HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on ...part 8

[Izzie595]

Nobody understands the fully devastating impact of the ending of a marriage unless and until they experience it themselves

Welcome to Hobbit's Bar. Thread number 8.

The previous thread has been filled in less than a fortnight. Therefore, I've included below the post I did for Thread number 7. Links to all the threads in this series are below.
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This is the place where we meet to let it all out, to share experiences, to get support, and maybe give support if and when we feel able. And also to sometimes have a good laugh about things, because Hell, we've earned the right to laugh!

The bar is owned by Hobbit. She is adorable, kind, and bonkers. And lazy. So we take turns in running the bar for her ladyship.

I'm the latest proprietor of the bar. Izzie Age 54. Married 30 years. Two young adult sons living with me. Husband left to live with OW on Halloween last year. Very appropriate! No moves towards divorce or financial settlement at present. I started posting my own stuff on MN at the start of the year. Best thing I ever did. Well, I've had better successes in life, but you get my point, yes? I've been through the whole range of emotions, backwards, forwards, round and round: It's not a linear process by any means. And it does seem common to have a huge crash at 4 to 6 months in. Today I'm meh. Mostly.

There are a range of experiences in the Bar, generally at any one time. Examples: the early stages of separation; negotiating; legal matters; abuse in all forms; feeling stronger; having a major crash again; dealing with fuckwittery from the exes; financial worries; issues involving both young and adult children; moving towards the Mecca that is "meh". Basically, the whole works. Believe me, whatever you are currently experiencing, you are not alone.

My advice to any newbies: just jump in, but if you have the time and inclination, try reading all of the threads. You will see real women experiencing their bleakest moments, their progress, their dips, their innermost thoughts.

Rules of The Bar

1. Don't ask to join just come in
2. The phrase Party Pooper is banned. We may be having a good old giggle sometimes but someone in need must interrupt whatever is going on. We can't all be in sync, but someone in need ALWAYS takes priority
3. You are not obliged to give advice, reply to any posts, there are no expectations of you. Take what you want from the thread.

And just to ease you in, here are a few things you may wish to know:

1. An Izzietini is the bar drink.
2. A number 6 refers to rule number 6 in Hobbit's Twunts list. Reasons why they do things. Because they are....... Erm, no, the answer is not "misguided"
3. Mother, WellWhoKnew or WWK. Recently divorced, previous proprietor of the Bar and a legend of MN to those who followed her own threads. Also a legend on here for her straightforward advice. And keeps us in order.
4. Some of the posters also have their own threads. I hope they will do a link for you
5. There's a bad case of exclamationitis on here. Occurs when trying to put in a comma on ipad, but it auto corrects to an exclamation mark. So if you post and get a dodgy comment back, eg "Have you thought about counselling! sounds like you need help!".....please believe us that we are not sarky cows. Because the rule of exclamationitis is that we only spot it after we have posted!
6. Our sayings are "Shit, this is hard" and "KOKO", keep on keeping on
7. Our theme tune, to keep us going, is below

At the beginning of this year Fontella posted this on the first thread:

"Can I just say as more of a reader rather than a participant on this thread (I got shot of my lying, conniving, controlling ex 10 years ago) that this is fast turning into my favourite thread. Lots of powerful, courageous and funny (in a good way) women all coming together and supporting each other through an incredibly painful time. You are all fabulous!"

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

WWK you feel humiliated. I once said that to someone, and their reply was "you've not been humiliated, he has humiliated himself".

What grown man runs away? Well, SW, and the twunt for starters. He ran away for a week, twice. How bloody pathetic is that!!

"Head demons" yes I like that phrase. But these demons are on,y there because we have been out in this situation whereby we have no answers. But then twats who run away are t logical beings, are they? I'm off on a rant I feel

And yes, I know what you mean about trying to decide whether you like being single. I would rather be single than unhappily married. I still maintain my views that most marriages aren't really happy. If I were able to click my fingers and it would happen, I would like to be married again, happily married I mean. It's just that I don't fancy getting there by the traditional route of meeting someone and doing all the dating shit. It doesn't do any good to look too far ahead, I don't think. I can deal with plans involving me, but I can't deal with relationship stuff

I don't have all different emotions each day, I have phases of emotion. Which is great when it's good emotion, but shit when it's not.

