HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on ...part 8

[Izzie595]

Nobody understands the fully devastating impact of the ending of a marriage unless and until they experience it themselves

Welcome to Hobbit's Bar. Thread number 8.

The previous thread has been filled in less than a fortnight. Therefore, I've included below the post I did for Thread number 7. Links to all the threads in this series are below.
...........................................................................................................

This is the place where we meet to let it all out, to share experiences, to get support, and maybe give support if and when we feel able. And also to sometimes have a good laugh about things, because Hell, we've earned the right to laugh!

The bar is owned by Hobbit. She is adorable, kind, and bonkers. And lazy. So we take turns in running the bar for her ladyship.

I'm the latest proprietor of the bar. Izzie Age 54. Married 30 years. Two young adult sons living with me. Husband left to live with OW on Halloween last year. Very appropriate! No moves towards divorce or financial settlement at present. I started posting my own stuff on MN at the start of the year. Best thing I ever did. Well, I've had better successes in life, but you get my point, yes? I've been through the whole range of emotions, backwards, forwards, round and round: It's not a linear process by any means. And it does seem common to have a huge crash at 4 to 6 months in. Today I'm meh. Mostly.

There are a range of experiences in the Bar, generally at any one time. Examples: the early stages of separation; negotiating; legal matters; abuse in all forms; feeling stronger; having a major crash again; dealing with fuckwittery from the exes; financial worries; issues involving both young and adult children; moving towards the Mecca that is "meh". Basically, the whole works. Believe me, whatever you are currently experiencing, you are not alone.

My advice to any newbies: just jump in, but if you have the time and inclination, try reading all of the threads. You will see real women experiencing their bleakest moments, their progress, their dips, their innermost thoughts.

Rules of The Bar

1. Don't ask to join just come in
2. The phrase Party Pooper is banned. We may be having a good old giggle sometimes but someone in need must interrupt whatever is going on. We can't all be in sync, but someone in need ALWAYS takes priority
3. You are not obliged to give advice, reply to any posts, there are no expectations of you. Take what you want from the thread.

And just to ease you in, here are a few things you may wish to know:

1. An Izzietini is the bar drink.
2. A number 6 refers to rule number 6 in Hobbit's Twunts list. Reasons why they do things. Because they are....... Erm, no, the answer is not "misguided"
3. Mother, WellWhoKnew or WWK. Recently divorced, previous proprietor of the Bar and a legend of MN to those who followed her own threads. Also a legend on here for her straightforward advice. And keeps us in order.
4. Some of the posters also have their own threads. I hope they will do a link for you
5. There's a bad case of exclamationitis on here. Occurs when trying to put in a comma on ipad, but it auto corrects to an exclamation mark. So if you post and get a dodgy comment back, eg "Have you thought about counselling! sounds like you need help!".....please believe us that we are not sarky cows. Because the rule of exclamationitis is that we only spot it after we have posted!
6. Our sayings are "Shit, this is hard" and "KOKO", keep on keeping on
7. Our theme tune, to keep us going, is below

At the beginning of this year Fontella posted this on the first thread:

"Can I just say as more of a reader rather than a participant on this thread (I got shot of my lying, conniving, controlling ex 10 years ago) that this is fast turning into my favourite thread. Lots of powerful, courageous and funny (in a good way) women all coming together and supporting each other through an incredibly painful time. You are all fabulous!"

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

I wanna namechange too, < jealous cow>
What can I be? thinks very hard but brain hurts

I'm back! Can't believe how easy name changing is. It was a drunken thought last night and I quite liked it so thought I would grab the name regardless. I might bring it out on special occasions.

Curtain!!! I meant garden!

It's got to have hobbit in there somewhere, otherwise you won't know who the hell I am, obvs I'm not going to be a wife for very much longer, so what can I be?
Answers on a postcard to,
Ex hobbit wife,
Arse end of nowhere,
Hangoverland,
Pissedoffshire.

No Lycratwats need reply.....

LycraIsAPainInTheArse

No6IsACunt

HobbitIsDaft

HobbitHasABar

HappyHobbit

HobbitIsHilarious

You've changed back again! Didn't I tell you my brain hurts!
Can't keep up with you woman,

Mmmm.... Considering names....
Nah, considering throwing a sickie today, do ya know my brain hurts?

