HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on...part 5.

[WellWhoKnew]

If you are struggling to come to terms with the ending of your marriage, no matter how that came about, nor how long it's been, this is the place where you come to say SHIT THIS IS HARD, when you hit those times of despair.

It is the place where it is never rude to interrupt if you're having a bad day and need to vent. No matter what.

It is a place where no one will tell you to 'move on', 'get over it', or 'at least you've got...'

It is the place where the only thing anyone will tell you to do is keep on keeping on.

Amongst the shit, there are always giggles. But the only rule is: It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles. No apology necessary.

The bar, owned by Hobbit, but run by committee, is open to all as we wind our way through divorce, come to terms with our individual circumstances, or just cope with adjusting to a new life.

My name is WellWhoKnew. I am divorced. He left me just over 11 months ago. I am trying to rebuild my life by leaving the deadwood behind. I'm learning to laugh again. One day, I will 'move on', 'get over it' and be thankful that I've got what I've got. Until then, if I want to bloody moan about shit, I won't be apologising.

Because I did way too much of that during my marriage. The shit left. I'm learning to giggle again. KOKO.

Part 4

Part 3

part 2

Part 1

Our theme tune:

fairy I cant fathom it at all, my OH left me on Tuesday night, as you know, I get up in the morning like I want to curl up and die, by 11 I'm numb, by 1 I've replied to the calls and texts, by 3 I have to get my shit together and think what the fuck am I going to do about the kids dinner, by 5 I'm thinking I've done all the practical mum stuff, now I can sit in the bathroom and cry for an hour, between 9 and 10 is bed time for 10 and 13 year olds and 18 year old who is more than devastated has text to say he is going to be late late? My life is fucked from here on in, spent all day crying, got eyelids so swollen it's ridiculous, my daughter who is 10 is an amazing gymnast, really really fab, is now saying she wants to give up!! I told her there's no reason why she needs too because we both support her etc etc.. This is all because of us isn't it!!! She trains so hard and has always loved it, it's been her love since she was 5, she's so good she trains 14 hours a week, just so fucked off tonight really really fucked off, I said to my mum I couldn't believe how brave they had all been but it's all happening now in there own little way, hope he's happy on the sofa at his mums, she'll drive him fucking mental she always has done before
Ps/ had a little vino myself on an empty tummy, stupid but makes me feel brave for the next hour :)

ali if all you did was tell her how it is, then I think you did right. DD needs it explaining that you are on benefits, you are poorly but doing your best and he is the high earner. Therefore he should be paying the bills/ hay etc. Just try and do it calmy. She might have a go at you but you should only take so much from her. You are the one in the house and you are the one who will always be there for her.

Frizzy I imagine that, same as you, your daughter just doesn't have any enthusiasm for anything, as things are so new and raw. Give her time and see how it goes. She may want a bit of a break from it, or the familiarity of it and the enjoyment will help her to realise that not everything in her life will change. I read that in the event of a split, younger children want to know how it specifically affects them. And it can be things we don't even think of that can bother them eg will the dog still live with us, who will take me to school, can it still have those new curtains for my bedroom.

It may not feel much of a comfort to you now, but your daughter is acknowledging the situation. She is dealing with her feelings by not wanting to do gym right now. And the fact that she is starting to process things, it's a lot healthier than bottling it all up and ignoring it. Try to encourage her to ask questions about what is important to her. Let her see you cry. Then she knows it's ok for her to do so. And let her school know. It's likely they can access counselling if necessary.

And your eldest, he's dealing with things his way too.

It's very early days, for all of you. You will all pull together. Give it time. Yes, time really does help.

Oh Frizzy it's an utterly shit time for you atm. DD will be feeling your pain and perhaps feels guilty about enjoying her gymnastics. Try to summon up as much enthusiasm as you can for her (then go and crumple into a heap privately). It's tough enough holding it together for yourself, never mind the DC.

Wine is good - in moderation on an empty stomach. Try to eat something small and carby if you can - cheese sandwich? I find soft food easiest - bread, soup, ice cream etc

Frizzy a little drink to help you through is a world away from the drying out clinic. Personally I think I single handedly kept The cigarette industry in clover over the last 5.5 months. Well, I'm keeping plenty in a job

Thread nearly full. Is it time to decamp, WWK*?

