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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Gambling - £550 on MY credit card

199 replies

honeysuckleclimber · 27/04/2015 13:51

I've just logged onto my credit card and find just over £550 has been paid out to a well known gambling website. A well known gambling website that DP prefers to use. Coincidence I think not... Hmm what makes it more shocking as this has all been added on since 22nd April, and £450 of it was two days worth Shock

I am literally lost for words. I know DP likes a gamble but he'd told me he'd cut down, and I never had any idea it was at this sort of level. Ever. Stealing from my credit card?! I don't know what to do. sorry for rrambling, I am a bit blindsided Blush

OP posts:
grins · 27/04/2015 18:19

I echo the fact you're not irrational. If your are in a functioning relationship, that implies a commitment to a shared future. If your DP does something that fouls up that shared future, it is not surprising you are cross about it.

I'm not as quick on the draw as some of the others on the dump him front, but you certainly need to work out whether there is a path forward with this man, recognise it will be tough and decide whether you want to take it, and take the risk it fails.

Best of luck with it all

magoria · 27/04/2015 18:24

How can you ever trust him?

You have separate finances yet he still decided he had the right to take money out on your cards without your permission.

Does he have your details? How did he do that?

Change all of your bank log in and card details before you talk to him. Do not ever let him have any of your details.

mysticpizza · 27/04/2015 18:41

Until he commits to stopping he will lie to you and manipulate you and no, he won't quit it for you. Some (not many) see the light and manage to stop before they've done too much damage. Others only quit when they've got themselves into so much shit they don't know where to turn. Some never quit at all and a proportion of these end up homeless or in prison.

Dh gambled himself into the most hideous mess. He's stopped now and we're still together but a gambling addiction can only ever be arrested never cured. We have stringent measures in place so even if he's tempted he can't access the means to gamble. Think carefully about whether you can live like that permanently.

TeaForTara · 27/04/2015 18:49

I heard a story on the radio this morning about a man whose family were unaware of the extent of his gambling addiction until they got a call telling them that he was on his way to prison having been convicted of stealing from his employer.

I suggest that you make plans for alternative accommodation as it is unfortunately quite likely that his debts will result in him losing his.

eddielizzard · 27/04/2015 18:58

my sympathies. you do sound like you have things in hand. if it were me, the trust would be broken. he's effectively stolen from you. i would be looking for somewhere else to live asap.

WhoNickedMyName · 27/04/2015 19:00

It really won't seem it right now, but this is actually a good thing that's happened.

You're not financially linked to this tosser. You aren't married to him, you don't have children with him.

You've discovered he has a serious gambling addiction, so serious that he will steal from you, before you've tied yourself to him either financially, or by having children with him.

If you choose to still go ahead and marry and have children with him, then own your choice. You will be going in with eyes wide open, you know what you're letting yourself in for.

Dodged a bullet there love, you really have Flowers.

Hidingmyidentity · 27/04/2015 19:08

You haven't said you have cancelled the card, apologies if I have missed it, you really must do this immediately. Your card details will be stored on the gambling site & there will be nothing to stop him doing it again. Before you know it your card will be maxed out as well.

oddfodd · 27/04/2015 19:18

Wow. There's no future for you with this man. He's addicted and he's maxed out all his cards. If he earns a high salary, chances are he's probably in tens of thousands of debt.

I can't think of anything he could say that would possibly make this alright

QuintShhhhhh · 27/04/2015 19:28

He could potentially have a very high credit limit.
How many cards does he have?

ImperialBlether · 27/04/2015 19:50

He's taken cash out on your credit card? I'm sorry, but I've heard that will affect your credit rating.

geekymommy · 27/04/2015 19:54

People have gambled away large salaries when they're addicted to gambling. People have gambled away lottery wins this way. I'm not a gambling addict, but as I understand it, no amount is ever too much to lose for a gambling addict.

You need for him to not have any of your bank or credit card information. Last week would be a good time to do this.

it would seem they are classed as cash advances. Each individual transaction has been hit with a cash advance charge. Can't wait for the interest to hit

Oy.

