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Original poster

Gambling - £550 on MY credit card

199 replies

honeysuckleclimber · 27/04/2015 13:51

I've just logged onto my credit card and find just over £550 has been paid out to a well known gambling website. A well known gambling website that DP prefers to use. Coincidence I think not... Hmm what makes it more shocking as this has all been added on since 22nd April, and £450 of it was two days worth Shock

I am literally lost for words. I know DP likes a gamble but he'd told me he'd cut down, and I never had any idea it was at this sort of level. Ever. Stealing from my credit card?! I don't know what to do. sorry for rrambling, I am a bit blindsided Blush

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 27/04/2015 13:55

Don't know what to do?

  1. Report him for theft to the police and your credit card company
  2. Dump him

You could reverse the order I guess.

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

Hidingmyidentity · 27/04/2015 14:00

Cancel your card immediately & make sure he doesn't have access to it.

ImperialBlether · 27/04/2015 14:07

You know that if he's using your card, it's because his own is maxed out, don't you?

I couldn't live like that. I wouldn't be able to trust him again.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 27/04/2015 14:14

Do you have any way to get the money back? I'd do that as a priority because if he had any of his own money left, he wouldn't have used yours.

Chances are, he's spiralled out of control and he'll have fires to put out all over the place. He's probably not hit rock bottom yet. He's probably going to be convinced that he will get his big win soon and be able to pay it all off. Make sure he can't access your card to spend any more money. It goes without saying that the big win very very rarely comes.

As for your next steps after that... Well, I'd struggle to trust him, but you may want to talk to him. Remember that his promises are meaningless while his eyes are still on the big win, though. He'd promise you the moon on a stick if you'd give him another bet.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/04/2015 14:15

His own cards are likely maxed out, that is perhaps why he has used yours. You are basically now being dragged down with him by association.

You are already £550 down and it could too easily climb a lot higher; do not let him put you further into a financial mire of his making.

You need to end this relationship now before you become any more hurt than you already are. You underestimate (and perhaps have also underestimated) the realities of living with a gambler at your peril and he has perhaps told you that he will give up when he wins big. He likely does not think he has a gambling problem.

Gambling is more important to him than anything or anyone else. You did not cause this and you cannot control or cure his addiction either.

IthoughtATMwasacashpoint · 27/04/2015 14:16

Sounds like he has a serious addiction.

I would report it to the credit card company and the police, it's theft and fraud. Ask the credit card company to cancel the card and issue a new one, keep it where he can't get it or memorise the 3 numbers on the back then erase them from the card.

Tell him he needs to get help, urgently.

NerrSnerr · 27/04/2015 14:21

Do you live with him and have any joint finances? I would cancel the card straight away and tell the company what has happened.

ineedabodytransplant · 27/04/2015 14:48

How did he ever think you wouldn't find out? Or is he so addicted to gambling that he hoped to win big and pacify you that way.

As said, cancel the card straightaway so he can't steal your moneuy anymore.

expatinscotland · 27/04/2015 14:50

This would be a dealbreaker for me. He is addicted to gambling.

GoatsDoRoam · 27/04/2015 14:54

What Cabrinha said: report for theft, and dump.

His action was both unacceptable and criminal.

ImperialBlether · 27/04/2015 15:12

Do you live with this man, OP? What about your debit card? Have you checked that?

WonderingWillow · 27/04/2015 15:18

YY check ALL your accounts. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

How long have you been together?

What are your first feelings on what to do?

BeyonceRiRiMadonna · 27/04/2015 15:22
  1. Fraud
  2. Deceit
  3. Not trustworthy

These 3 things do not equal a relationship. If you opt to stay, this is only the beginning......

TheAssassinsGuild · 27/04/2015 15:22

You have to protect your personal and joint finances immediately. Cancel any cards you have now, even if you think he doesn't know details. Speak to bank, etc about protecting joint accounts (move to your name only?).

How you choose to go forwards from this depends on what you want. At a minimum you need to find out the exact extent of the debt he has run up and his current gambling usage. This is a serious addiction and he has to accept it, face it and change it. You can't do that for him, only he can. If he won't, you are allowed to walk away from the relationship - you have no obligation at all to be dragged down into this.

I am so sorry. This must be hugely shocking and upsetting for you.

flux500 · 27/04/2015 15:37

Well....riding on the side of caution, you could text him and say you think you have been a victim of internet fraud and have reported it to the police. I think you'd know soon if the perpetrator was your DP....

I know that's a bit mean. I guess best thing is to sit him down and ask him. You would need him to log onto all his online betting sites/apps so you can see the extent. I'm not sure what you can do much going forward because even if you do say he is banned from gambling from now on, you wouldn't be able to trust him and that would be a nightmare.