Ha ha sodoff loving the name change, must be cuntagious

iwas he seemed pretty serious. He's spent hours upon hours out there toiling all on his lonesome don't you know while the kids and I have sat on our arses doing bugger all.

The truth is, he has worked hard in the garden but....... We've also had help during some part of pretty much every year and on a weekly basis last year. I have done the flower beds and the pots myself - and with my mum's help - but of course rarely to his liking. There was a huge row last year when I 'destroyed' a hedge by de-rambling it with my dad's help. I was told it was his bloody garden. The kids have offered to help with the mowing but of course - you've guessed - they don't mow properly!!

Why am I upset about the demise of my marriage??? I'm so cross with myself really

He asked me this morning why I've started to swear more. He doesn't like it apparently..... Must be the company I'm keeping

Hey lovelies, I found out yesterday that bitchface and fuckface have a cleaner! A fucking cleaner!

She lives in a tiny , two up two down house, and she has a cleaner!
Lazy cow, maybe she s too tired to clean up because of ol mister sleep apnoea and his Darth Vader mask, keeping her from getting any shuteye

not living

We should have a Hobbit's Bar silly names day!

Hobbit it was really easy to change to my surprise, obviously all down to the computer skills I learnt in the Bar!

Throw a sickie, you deserve it. I bet you have been to work quite a lot since all this happened when you weren't up to it. I am so pleased I don't have to work today the housework can sod off today too but want to do some gardening as it's really lovely this morning. Though I think it's supposed to change this afternoon so need to make the most of it.

hobbit a cleaner. Now there's an idea for essential expenditure.....

Aren't we nearly at the end of the thread? where will we go??

Semtex

1 he was serious? A lot of them are like that aren't they? They are the only ones who could do the job properly. Sid's like that. He didn't do much in the garden but he's so bloody thorough with everything. He'll stand there for ages and decide how he's going to do something, then measure and re-measure rather than just bloody getting on with it. Used to drive me nuts!

It's perfectly natural to be upset even if you know they are not worth getting upset about. Even though I'm now relatively meh about Sid I'm still very sad about the end of my marriage even though I was lied and cheated on for 25 years. I feel a failure thinking I'm going to end up divorced even though I know it's the right thing.

Hobbit she's even more of a lazy cow than you then!! Do you think the cleaner has to polish his mask?!

I swear more too since I've been in here

1 I think Bobs is supposed to be doing the new one...

Hello sodoff you've given me a giggle today!

and Semtex I am loving the new username too.

My head is very woolly.

Hobbitwife001 what about Hobbitsaloon? It can be read two ways!!

Erm, if I could go back in time and have control over my accounts, I would buy a washing machine, a decent car and couple of new laptops and other such 'necessaries' which all broke down when I was put on a budget (which MrSW found outrageous!)...I will always remember his hissy fit about the cat insurance....

Why don't you all come to the arse end of nowhere and we'll start a commune for disgraceful ex-wives?
WWK can be mother of course, I'll be in charge of cocktails, bobs can be fitness instructor, green can be our psychologist, izzie will be in charge of interior decor, 1 can be head of educational services, Frizzy is our medical professional, living is head of security and iwas can be 'mad cat lady' < have to have one of them in a commune>
Waddya think? Is it a goer?

Alternatively, we could just start another thread,
See y'all later, xx

How vair dare you, WWK I thought you were my mucker!

Just to give us all a chuckle.... Jess not impressed... It's a panda....

WWK I rather like the name I have to say... You have a woolly head too. I'm still in my nightie!!! I had to get my daughter to ask Sid to take her to her summer job this morning as I didn't think I should drive. He'd have a fit if he knew I wasn't dressed still

I like Hobbitsaloon very clever.

Hobbit I don't think I'm the only mad cat lady on here

You off to "wurk" now?

Aww at Jess more dog cruelty

HobbitHasALovelyDogCalledJessWhoWearsLotsOfHats

iwas as was! this is for you. No it's not a pair of dark glasses, some tablets or a hair of the dog

Decisions, decisions

I think someone needs to drag Bobs out of her slumber to get the new thread up and running...

I am definitely mad cat lady - as me and feral cat are now having full blown conversations. I have no idea why but my two utterly love him yet they hate all other cats (and sometimes each other).

He's coming within a couple of feet of me these days.

I'm in favour of dumping the thread and doing an iwas, ie Sod off. To the arse end of nowhere and live in a commune. All those on joint accounts, spend spend spend first, they will never find us....