Affair - Learning to Cope Part 4

[OpheliaRose]

Many you will have read my threads 1 2 3

I found out almost 3 weeks ago that my husband was having an affair with a girl from his work. Not only where they exchanging flirty messages but had also had blow jobs and sex at the office when confronted my Husband told me he had feelings for the OW and would be leaving me for her.

3 weeks on and the pain I feel is still unbearable, he has been spending time with OW and her child, wants to have our Twins EoW and is planning on introducing the Twins sooner rather than later as the OW will be a big part of his and their life. Heart broken doesn't even cover what I am currently feeling and experiencing

I have decided to file for divorce on grounds of adultery but as its currently stands will not be naming the OW. This is not an easy choice for me to make however I do not think it will make me feel any better because apart from the courts, me Husband and OW no one will know. They appear to feel no shame at their actions anyway so what good would it do.

I want to thank all you wonderful ladies for your continued support at this very hard time for me.

I just feel so inexperienced... its almost like going on a date with someone you know is more experienced than you

Play on the inexperienced thing? Have fun with it? Think, "I'm trying something new today". The worse thing is that you have to walk out of the store and wipe it all off (and I bet it won't come to that).

Christina you make me laugh

it will be fun, honestly.

And you'll walk away with a spring in your step.

Oh and while you're at it get yourself a new perfume and get rid of anything from the past.

Just try to allow a thought that you can be happy in the future with marriage and a baby.

And once you've climbed a little hurdle you will feel a tiny little sense of achievement and that feels good!

Ophelia
Go and meet you DB (with your friends of course) and H's friends. Time to tell your version of what happened. Just hint them that they were naughty at the office- and tell as jokes that all his sentences start with 'WF believes that the best for me is - she says that - she did ...' and explain the meaning of WF. Don't speak too much/ Acknowledge that you still have feelings for him. Not too much. I trust you are too decent to hijack the conversation but do not be afraid to make them laugh on his/her/your account- a bit just a bit. That will relieve you. Make him what he became: a fool a marionette whose strings are pulled by WF.

Why don't you ask @ style & beauty boards for personal shopper, make up counter recommendations?
Or trawl through old posts. There will be tried & tested recommendations there.

I recommend house of colour for 'colour coding' me, and I did a make up day with them.
It changed my life!
Do it! Take a friend? It's so exciting/fun, and will teach you how to look your absolute best.

What is your most favourite item of clothing ever? I bet that's your best colour. Try things in that colour.

I will give you another laugh then Phee

Ds and I were sitting one night and he said "mum what did we have for dinner?" I replied, shepherds pie. He said, " yes, it's just like your hair, all brown, white , yellow and orange"

Apparently I pay a fortune for my hair to resemble shepherds pie

The lesson being, do all this experimenting before the twins get old enough to comment!

just watching that make up video

Ophelie
Do you know what he does not like? Did he ever tell not to wear specific items /cuts etc. Try them. But with taste. With the Ophelie' soul.
If you want you can describe a bit yourself- body/face and we will try to help you have an idea of what to look for.
We already know you are very feminine, delicate, romantic etc- in fact I am imagining you in maxi dancing a bit boho dresses/skirts, with the following palette: old rose/delicates hues of green and beige, quite muted colors etc Inspiration: pre-raphaelites paintings (they painted Ophelia again and again!) but with a modern twist (some asymmetric cut here or there; there are now some tops that open in the back in a very interesting ways.) But of course I might be wrong.

LOL Christina!
Is your little son ready to go to his scout camping?

ma you are so lovely

I'm about 5'5 so i often find it hard to get things that look good short sometimes is still too short but regular is too long. I have to say i'm skinnyish i'm a size 10 but i haven;t really got much shape if that makes sense.

I'm not used to wearing heels any more mostly just wear leggings and a jumper or ill fitting jeans and frumpy tops

Mama

Yes he is! It's me that's not looking forward to it, he's never been away two nights so I will miss him, but it will be such good fun for him

You would look lovely in a pair of skinny jeans...or even a flare ( which are very this season).

You could try coloured denium, but maybe stick to dark blue denium, black, white, light blue...

Try plainer tops as opposed to patterned, then you can select something that you are comfortable in and will last.

Look in shops like next, warehouse, oasis.

Have you got those highlights yet?

Or you could go for the Taylor swift look...dark blond with red lipstick....very glam.

I would LOVE to be 5'5" and a size10! Go with the personal shopper idea, it will make you try some new stuff (even if you hate it it will be funny). Also, I know what you mean about make up counters, one of my bridesmaids frog-marched me to one before I got married and I was pleasantly surprised (though I refused to wear foundation and insisted on very neutral as I have the clown-fear too). Treat yourself!

Btw no-one will laugh at you Phee (especially not with your DB around ??).

Ophelia.

You should buy something new tomorrow and go out tomorrow night, Bring your friend with you, ( your poor brother's dying to see her.)

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the right thing.
You will feel nervous, but just do it, if not for the change. It'll do you the world of good.
You really deserve a night out.

Shoe wise:

A wedge...or block heel?

Hi Phee,

Found your new thread! You sound more confident this evening. Hope I'm reading that right.

I really dislike make up counters. I do wear light make up, but find 'experts' just do me wrong. I prefer playing around at home and have also picked up a few tips from watching QVC over the years!!

oh and don't worry about what WF looks like. Just remember this quote from Roald Dahl's 'The Twits':

“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it. A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

So at this rate WF might look like the back end of a Rhino by next year.

Phee, I found you!!!

I've been away and missed so much!!

After catching up with everything my jaw is on the floor- MEET HER?????

Christ yes please, let's go out like BFFs. We'll get shitfaced and she can give me as much parenting advice as she likes. I'd then have to find some way to get WANK FODDER tattooed on her forehead!!

Hey a girl can dream!

I'm sorry this hideous pair are putting you through the wringer like this. I want nothing more than to give you a massive hug. If you're in North Yorkshire I will travel!! Xx

Have been lurking but just wanted to suggest that just because H's email said all those things, you need not engage on those points. They do not get to decide what topics and when such topics should be discussed.

Just email him collection and return time for DT.

Let your solicitor deal with the house, etc. that is what you are paying him for. Also, did you say that solicitor was going to write to h to suggest timescale for introducing future partners? Well, then you can disregard whatever he says about meeting WF.

Don't engage on anything except on absolute minimum and treat them with the contempt they deserve.

I always wish i had a bit more curve to me i just feel a bit unshapely, everything seems to be very floaty in the shops too and i'm not sure that would look on me.

I dont know about skinny jeans! I feel like only teenagers should wear those although i secretly like the idea.

awww thanks wristy yeah she just seems a bit crazy to me ... I guess its that cool attitude that makes her so appealing but she can't seriously think i'd ever want to meet her?! I don;t know how she can even consider looking me in the face

There's no rule on skinny jeans, the editor of French Vogue wears them, and Helen Mirren was recently in an ad sporting a leather jacket. The young'uns can't have all the fun

Well she isn't normally at eye level so I wouldn't worry about her looking you in the face