HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on ...part 7

[Izzie595]

Nobody understands the fully devastating impact of the ending of a marriage unless and until they experience it themselves.

Welcome to Hobbit's Bar. Thread number 7.

This is the place where we meet to let it all out, to share experiences, to get support, and maybe give support if and when we feel able. And also to sometimes have a good laugh about things, because Hell, we've earned the right to laugh!

The bar is owned by Hobbit. She is adorable, kind, and bonkers. And lazy. So we take turns in running the bar for her ladyship.

I'm the latest proprietor of the bar. Izzie Age 54. Married 30 years. Two young adult sons living with me. Husband left to live with OW on Halloween last year. Very appropriate! No moves towards divorce or financial settlement at present. I started posting my own stuff on MN at the start of the year. Best thing I ever did. Well, I've had better successes in life, but you get my point, yes? I've been through the whole range of emotions, backwards, forwards, round and round: it's not a linear process by any means. And it does seem common to have a huge crash at 4 to 6 months on. Today I'm meh. Mostly.

There are a range of experiences in the Bar, generally at any one time. Examples: the early stages of separation; negotiating; legal matters; abuse in all forms; feeling stronger; having a major crash again; dealing with fuckwittery from the exes; financial worries; issues involving both young and adult children; moving towards the Mecca that is "meh". Basically, the whole works. Believe me, whatever you are currently experiencing, you are not alone.

My advice to any newbies: just jump in, but if you have the time and inclination, try reading all of the threads. You will see real women experiencing their bleakest moments, their progress, their dips, their innermost thoughts.

Rules of The Bar

1. Don't ask to join just come in.
2. The phrase Party Pooper is banned. We may be having a good old giggle sometimes but someone in need must interrupt whatever is going on. We can't all be in sync, but someone in need ALWAYS takes priority.
3. You are not obliged to give advice, reply to any posts, there are no expectations of you. Take what you want from the thread.

And just to ease you in, here are a few things you may wish to know:

1. An Izzietini is the bar drink.
2. A number 6 refers to rule number 6 in Hobbit's Twunts list. Reasons why they do things. Because they are....... erm, no, the answer is not "misguided".
3. Mother, WellWhoKnew or WWK. Recently divorced, previous proprietor of the Bar and a legend of MN to those who followed her own threads. Also a legend on here for her straightforward advice. And keeps us in order.
4. Some of the posters also have their own threads. I hope they will do a link for you.
5. There's a bad case of exclamationitis on here. Occurs when trying to put in a comma on ipad, but it auto corrects to an exclamation mark. So if you post and get a dodgy comment back, eg "Have you thought about counselling! sounds like you need help!".....please believe us that we are not sarky cows. Because the rule of exclamationitis is that we only spot it after we have posted!
6. Our sayings are Shit, this is hard and KOKO, keep on keeping on.
7. Our theme tune to keep us going, is below.
8. Jess is our sausage snuffling mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she pops up every now and again to entertain us and to dispense her own brand of advice. She says it as it is. She is currently busy knitting herself some new hats.

At the start of the year Fontella posted this on the first thread:

"Can I just say as more of a reader rather than a participant on this thread (I got shot of my lying, conniving, controlling ex 10 years ago) that this is fast turning into my favourite thread. Lots of powerful, courageous and funny (in a good way) women all coming together and supporting each other through an incredibly painful time. You are all fabulous!"

I couldn't have put it better myself.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Izzie and Bobs you honestly don't know how you have helped ... At least while dd is away I can beaver away at getting info. She's already saying, I can't be bothered taking all my clothes now, can I not just come home at night and get my stuff then go... I think that sounds a little promising ... Do you guys ? I have told him that he must wash her stuff and I'm not to get it home dirty.
Do you think it's possible he planned this to coincide with anniversary, just to catch me at my weakest ? All this and still waiting on my yearly brain scan results... Christ my h is a real piece of work !!

Awwwww.... She's so pretty ain't she?
Shame she can't spell good....

ali glad we have helped. And no I don't think he planned it to coincide with anniversary, it's all about him having the place to himself for the week. Which won't happen very often, will it? And yes, a good sign about DD and of course a hassle for him if he has to collect her

He's a manipulative shithead, ali my love, stay strong, we are all with you, x

For ali my considered opinion on pig man ....

