Affair - Learning to Cope Part 4

[OpheliaRose]

Many you will have read my threads 1 2 3

I found out almost 3 weeks ago that my husband was having an affair with a girl from his work. Not only where they exchanging flirty messages but had also had blow jobs and sex at the office when confronted my Husband told me he had feelings for the OW and would be leaving me for her.

3 weeks on and the pain I feel is still unbearable, he has been spending time with OW and her child, wants to have our Twins EoW and is planning on introducing the Twins sooner rather than later as the OW will be a big part of his and their life. Heart broken doesn't even cover what I am currently feeling and experiencing

I have decided to file for divorce on grounds of adultery but as its currently stands will not be naming the OW. This is not an easy choice for me to make however I do not think it will make me feel any better because apart from the courts, me Husband and OW no one will know. They appear to feel no shame at their actions anyway so what good would it do.

I want to thank all you wonderful ladies for your continued support at this very hard time for me.

I'm absolute astounded by this man, and so heartbroken for u ophe that he just isn't taking your feelings seriously!!
After 3weeks you can meet her if you like before the children do, my lord!!! It's so insensitive!

I know your not ok, coz I wasn't but you will be! Sending

The woman who my ex left me for was very 'cool' (and French, so you can imagine how dumpy I felt). She and I came face to face at an event and she was all over me like some guilty rash, commenting on everything I was doing like it was charming, "Oh, you're having a coffee!" "Oh, we're wearing similar boots!"

Looking back, her super sexeh, cool exterior was actually quite insecure and pathetic - even worse, she was lumbered with my ex. My OH now is 100x the man my ex could ever dream of being.

The list of all the things I hated about him helped. I can't believe I fell for a guy whose seduction technique was to play card tricks after dinner

If you are straight up/down you have the easiest shape to dress.

You can wear pleat front to give you a curve.

TurnipCake thats exactly how I imagine her being ...with some added air kisses

you can wear most things with the rectangle shape.

I see next skinny jeans recommended on s&b all the time.
Next day delivery.
Have an order up / try on in the comfort of your own home.

I wear skinny jeans and I'm the wrong side of 40 and definitely not a size 10!
You'll look fab in them
Go out with db and his friends and have some fun
Also, I wonder how 'reasonable' your ex h will be when the time comes for you to introduce your DT's to someone new.

Liking your new thread title. I can't wait until we see a thread entitled 'Who is WF?'

Size 10, of course you can do skinny jeans, I would go for a nice slinky top and heels too. Have you looked at any websites for dressing acording to body type?

Here are a couple

www.sheknows.com/beauty-and-style/articles/826747/dressing-for-your-body-type

www.bodyshapefashionadvice.com/

Skinny jeans, heels and blonde highlights purr

Just keep going, taking a day or even a minute at a time. You will get through this.

I posted on one of your earlier threads, as my marriage imploded in a very similar way and I really do understand what you are going through. One of the really big issues for me was that people were laughing at me, and if I am honest I still feel a little bit of that quite a few years later - I know now they aren't but that feeling that there is something wrong with you because your apparantly perfect husband shagged the office tart in working time (mine did it in carparks though, not stationery cupboards, at least I don't think so) is still there occasionally for me. I didnt have counselling, which I think would have helped at the time. I did have Diazepam though, and that did take the edge off the pain in those horrendous early few months.

I also did name the OW. She delayed a bit and even sent back the forms accepting she had committed adultery and complaining about the costs she was liable for!!! At the time I divorced, the co-respondents in an at fault divorce were responsible for the costs, so it really didnt bother me if there was a delay caused by her failing to return the papers as the solicitor arranges for balliffs to serve them (and we had a fiendish plan to do this at her workplace) and they would have had to pay the additional costs anyway.

I have never regretted naming her, and it was a way, probably the only way at the time, that I was able to get a voice and be heard, which was important for me. I also wanted her to see what she had done in black and white - all the divorce papers except arrangements for children and the financial settlement are copied to corespondents. They have also been refused permission to marry in Church and I believe have tried several different churches - it appears to be something that is very important to the OW, because although some churches will marry divorcees - they wont marry a couple who were both involved in adultery. It's just given me some power, and it is important to be able to take back some power and have a voice.

Continuing to think of you and your DTs.

Phew, I've lurked for some time but I'd just like to say that like everyone else I think you're absolutely incredible, you've been so level-headed where I'd have been an angry and illogical mess. You should feel very proud of yourself

Phee have you got any pets?

