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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Gambling - £550 on MY credit card

199 replies

honeysuckleclimber · 27/04/2015 13:51

I've just logged onto my credit card and find just over £550 has been paid out to a well known gambling website. A well known gambling website that DP prefers to use. Coincidence I think not... Hmm what makes it more shocking as this has all been added on since 22nd April, and £450 of it was two days worth Shock

I am literally lost for words. I know DP likes a gamble but he'd told me he'd cut down, and I never had any idea it was at this sort of level. Ever. Stealing from my credit card?! I don't know what to do. sorry for rrambling, I am a bit blindsided Blush

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 27/04/2015 22:06

Yes indeed - what £50? (I have tingling spidey senses here.)

Original poster
honeysuckleclimber · 27/04/2015 22:06

Oops a bit of cross posting there. I think my post actually answered some of the questions though. He won't download his credit report. Or tell me his average weekly spend on gambling. Or show me his credit card statements so I can see the full scale of the problem we'd be facing. Or answer any real question. I was prepared to have a conversation with him and decide together where we go from here, but if he won't admit anything or be honest with me then I have to make the decision myself I suppose. Possibly a bit of distance will make him see the full scale of his problem and the repercussions.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 27/04/2015 22:07

Those dogs don't sound a problem, retrievers and boxers are both quite safe breeds compared to whippets, huskys or terriers.

The cat would be the boss after a nose swipe.

If you report it to the police the cc company have to refund it, the financial ombudsman specifically state that you shouldn't have to conceal cards etc from family members. It's different if you say "here's my pin and card get me a magazine and something for you" but you haven't done that.

cozietoesie · 27/04/2015 22:08

PS - the retriever should be fine with the cat. I don't know about boxers but someone else might be well acquainted with the breed. Ask your Mum though - in case they have good or bad history with cats.

Original poster
honeysuckleclimber · 27/04/2015 22:13

Re the £50 - I've gone through my bank statements for the past couple of months with a fine tooth comb tonight and theres been £50 worth of transactions, all £5 or less to the gambling website. He knows I wouldn't notice the odd fiver here or there as he knows I skim my statements at best. So we have a current total of £600 give or take before interest Sad

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 27/04/2015 22:13

Won't....won't....won't...... Get out as soon as you can - and put a specific notice on your credit file (someone else will know the correct terminology) to say that extra identification will be needed before someone else can do something in your name. It may cost a few quid but is well worth it in such cases.

What is this £50 in small increments? (That can sometimes be a sign of imappropriate behaviour with an account which is why it makes me edgy.)

cozietoesie · 27/04/2015 22:14

So he's been into your cc and your bank account?

magoria · 27/04/2015 22:17

He is an addict.

He has no shame.

The same as with alcoholics.

You cannot help him.

Thank god is it only £600 or so you have lost (not that it is good). It could have been thousands!

Sorry your dreams have been ruined. There are good men out there.

sadwidow28 · 27/04/2015 22:19

I have just spoken to a friend who runs an animal sanctuary giving dogs and cats homes for life.

She said, "In general, dogs and cats get on well in spite of the myths. The cats tend to be the rulers, so the dogs mustn't be the ones to feel displaced. Take the introduction process slowly - but harmony can be achieved in about a week. It is a good idea to start with the bedroom because the cat will pick up the smell of dogs in the house (even though you and your Mum may not smell it). To introduce your cat the two dogs, use a cat travel cage and bring the cat down to lounge when you and Mum are watching TV. After a few days, the cat will just fall asleep and ignore the dogs, and the dogs will have got used to a cat being around. On about night 4, put your cat on your lap and allow 'sniffing' - and don't worry if the cat hisses - that is normal and part of what is necessary."

I think I managed to write it down exactly as she said.

Good luck!

geekymommy · 27/04/2015 22:20

He's not admitting anything or being honest with you. He may not be admitting anything or being honest with himself. I'd be shocked if he was ready to quit gambling now. The best possible explanation of this is that he's in denial. Here's a post about what it is like being married to a gambling addict in denial (resources may be US-centric, sorry about that).