Tough times tonight to all.
I don't know where to start.

wise HRT = His Royal Twuntness. My H. Perhaps I should call him FOTY ( father of the year) after his weekend's performance - worthy of a bloody oscar after being such a let down to DS2 on Friday evening.

Ali my advice re DD is to give ex enough rope and he'll probably
hang himself - metaphorically speaking of course. Teenage girls
are tricky at the best if times. I'm sure a week will be more than enough for both of them. I'd try to enjoy the break. Easier said than done though.
So tricky for you. I've no idea re pension but try not to fret too much. Not tonight. You've had a tricky weekend. I could be totally wrong but if he gets his at - I think you said 49 - it would be strange for you to not be allowed your portion too. Hasn't the law been changed recently too, making the whole pension situation more
flexible. I think you definitely need some advice but it's sleep you need tonight. Things probably won't seem
quite so gloomy tomorrow xx

fairy - silly cows. They deserve each other as friends. You're well rid. Your stalker's time would be better spent watching her ' friend's' back. He's done it to you, he'll do it to her. How these women can live with themselves is a mystery. Looking forward to hearing from you again soon xx

green I'm speechless and that doesn't happen often... Medical compensation to pay for school fees because the money is half his..... What a heartless shit.....with regards your DD, I'm sure she will reflect on things. I've found that mine did and in fact still does when I've 'had words'. A few home truths won't hurt even though it must be tough for all the DC out there. So sad.

Well, that's me done for tonight. Sleep well all. KOKO xx

M

I've started the new thread tonight because won't be able to do during the day, but have directed people to this one first.

New thread

Sorry haven't had much time to reply today, I've been busy.

Hobbit she looks adorable in that picture. My favourite of her. But I still love the "fucking disgrace" one best for comic value and it's spelt correctly

Green a message to your ex

I likes that one izzie
That goes for Ali's twunt as well, that goes without saying.

Thank you for heading up the new thread too izzie you're a

We're a talkative bunch ain't we?

Hobbit yes I was thinking that too.

We

Like

Posting

Lots

Too

Green and Ali I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time with your DCs. I can't imagine dealing with teenagers in this situation, it must be incredibly hard. The thought I hold on to is that one day they will know what we did for them. What we went through and how we didn't leave. Not saying I want a medal or anything but actually yeah I do! I hope you know what I mean, there are bound to be very tough times - there is anger is every single person affected by what these men have done - we just have to be the constant.

Hobbit glad you are back a bit. Hope you are starting to feel better. Things aren't great with me but I'm plodding on. He's demanding half the equity so I'm going to have to fight as it seems unlikely he'll accept anything less out of court. One day he will be out of my life won't he?? And out of my thoughts too. Despite everything I still feel such a loss. For the person I thought he was and the life I thought we'd share.

Anyway can you tell I can't sleep!

SAYS IT ALL

I know poor Jess is a bit fed up with the hats, so thought would post some others instead. I like this one. And oh fuck, I only have one picture left, so you will have to wait for the others

I'm off to bed now. KOKO all. Remember, new thread link is here posted at 23.05. Will leave someone to post nearer the end of this thread xx

Hi family my love, I'm fighting too, I have to, he's not going to beat me down without me scrapping tooth and claw. Have you tried mediation?
I seem to have turned the tables on my twunt, having to explain his thoughts on what he deemed to be 'fair and equitable' < his favourite phrase> in front of our ( male) mediator has concentrated his mind somewhat, and he is coming up with a much better proposal for my son and myself.

But I still got upset after I had talked to him on the phone, that I still felt saddened all that we had experienced between us was so tainted by his callous treatment of me in the last 8 months. I'm still shocked that he would do this to us, his only close family.
Thinking of you and your lovely children, xx

I love that one wise I'm on groupon , I wish they'd do a kill the skinny bastard one as well, just for pipe cleaner man and his bf.

Awwwww... It's yoda pug!

Actually , I don't like pugs, there're pug ugly

Wise at the Groupon

family has he had advice before suggesting 50/50 equity? Mine thinks the same. I think they all think that initially, then they see a sol &/or go to mediation and learn otherwise. It's a shit time

I have a phone convo booked with my sol tomorrow re next plan of attack