Ooh yes can totally advocate pets for making you feel better :)

When my parents split up my mum bought us a dog, it sounds daft but he really helped the healing process.

Tops and jeans (skinny with flat sandals or flare with sport shoes to run after the twins) can be great on you I think. You are a petite frame: go on tailored shirts- and 'shapeless': so go on fluid fabric with some interesting twist- or go on super perfectly tailored tops (al Japonaise). No to baggy stuff. From Zara online (they have many nice tops and interesting jeans: big pockets at the front that might shape you- I do not know why but I do not like pleats in trousers :

static.zara.net/photos2015/V/0/1/p/0605/023/400/2/w/560/0605023400_1_1_1.jpg?timestamp=1425568561287
static.zara.net/photos2015/V/0/1/p/5770/021/430/2/w/560/5770021430_1_1_1.jpg?timestamp=1430418581513
static.zara.net/photos2015/V/0/1/p/7563/050/600/2/w/400/7563050600_1_1_1.jpg?ts=1428336982420
static.zara.net/photos2015/V/0/1/p/3666/071/401/2/w/400/3666071401_1_1_1.jpg?ts=1429882646668
static.zara.net/photos2015/V/0/1/p/7563/047/401/2/w/400/7563047401_1_1_1.jpg?ts=1425066772223
static.zara.net/photos2015/V/0/1/p/2288/662/800/2/w/400/2288662800_1_1_1.jpg?ts=1427115396634
static.zara.net/photos2015/V/0/1/p/2539/873/250/2/w/560/2539873250_1_1_1.jpg?timestamp=1429278318788

Good Night Phee- I got to go-
(Enjoy your shopping-
It is fun to go out shopping-
But if you want order online as a nice MN lady suggested and try at your own convenience at home with your DB and F for advice before keeping what you like. )

You can so wear skinny jeans. I think we have the same shape and I'm only just, reluctantly moving into flares and I will be 40 soon.

Make up wise get your self to bare minerals, such a nice place to start because I didn't feel like I was wearing a load of slap and have worked my way up to primer, liner and mascara...

parsnip a cat or dog are fantastic and therapeutic for adults and children as they are sentient beings.

Don't under estimate the power of feeling great and having a night out.
Bit of a look around and when you get eyed up, which you will COS YOU ARE THIRTY YOU LUCKY COW!! you will feel as if you are still here and still smoking hot.
Don't drink too much or you will cry and delete his number out of your phone till the next day or you wil text him when pissed

My ex was just like him. He asked me "what is your problem?" When I answered the phone frostily one day about a week after he'd left!!!!
"What is your problem? Really?"

Great make up tutorials on you tube by the way.

If you have been living in leggings I can't wait to see your h face as you re invent yourself which I think you will do.
I'll never forget my ex doing a double take when I answered the door in black skinnys, heels and nice too and a blonde bob!
It was the greatest feeling.

You are better off without that tit of an excuse of a man. Without wanting to sound patronising I am so proud of you and what you are doing for the sisterhood. Something WF could never profess to do. You are an inspiration. I bet ypur family are so proud of you and ypur family and friends sound wonderful. Ypur life has been torn apart, yet you have stood strong in the face of adversity..a massive big fat umnetty hug for you

*your x 3 - Election sorry

Ophelia please tell that idiot that you are NOT interested in what OW thinks. I was about to go off onto a rant then but I honestly don't know where to start. My jaw drops every time you update us on what that wanker has said.

Phee - you are 30! You can wear skinny jeans! There are loads of celebs a good decade + older with multiple kids wondering round in them looking amazing (and I don't just mean the ultra-slim women)... whether they suit you or not is a different question and one your mate (lovely she who put your pjs on the radiator) will be honest about... but please do not be ruling out any adult clothes because you are 30!!

I hope you do go out on that night with your DB and his friends. Can absolutely guarantee no one will be laughing at you in the slightest. Ever. At all. Would you have laughed and found it funny in the slightest? Of course not.

It might not be the best night out of your life, but you do need to start getting out when you can (but don't feel bad if it's not right now) because the more you do it, the more natural it will feel, and the more quickly you will reach the stage when you are genuinely having fun rather than 'getting out'. It's only been 3 weeks - no one's expecting you to be life and soul… one more time… PLEASE STOP THINKING 30 IS OLD!!! xx