BettyCatKitten · 27/04/2015 22:20

I think you need to inform your bank what has happened. It sounds like you need a new pin and pass word so he can't tap in again. Get out fast before he does any more damage to your finances, he clearly has a big problem. Its only a matter of time before he is financially ruined.

ImperialBlether · 27/04/2015 22:21

Fucking hell. So he's been in both accounts.

Have you ever noticed any money missing? Jewellery?

OP, anyone who needs to steal a fiver for gambling is absolutely stony broke and I would say is in serious debt, too.

The sooner you get away from this man, the better.

sadwidow28 · 27/04/2015 22:22

Oops x-posted with fluffycloud who confirms what my friend said. Those breeds are okay with cats - and the cat will be the boss Grin

oddfodd · 27/04/2015 22:27

God I'm so sorry. This is such a terrible abuse of your trust :(

I'd look a lot further back if I were you honeysuckle. I wouldn't be surprised if the 'odd fiver' has been going missing for months and months from your account.

Do you have any other accounts/cards?

geekymommy · 27/04/2015 22:29

Banks and credit card companies here in the US have dealt with this kind of thing before. I would be shocked if banks and credit card companies in the UK haven't. Tell your bank and your credit card company what happened. They might be able to help.

cozietoesie · 27/04/2015 22:32

BettyCat

There are a goodly number of sites where you can get in and pay using a cc for amounts below a certain level with only the 4 digit 'security number' on the back as a reference to prove that you have the physical card. (I think with my online shopping for example it's amounts of under £200 which go through unchallenged by the meaty verification process which involves a PIN etc.)

The OP might only need to go for a bath and leave her handbag lying around to have her card compromised with some of these sites.

If he does know PINs, I suspect it will be a cold day in hell before she gives them to anyone again.

cozietoesie · 27/04/2015 22:41

honeysuckle

You're involved with an addict. Remember the 3 'C's.

You didn't cause this
You can't control this
You can't cure this.

You could always steer him to Gamblers Anonymous but if you do so, I would suggest you do so on your way out of the door. I can't see that this complete breach of trust - and the relationship - is recoverable now.

ImperialBlether · 27/04/2015 22:42

She doesn't need to leave the room. He'll know those numbers off by heart or have them on his phone. He could be sitting next to her and using her cards on his phone.

OP, do you do online banking? If so, go on there and go back as far as the date you first met him. Look at money transferred to his account.

The fact he's directly paying a betting site with your card says to me that he's become reckless. He could have transferred it to his own account and told you he needed something small, but to allow you to see that site name on your bank statement means he couldn't give a damn now.

RandomMess · 27/04/2015 22:42

I would be concerned about him taking out further cards/loans in your name fraudulently. How can someone stop this being done?

SIL went through this with her ex, lost them their house, bloody horrific.

BettyCatKitten · 27/04/2015 22:48

cozie I didn't know that Blush

cozietoesie · 27/04/2015 22:48

True, Imperial. I was mentally adding in 'guilt' time for him but I guess that's probably not needed at this stage.

Random

Putting that qualification on your credit file that I mentioned should do it. (Any company looking to open a new cc account for someone would definitely look there. Give me 5 to find out what it's actually called.)

cozietoesie · 27/04/2015 22:53

They seem to be called CIFAS warnings. Here's a link to the CIFAS site, honeysuckle.

cozietoesie · 27/04/2015 22:57

My apologies - it's £20 a year for a CIFAS Protective Registration which is a bit more than I thought. Your call, OP.

tribpot · 27/04/2015 23:01

You really need to batten down the hatches - replace all of your cards, all the PINs, all passwords for internet banking. Once he realises his line of credit is about to walk out the door he may become even more reckless.

I honestly can't take in the fact that he laughed when you confronted him. He has been stealing from you.

ImperialBlether · 27/04/2015 23:03

Yes, I agree - I could understand him crying, but laughing?

You realise of course that any repayment will be from his winnings - he will need money in order to bet and win, so you have to get everything stopped immediately. God almighty, it's a nightmare.

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