How about this for a change of attitude.....the last few days the oven fan has sounded a bit ropey. Today it sounded really bad. Yes I assumed the fan needed changing. So I looked it up, did all the bits and bobs, and luckily it seems it wasn't broken. But the important bits about this story is that 1. I decided to check it out myself and was prepared to fit a new one if necessary, not call someone out. 2. It didn't even occur to me to contact the twunt to ask for help or advice, it didn't even enter my head, I just totally forgot, having got so used to doing things by myself. Go me!

OMG grammar!

WWK I didn't think you were being blunt - rather that you put things in a much better way

Well done Izzie who needs a man anyway. We have t'internet and search engines and our brains

bobs this is when the internet comes into it's own. How different it would be without it!

Hello Izzie and Bobs and anyone else who's still u[p. I've had lots of wine and am a bit tiddly.

Bobs Rest assured: I didn't see your post as a PA...but I'm sure you, like me, being further down the road less travelled: means we both know it is easy to point out the obvious but incredibly difficult to do so in a kindly way.

Just because we've got through that stage, doesn't mean that stage doesn't happen. You've been there, so have I.

I'm always glad to have people respond, because although I know what I mean, I don't necessarily know how it gets interpreted if that makes sense.

KOKO Bobs: Your shit is still hard, and I'm still happy to help.

iwas you little devil

We be on the same page Iwas...

and I have to "wurk" tomorrow.

Well my resolution to take up drinking again is failing miserably. I hardly touch the stuff

Hello WWK you always sound wise and kind with great advice. I have been out with wine since one this afternoon so I am definitely having a lazy day tomorrow. Srry you've got to "wurk" tomorrow.

How you are you Izzie I haven't caught up with all the thread today yet.

Izzie I hardly used to drink, the odd glass here and there and special occasions. I've got tipsy more times in the last six months than I probably did in the previous six ears! I went to a beach party today, I wouldn't normally have gone as it's not me at all but I made an effort and I had a lovely day and evening.

Have one on me

Haha never known anyone with a resolution to take up drinking Izzie

Hi iwas sounds like you've had a good evening - good for you

Wondering how many Cuntastictinis Hobbit's had. Expecting to see a pic of Jess with a hangover tomorrow

I have been out with wine since one this afternoon......How you are you Izzie

Fine am I, painting been

iwas the previous six EARS

bobs I suppose Hobbit will claim that Jess got the Uk 5 points in Eurovision. I imagine copious amounts were drunk to deal with the disappointing finish. We were close. 5 points to us, 365 to the winners!

My resolution today was to go back to e cigs rather than the normal ones. Failed miserably on that score too...

Aww I think iwas is way too easy a target to take the piss out of tonight ( I noticed the 6 ears too and spluttered quietly!!!) Good answer though

We thought Eurovision a tad boring. Could be because no alcohol was drunk in the watching of it!

Well I'm off to bed now, once I've cleared it of the boxes I put on it earlier. Catch you all tomorrow xx

Bobs thank you yes I have. Hope you have had a good evening too.

Has Hobbit been drunk too again

Izzie how are you taking the piss because I'm pissed? What have you been painting today? Room 595 of your mansion?

Izzie I stopped smoking years ago. Been addicted to nicotine gum ever since

bobs but did you notice "how you are you" from the tiddly one?

Ah she loves me taking the mick out of her

Didn't see much of Eurovision as was busy morphing into cooker repair woman. But yes, I'm sure drinking would have helped. Or switching channels

Right, really must go clear that bed xx

iwas been doing doors. Were varnished. Now are primed.

Having 6 ears would be useful, no?

Izzie I know I'm really drunk now because I just re-read your last post a few times and was going to take the piss back out of you wondering why you need to clean boxes to get to bed. Then I realised it said cleared not cleaned.

I think I need to go to bed too...

I am as drunk as a Lord.

But then, today, I 'wurked' out that I feel guilty for everything.

Thus,...fuck the world. I am so not doing guilt anymore.

'Til I wake up in the morning...

Yes I did see it - that's why I said good answer! Witty or what mind you she managed an answer back - even in her pissed star!

Night x