My boyfriend is also prone to a bet. I thought it was a fiver here and there until his mother told me one day that he had had a problem with it in the past. Luckily he hasn't for my credit card details but there are unexplained times when he is flush and then skint in a very short period of time and I'm sure it's the betting.

thecapitalsunited · 27/04/2015 15:43

You need to check with the credit card company that gambling withdrawals aren't seen as cash advances. If they are then you'll be paying interest from the day of the transaction in the same way that you'd pay interest of you used your credit card to withdraw cash from an ATM.

DorisLessingsCat · 27/04/2015 15:46

First get your facts right, it could be credit card fraud. Mine was hacked a few months ago and they took '000s in several transactions over two days.

If it is in fact your DP then really there is nothing you can do but leave him.

pocketsaviour · 27/04/2015 15:47

Oh dear :(

In order to recoup the £550 that he's stolen, report it to the credit card company immediately as an unauthorised use. Just tell them you don't know where the charge is from but you definitely do not use this site and they need to do a chargeback. This will lead to them cancelling the card and sending you a new one, so make sure you keep that one on your person at all times.

What is the situation with your DP - do you live together, do you have DCs? Is he working? Is there any history of gambling problems, has he said anything lately about being skint?

Original poster
honeysuckleclimber · 27/04/2015 16:50

Hi all, Just a quick message to thank you for your replies. I'm at work at the moment, so will type a proper coherent reply when I get home. It was him, he's finally confirmed it with some god awful excuse I'm just not buying. We do live together, have been together 5.5 years but no DCs. They were on the agenda to start trying for later in the year, clearly that's not going to happen so I'm also cross about having to give that up. How irrational is that Blush

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 27/04/2015 17:06

You don't have to give up having DCs. Just don't have the with this man.

Stand your ground and don't fall for any of his waffle, you know that he'll change tack when he sees you don't believe the first lie/excuse.

Are you able to check all your accounts? I would definitely report this to your CC company. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

MissyMistress402 · 27/04/2015 17:07

What an arsehole, hope you get it sorted soon. Dump him soon as. He won't change.

PoppyField · 27/04/2015 17:21

You're not irrational OP, very sane in fact.

Yes, don't give up on DCs. Just give up on him - it won't end well if you try to fix him and then it will be too late for dcs with anyone (sorry, bit of an assumption as I don't know how old you are) Do not even consider kids with this one. In fact, he's quite dump-able right now.

Definitely cancel your card before he can do anything else with your details.

Best of luck.

ImperialBlether · 27/04/2015 17:45

The sooner you end it with him, the sooner you will find someone lovely to have children with. This is not the man you thought he was.

Thanks
mysticpizza · 27/04/2015 18:09

He is living in a dream world waiting for the big win which he will use to put everything right. That will never happen. He can't win, he can't put it all right because he can't stop and he won't stop until he wants to whatever you do or say.

As you've discovered an addicted gambler has no conscience. If he wants to stop there is a lot he can do to help himself but he stands a better chance of success with support.

Has he said he wants to stop? If he has will he do everything that's necessary to do that and is he prepared to do all those things permanently?

If he won't commit to putting his heart and soul into stopping, run. He will drag everyone around down with him until he does.

Original poster
honeysuckleclimber · 27/04/2015 18:13

All of your comments have further reiterated my worry, which is, if he's taking from my card, I dread to think how much he has on his own.

As a background to the gambling, I've always been aware of it to a certain extent although I've never know the monetary value. I've been lead to believe it was small insignificant amounts. Fortunately, we don't have any shared finances. We live in his property, we only share bills.

Although, all of this has got me thinking...he is on a fairly generous salary. There have been times where although my bill share has been transferred over to him and a few weeks unpaid bill notices have come through. He assures me that this is in hand and gets it sorted. There have been occasions where he's told me he's skint, which I've always thought of odd knowing the amount he has paid into his account each month and I do believe there's even been a couple of phone calls from a credit card company. Oh, it seems I've been so naive. At the time, these things were all spaced out so they didn't seem to connect. Only now does it all seem relevant.

I will listen to what he has to say later on tonight, but my thoughts right now are I don't think I can realistically spend my life with a gambling addict and honestly...? If I asked him to quit it for me, I'm not entirely convinced he would.

thecapitalunited it would seem they are classed as cash advances. Each individual transaction has been hit with a cash advance charge. Can't wait for the interest to hit Hmm

Sorry for the extreeemely long post. I appreciate all of your honesty Smile

OP posts: