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Original poster

Gambling - £550 on MY credit card

199 replies

honeysuckleclimber · 27/04/2015 13:51

I've just logged onto my credit card and find just over £550 has been paid out to a well known gambling website. A well known gambling website that DP prefers to use. Coincidence I think not... what makes it more shocking as this has all been added on since 22nd April, and £450 of it was two days worth

I am literally lost for words. I know DP likes a gamble but he'd told me he'd cut down, and I never had any idea it was at this sort of level. Ever. Stealing from my credit card?! I don't know what to do. sorry for rrambling, I am a bit blindsided

OP posts:

DinosaursRoar · 28/04/2015 20:59

Great you got out, you aren't to be embarrassed that you're back at your mums. I really hope when my DCs grow up they know how ever old they are, if they need it, there's always a bed for them.

This is a tempory set back. In 10 years time (possibly a mother) you'll look back at this and be so glad you didn't tie yourself to this man.

QuintShhhhhh · 28/04/2015 21:01

I think you should report him for fraud....

AyeAmarok · 28/04/2015 21:05

What a lying, scheming little Fucker.

You know it's a lost cause when he doesn't even give a shit that he's been caught.

Glad you've got your cat with you

DinosaursRoar · 28/04/2015 21:08

Also, in the grand scheme of things, £600 is getting away lightly, imagine if you'd married him, it could cost you a lot more than that go get a divorce sorted.

You've had a lucky escape.

mousmous · 28/04/2015 21:24

agree with all of you saying to report to police.
that way you can get at least the amount back that was taken from the credit card.

tipsytrifle · 28/04/2015 21:35

Since you will have to inform the bank of your change of address perhaps that would be the time to mention that your cards have been used fraudulently, which is why you have changed address. I think you probably have to do this to get his access totally shut down and to get repaid from them. Whether the bank advise police or not, I don't know. Ask them first?

As a by the by I find that the wood pellet litter absorbs smelly stuff way better and faster than other stuff. Given that, presumably, cat will be living in your bedroom, or at least regarding that room as sanctuary. And you have to be in there too. Sorry, sometimes I'm overly practical, other times less than adequate!

Hidingmyidentity · 28/04/2015 21:48

There will be no refunds from the credit card company unless the fraudulent use has been reported to the police & a crime reference number given. It is up to the card holder to report it.

tipsytrifle · 28/04/2015 21:52

In the past I have reported fraud on my card (via the net) directly to the bank who do their own liaising with police. Once they contacted me to check a transaction that was false. Maybe this case is different though, since the criminal is actually known as opposed to anonymous shitperson mugging the net?

tipsytrifle · 28/04/2015 21:54

On reflection I do agree that going to the police is the best thing to do in this case. It kind of covers everything, doesn't it?

cozietoesie · 28/04/2015 22:27

I think that perhaps it depends on the card issuer - for what you were talking about, tipsy. I have one that's bank-issued and one that's with a cc company so their procedures may be different. Going to the police covers all eventualities as you suggested.

SorryToDisturbYou · 28/04/2015 22:38

"he didn't even seem the slightest bit concerned when I walked out with my bags."

I'm sorry, this must be tough on you. Look after yourself for a bit, yeah?

glidingpig · 28/04/2015 23:19

Look this guy could be a completely morally defunct person

But that's not the point, FamilyGuy. The point is that a person who isn't completely morally defunct can still do shitty things and be a shitty partner. You can't earn the right to a relationship just by meaning well. OP is not some sort of reward that can only be taken away if this man commits a specific magnitude of fuck-up. She is a person who deserves to be able to trust her partner. Now she can't. For many people that would be an automatic dealbreaker, and it doesn't really matter whether the guy's a total moustache-twirling villain or just a bit weak.

OP, I'm glad you and your cat have got a refuge with your mum - hope you're getting looked after, and so sorry about how it's turned out. At best he's so deep in denial he can't see reality. :( Nicking £600 off you and he's acting like he just borrowed a quid out of your purse to buy milk...

Clutterbugsmum · 29/04/2015 07:32

Still no sign of the repayment. He won't commit to a day, it's just 'soon'. I really hope I do get it back but until I have the cold hard cash, I'll not be holding out too much hope right now I would assume that you are not going to get it, as it is the end of the and most people will be being paid.

mousmous · 29/04/2015 07:47

you have a chance of seeing some of the money back. but that is the unfriendly route of involving police and the bank's fraud team.

nauticant · 29/04/2015 08:31

Apart from making sure you don't get back together with this bloke OP one thing you could do is get a message exchange going where you can save the messages, say text or email, and get into the exchange that he used your credit card and bank account to take £XXX without your permission. If something then happens to make you realise you want to go to the police you'll have some evidence to hand.

ultrathule · 29/04/2015 08:51

His reaction to the money and to you leaving shows that he is deep in the grip of the addiction. Everything else is secondary to that. He is miles away from even taking the first step towards beginning to begin to recover. So sorry. You are doing absolutely the correct thing. Please take steps to try to recover the money, both for yourself, and for him. Letting him get away with it will only embed the addiction further.
Good luck for the future, and remember that it isn't anything to do with you, as much as it might hurt.