YellowTulips · 27/04/2015 19:59

As above cancelling your card needs to be number 1 task.

Number 2 is to LTB and find someone who isn't a thieving liar.

Then you need to decide if you report him to the police for theft.

Original poster
honeysuckleclimber · 27/04/2015 20:11

Sorry I should have said. I've cancelled the card in question, and I'm cancelling my others just in case..

I've spoken to him. I'm quite surprised by his reaction, he genuinely seemed to think it was no big deal. He actually laughed like it was a huge joke. He's planning on putting it back apparently So it doesn't matter... Refused to answer any direct questions about the issue.

The only silver lining in all of this, as some of you have mentioned is that this has come to light before marriage and children were involved.

Unfortunately it looks like I need to rethink my situation, if he won't even be decent enough to be honest and upfront even after all of this, I don't see how we can have a future. I refuse to spend my life treading on eggshells worried whether financial ruin is just around the corner. I must admit, I feel very calm about it, I'm sure it's the shock and upset is just around the corner.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 27/04/2015 20:18

He laughed???

Did he explain why he'd used your card and not his own?

Is he planning to pay it back out of future (dead cert) winnings?

How did he get hold of your card? Did he take it from your purse?

YellowTulips · 27/04/2015 20:19

He laughed Shock

Well that says it all tbh.

Grading = Wanker (with distinction)

ImperialBlether · 27/04/2015 20:20

Btw, the fact he hasn't already repaid it means he lost those bets, doesn't it?

HermioneWeasley · 27/04/2015 20:26

Run! Get out now while you have no ties and it's only cost you £550 (plus interest)

magoria · 27/04/2015 20:29

He took out credit against your card without your permission and laughed about it!

Get your money back and get the hell out of there.

He thinks this is a joke.

geekymommy · 27/04/2015 20:32

I've spoken to him. I'm quite surprised by his reaction, he genuinely seemed to think it was no big deal. He actually laughed like it was a huge joke. He's planning on putting it back apparently So it doesn't matter...

WTF? He can't even pretend to be sorry? He stole from you, and he doesn't understand why you are upset?

Check your credit report.

If you do stay with him, this is going to happen again. And again, for as long as you put up with it.

There's nothing wrong with you for being upset about having to give up your dream of having children with him. Dreams can be hard to give up.

magoria · 27/04/2015 20:37

Oh yes if you stay with him you do so in the full knowledge that this £550 is the very thin edge of the wedge.

He is in a well paid job. Takes your share of the bills some months and doesn't cover the bills.

His cards/overdraft etc must be maxed out for him to just take from you.

There is going to be a MASSIVE debt somewhere.

Original poster
honeysuckleclimber · 27/04/2015 20:39

imperial I have no idea about the answer to any of your questions. He refused to say. I feel like I have a right to know. We'll see, if I can prise any more information out of him.

But yes, he laughed. I genuinely expected an apology and explanation. Silly me hey! It's a shame as we really have a great relationship in all other ways, but I feel like this is too big to let slide. And if I did let it go, it will only get worse as he'll know I'm clearly a mug!

OP posts:
Original poster
honeysuckleclimber · 27/04/2015 20:41

The thing I am worried about, is people are going to ask what happened between us. I feel embarrassed already for being such a fool and I haven't even told anybody in RL. Blush

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 27/04/2015 20:43

I would check your credit report - and all your financial matters - with a fine tooth comb, OP.

I'm so very sorry because I know broadly what it's like and it's quite horribly unsettling. Have you somewhere else to go to? I'd be moving out directly if I were you - after all you sadly have no guarantee from day to day that the house you're living in isn't under threat for some reason. You need to have your affairs definitely under your own control.

AnyFucker · 27/04/2015 20:44

do not have children with this man

CtrlAltDelicious · 27/04/2015 20:45

Tell him you're phoning the police. See if that wipes the smirk off his lying, thieving face.
What an awful specimen. Oh and do actually call the police.