HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on ...part 8

[Izzie595]

Nobody understands the fully devastating impact of the ending of a marriage unless and until they experience it themselves

Welcome to Hobbit's Bar. Thread number 8.

The previous thread has been filled in less than a fortnight. Therefore, I've included below the post I did for Thread number 7. Links to all the threads in this series are below.
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This is the place where we meet to let it all out, to share experiences, to get support, and maybe give support if and when we feel able. And also to sometimes have a good laugh about things, because Hell, we've earned the right to laugh!

The bar is owned by Hobbit. She is adorable, kind, and bonkers. And lazy. So we take turns in running the bar for her ladyship.

I'm the latest proprietor of the bar. Izzie Age 54. Married 30 years. Two young adult sons living with me. Husband left to live with OW on Halloween last year. Very appropriate! No moves towards divorce or financial settlement at present. I started posting my own stuff on MN at the start of the year. Best thing I ever did. Well, I've had better successes in life, but you get my point, yes? I've been through the whole range of emotions, backwards, forwards, round and round: It's not a linear process by any means. And it does seem common to have a huge crash at 4 to 6 months in. Today I'm meh. Mostly.

There are a range of experiences in the Bar, generally at any one time. Examples: the early stages of separation; negotiating; legal matters; abuse in all forms; feeling stronger; having a major crash again; dealing with fuckwittery from the exes; financial worries; issues involving both young and adult children; moving towards the Mecca that is "meh". Basically, the whole works. Believe me, whatever you are currently experiencing, you are not alone.

My advice to any newbies: just jump in, but if you have the time and inclination, try reading all of the threads. You will see real women experiencing their bleakest moments, their progress, their dips, their innermost thoughts.

Rules of The Bar

1. Don't ask to join just come in
2. The phrase Party Pooper is banned. We may be having a good old giggle sometimes but someone in need must interrupt whatever is going on. We can't all be in sync, but someone in need ALWAYS takes priority
3. You are not obliged to give advice, reply to any posts, there are no expectations of you. Take what you want from the thread.

And just to ease you in, here are a few things you may wish to know:

1. An Izzietini is the bar drink.
2. A number 6 refers to rule number 6 in Hobbit's Twunts list. Reasons why they do things. Because they are....... Erm, no, the answer is not "misguided"
3. Mother, WellWhoKnew or WWK. Recently divorced, previous proprietor of the Bar and a legend of MN to those who followed her own threads. Also a legend on here for her straightforward advice. And keeps us in order.
4. Some of the posters also have their own threads. I hope they will do a link for you
5. There's a bad case of exclamationitis on here. Occurs when trying to put in a comma on ipad, but it auto corrects to an exclamation mark. So if you post and get a dodgy comment back, eg "Have you thought about counselling! sounds like you need help!".....please believe us that we are not sarky cows. Because the rule of exclamationitis is that we only spot it after we have posted!
6. Our sayings are "Shit, this is hard" and "KOKO", keep on keeping on
7. Our theme tune, to keep us going, is below

At the beginning of this year Fontella posted this on the first thread:

"Can I just say as more of a reader rather than a participant on this thread (I got shot of my lying, conniving, controlling ex 10 years ago) that this is fast turning into my favourite thread. Lots of powerful, courageous and funny (in a good way) women all coming together and supporting each other through an incredibly painful time. You are all fabulous!"

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

DD wouldn't stay in bed with the dog this morning while i popped to the local shop for milk, even when i said I'd lock the door and put the alarm on. On the way there (had to go in the car with her in her pjs) she said it's because something might happen to me on the way :(

She's away with school soon hope she's going to be having too much fun to worry about me.

Aww, bless her, Braving, it's only natural to be a bit anxious about things when your world has changed.
She will come to see that everything will be ok, you are her rock, you are a great mum and she will adapt to your new situation, it's still early days yet.

Jess has a good one last night, she's a lazy caahhhh... Still in bed...

Does Tesco's sell uzi's?

Be interested to see your lists ladies....

Hobbit cash back! bloody brilliant! I have wasted 6 months on that score. Doesn't help that I do an online supermarket shop of course. Will have to "forget" more items and go in.

I was thinking that if I can knock the smoking on the head and just use the e cigs I have, that's a sizeable amount each week to squirrel away

I'm thinking about my essentials list. Some of which are in yours. Be back later

jess soooo cute

Another tip, if you have any loyalty cards that are joint, get a new one in your name only and rack up the points on that one instead

Ha ha ha, living that cracked me up!

I'm loving those ideas.

I didn't buy a huge amount yesterday - just some tops for work. I might get some new glasses. I haven't worn contacts for a few years as I had an issue with them through over use but me thinks I might try again. I've ordered a couple of pairs of shoes online. I'm going to do the underwear thing too.

I like the gift voucher/cash idea. I've always been really careful with money - he can be funny about spending when it's not on himself..

Had an upset with HRT already this morning - but I feel stronger knowing that you guys are all here with a cyber hug waiting.

Hope the hangovers get better quickly ladies

living no but there are some gun toting exes probably going spare sometime soon....

1 I don't know why this song always comes to mind when I think of HRT

www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1TD95M8Fe4

living ha ha - we wish...

Catch you lot later, gotta drop DS2 off at work at very large supermarket. I may be a while

Morning everyone I've got a hungover and am a bit sunburnt, even though I put suncream on.

While you are still using joint finances it would be a good idea to make sure you are up to date with dentists, opticians and doctors appointments and pets too - with vaccinations and check ups not opticians!

Izzie why does the dog sound like he quacks rather than barks on that, or is it just me?

izzie do you have a secret camera at mine..? HRT has less hair but otherwise.....

He's grumpy now because it's raining and therefore probably too wet to mow his meadow today. Unlike lucky old me he doesn't have the week off work so what's he going to do if it doesn't stop??? Just as well he's not off work this week in fact - he's going to need every penny

braving school trips are normally packed - try not to worry

Yep, I need to get me self off to the vets to get my shots Iwas, feeling a bit 'ruff' this morning,

Have you got a 'hungover' ? < bless>

The vets I use does a special offer where it's £99 for a lifetime worth of booster jabs for your pet. Worth doing do you think?

Have been toying with idea of contact lenses for awhile, might make an optician appointment too.

' one c**t went to mow, went to mow a meadow, '
Tee HEE, the Hobbiteers version,

I like the cut of your gib, 1 my love, we're sisters from another mister,

Guess who it is!!

Bleurrgghhh.... Got to to to work soon,
REALLY, don't want to, got a 'hungover' or a head like Birkenhead, as they say in the arse end of nowhere.
Wanna stay in bed and watch Netflix and drink tea all day.....

Well, looky here!
Who's this nametasticchange beeatch!
As I live and breathe it's the lovely iwas

hobbit haha. I wonder if there is that version somewhere. I might search.

Yay Iwas but what are we going to call you? SodOff? Can't call you Sid! Can't call you Cow coz that's Floozy init.

Hobbit are you Izzie in disguise taking the mick?!!

From someone who has to "Got to to to work soon"!!

Toast that sounds like a bargain.

1 I can't believe he said that about the curtain, does he actually believe what he says sometimes?