ImperialBlether · 29/04/2015 10:32

I would mentally write off that money, OP. I imagine there are a lot of people besides you who need to be paid. If he's taking £5 from your account it's because he doesn't have access to £5 elsewhere. I would imagine he's behind on his rent/mortgage, owes on electricity, gas, water and council tax etc.

He says he's going to pay you soon and 'soon' is when the big win is going to occur. Now he has no money for that, so bills definitely won't be paid. Oh they will be paid once the big win has been won, but not before.

I wouldn't tell him that the debt's written off, but I wouldn't expect to see it again. I'm sorry, but you got away from a gambler quite lightly.

SylvaniansAtEase · 29/04/2015 10:37

Do you know, I would say that the best thing you could do for this guy would be to go to the police.

He didn't bat an eyelid at you walking out? He's in serious denial. Probably laughing to himself thinking how you'll be racing back to him, arms outstretched, begging for forgiveness when he makes the big win and puts £3k in your account.

He's in deep trouble and can't see it. He earns well? Not for much longer if this is where he is, it's only a matter of time before he's going to apply the attitude he has to his relationship to his employers - that he can help himself and it'll all work out in the end.

Shop him for fraud. You'll get your cash back and he'll get the biggest shock of his life. It'll also make it harder for him to get into jobs in the future which involve handling money, which would be a blessing, as he'll never really be 'ok' with that.

Go to the police and be thankful that you found this out at only 28.

ImperialBlether · 29/04/2015 10:42

I agree with you, Sylvanian. She needs to help him reach rock bottom and the best way to do this is to get the police involved, before he loses everything else.

mysticpizza · 29/04/2015 11:09

Familyguy - you are right about the cynical targeting of gambling advertising although young people aren't the only demographic the industry is targeting. They don't really care who they get their hooks into.

I'm not sure about degrees of gambling addiction. That makes at least some of the problem sound static and controllable. It's more of a progressive issue although I suppose the nature of that means it will manifest as the ability to walk away at least for for a while.

I deplore the whole industry and particularly those who deregulated it and unleashed the monstrous plague of bookies and their high stakes fruit machines on the high street. The cost in social misery is immense and growing and the government won't do anything about it because their own snouts are too deep in the trough.

cozietoesie · 29/04/2015 11:11

I'd agree with that. If he's gripped with an addiction - maybe even more than one if my feelings are right - then a complaint on something personal like this might seem to him to be rock bottom but could allow him to keep his job and seek help if the addiction might be about to cause problems there. (Now that the OP has left.)

And the OP stands a better chance of getting her money back.

honeysuckle

Once you've made a complaint, though, I'd just let it take its course but mentally write the money off. (If you get anything back, fine, if not, so be it.) The relationship is over and you could have got out quite lightly in financial terms.

zipzap · 29/04/2015 14:02

Does he know that you are at least considering reporting this as theft to the police and credit card company? What was his reaction to that, if you have told him?

I suspect that he is trying to laugh everything off to minimise the problem and also as an 'attack is the best form of defense' mechanism, to try to get you to treat it in the same way as he has and not see it as a big deal or indeed as any deal at all.

I think that only by reporting him will he realise what he has done is actually very serious and that he's seriously screwed his life up with this gambling.

I'd also get him to commit to when he is going to pay you back - for example, on the day his pay goes into his bank account. And if he tries to laugh it off - well not only does that prove that he is up to his eyeballs in debt and in serious trouble if he can't give you that much on the day he gets pay but it again shows how little he thinks of you and how little insight he has into his problem.

I think you also need to decide if he pays you back before a certain time if you want to go to the police etc or if you are just going to report anyway.

YellowTulips · 29/04/2015 18:39

Consider it the best 600 pounds you have ever not spent.

Walk away and keep walking.

You won't see it back but you are free from what would have been a terrible situation - and that's worth every penny.

So many threads of people finding out their OH is tens of thousands in debt. The family home lost. Worst still as they are married they are jointly liable and spend decades paying this stuff off.

Believe it or not you are very very lucky.

geekymommy · 30/04/2015 17:32

Familyguy- let's assume you're right about gambling addiction being on a spectrum. Either "using a loved one's credit card without permission for 550 pounds, and then laughing at them and showing no remorse when confronted" is somewhere toward the bad end of that spectrum, or I don't think we want to know what is.

Are there compulsive gamblers who have done worse things than this? I'm sure there are. But it's not as if only the one person whose partner is the worst compulsive gambler in the entire world is justified in leaving because of it. Nobody has the right to not have their partner break up with them just because they're not a horrible person. You can't argue here about the sanctity of marriage, because they're not married.

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