Would I be wise to ask exp not to bring his wife?

[chasegirl]

Dd has a small presentation this weekend for her hobby. its only for her class so maybe 20 children. I let exp kbow and he wants to bring his 6 month pregnant wife. I dont want her there-she was OW and is 20 years younger than me and ex. We broke up 2 years ago.
I want to text him to ask him not to bring her but not sure if that would make him feel smug and that I am still bothered. am not but think it will be just too uncomfortable and a bit humiliating for me given its only a small event.
Plus they will have just returned from holiday so will be all relaxed/tanned etc :-(
What shall I do? Text him or suck it up??

Meh. If people want to call her OW then that's up to them.

I was just pointing out that she stopped being OW the minute she became the exclusive partner.

She's not the OW now, she's the OP's ex's wife.

I'm liking the "Meh" part of your post aftermath a great deal of people on this board would love to reach there. But I disagree that she stopped being OW the minute she became exclusive partner.
In my opinion, she will always be OW & Wife. There will always be an element of OW there. She won't just get to set up shop and act as if nothing happened. She will have had a past as an OW. She won't always have to face it on a day to day basis but it will be, and remain, fundamentally a part of her history and she will not be able (or allowed to) just discard it because now being Mrs.xxx suits her better.

Good decision

FUCKSAKE! THIS IS SOMEONE'S LIFE HERE.

While some of you cold-hearted hags are arguing the toss, theory and self-righteousness pouring out of your arses, op's marriage and predicted future has been trashed by a shit and shitette - and all you can spout from your high hill is that she should suck it up/butt out. Your disdain for the very real suffering of the op, and those like her, in this horrible situation is repulsive to me.

Op, sit at, or near, the front. Engage in animated convo with those around you. Throw a few micro withering/pitying/amused glances in the general direction of shit and shitette should the need arise. Think of the countless MNers there with you, willing you on

Is it the case that your dd's school doesn't restrict attendance at these type of events to immediate family (i.e bio parents and siblings) only, chasegirl?

As HumblePotato said "... if this was 14 years from now and DD was graduating from Uni and the discussion was about whether or not OW should come to the ceremony then that woman would still be an OW.. She will carry that title for life IMHO".

I agree that, even where the term comes to be used in a quasi affectionate manner, OW (or WsofB) is what they are, and what they'll stay until they shake off this mortal coil.

As was said upthread, it's more likely the OW who negatively impacted on your life has insisted on being present, complete with flaking tan and piles, out of fear that her prize will gravitate to you ... as JG said, marrying a mistress creates a vacancy and it's ever the case that uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.

Adopting a magnanimous stance from the top of the compost heap moral high ground is de rigeur for public appearances of this nature but, as that doesn't mean you have to mingle up close and personal with the OW, you can be the serene countenance who is always on the other side of the room.

Dress in accordance with the occasion (smart-casual?) and reward yourself with a well-deserved after you've given a stellar performance of 'am i bovvered'

Good luck to your dd - I have no doubt she'll excel, as will you.

Update after the event please!

All the best chase. Remember you have a thread-load of MNers right behind you.

Good luck

Good luck Chasegirl. May your day be easier than you think. Enjoy your friends and watching your child. "They" don't matter..

Tell him there's restrictions on numbers and only two adults per child. The OW can put her feet up at home (not the first time she may have done this!)

Good luck chase. I think your plan is an excellent one!

It went ok! They were a bit late and had to ring the bell to get in and sit at the back. I was on the front row. It was much smaller than i thought only about 25 in the audience. I managed to sit by a Mom friend too. I avoided the refreshments though cos I would gave had to walk past them.

It was supposed to last 1 1/2 hours but was only 45 mins in the end. Hope ex doesnt think I mislead him about the time!

Proud of myself tho.Next time wont be half as worrying.

Good for you

Well done, OP.

Oh brilliant, well done OP! Glad you brushed through that all right, and yes, next time should be easier.

Gross situation for you. Really not sure what to advise

Sorry x post, well done

Oh that worked out perfectly! Well done!

Was quite chuffed how calm I felt. It didnt bother me much at all. Think I had built it up way too much in my head.
Glad its over but I feel stronger for it. Thank you all

That's fabulous. One hurdle over.

Good for you!

Well done OP.

Glad it went ok. The next events will be much easier.

Dress yourself up to look your best, get your hair done, the works - but not too obviously! Make sure you look immaculate and wear high heels.
With a bit of luck she'll have morning sickness, bedraggled hair, look dreadfully frumpy etc.

This.
It's not unheard of for EXH's to do a complete about turn and start finding their Ex wives attractive again.

Over the years, the tables become 'turned'.
The OW finds herself becoming the humdrum, everyday person and the ex wife, starts to look like the exotic one.
I know ex wives who dress up the the nines every time their ex husbands come round to pick the children up.
Not because they want the cheating b*** back, but just to mess with their heads

Good luck, OP.
Go with a friend for support. And hold your head up high.
Don't envy the OW/New Wifey.
Who knows.... In a couple of years time it's quite possible he will get fed up with her and leave her for another woman. Once a cheat, always a cheat.

She needs your sympathy and pity, not envy

I should have read the whole thread - I see you went and everything was fine.
Well done.
As you say, it will get easier and easier.