couple of right bellends chase

Agree with Spotify. Bet she has piles like a bunch of grapes hanging out her arse and everyone will think your ex is a prize twat for dragging her along. Flowers

Original poster
chasegirl · 12/05/2015 19:50

I do have to put up dont I? :-(

Its goung to be a very long morning on Saturday.

OP posts:
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