Wise I'm a cat person too! And Jess hates me - although she is one adorable looking dog. Lovely 'owner' too - although Jess is more cat-like in that respect...Hobbit is merely staff.

Don't worry about being flippant - on this thread at any given moment someone is having a meltdown, and two or three people aren't. The only rule is to support the person having a meltdown, but not apologise for KOKOing because that's how divorce is - a total rollercoaster. Your next dip (because you will have one, as will I, as will the next poster) will coincide with others having a blast.

Braving excellent move. The less you know, the easier it is.

Me re hoovering. It sounds awful (been there many years ago...). The only thing that springs to mind is the MN 'rule' of don't engage. As hard as that is, and it is, after all: you're a decent person, you wouldn't want to be treated like that yourself, but the rules are different for emotional abusers. So we have to be different in this situation. It doesn't make you a bad person. It just means you're looking after yourself. You need to.

Right, I'll start the next thread. But I'm decree-ing after that, someone else has to be proprietor because I really like the idea of 'revolving' hats. So start throwing hats into the ring - or else I will point my boney little finger and say 'it's YOU...'.

If I really have to, I will do number 7. Cos I like the number 7.

izzie what's a 7 :) hoping its related to knob chopping with spoons or any other blunt instrument, Jesus you can tell I've had wine and no food, been wailing all day

Frizzy I think rather boringly that Izzie is referring to the next thread after this which will be number 7. The lovely ladies over on the conception boards are on thread 40 something! They got criticised over in chat the other day because their thread titles are rude and full of in jokes, which really annoyed me. The support people get in threads like ours and theirs are invaluable and to get criticism because some people didn't like their jokes is totally out of order. Thankfully they got a lot of support and the OP slinked off rather quickly.

Anyway sorry for massive derailment, as I appear to be buying the drinks tonight can I have double Izzietinis all round please with lots of crisps and chocolate and water for Izzie please.

Oh bloody hell - I've just spent ages looking for Hobbit's bullet points thinking that's what Frizzy was asking!!! because we share our in jokes
I'm sure someone added a no & somewhere but can't find it!

Anyway, here they are - including the infamous no 6:

1. They have no compassion or empathy whatsoever.
2. They will never admit any blame for their actions.
3. There is nothing we could have done to prevent what they did.
4. It will always be our 'fault'.
5. No forensic analysis of their behaviour will explain or excuse it.
6. They are complete cunts.

Bobs! That made me laugh sorry

This is by far my favourite bar except I'm really sorry that my internet and mumsnet stupid head,mumsnet found miraculously.... But I don't really understand the starting new threads thing but I'm sure given time and alcohol I'll be game to do whatever.
Thank you everyone who is helping me. I was ok but had my DD meltdown. Dhead hasn't brought her home yet but it also turns out she's been hacking into all my messages with friends ( I think ) and a msg I sent to Dhead earlier... Well she replied, so not very happy but hoping and Praying that a judge thinks a Mum telling her child off for disrespecting and not looking after their horse properly ( fucking horse and I'm skint and he's not paying bills to keep it on for her ) well I hope that judge wouldn't take her off me because I'm trying to teach her respect and manners.
Frizzy just a thought as I didn't eat at the start, I couldn't face solids so froze bananas and then blitzed them up with milk and touch of vanilla paste, just so my metabolism didn't slow down ( I'm overweight as it is but at least that's one good thing the fucker did for me as I've lost weight too )
Bit of a manic message but head just majorly melted until DD gets sorted.

He he, I completely nailed it didn't i? Go me,

Hello peeps, back from earning a crust, i fucking hate working me, wish I could find a rich octogenarian to,take me away from all this< work that is>

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2362834-HOBBITS-BAR-still-finding-it-hard-to-move-on-part-6

'tis all prepped and ready to go!

Go! Go!! Go!!!

Exclamations welcome!

number 6 is good for now,

Aha bobs.... No. 6 every time. And to think before this I never had anyone I hated enough to call a cunt ... How things change

Aww well done WWK . just feel we have to fill this one up first - wondering where MrsC is who managed to fill in that last post on one of the threads before the link to the new thread was posted!!! We found it anyway

Come on guys, say something inane so we can all join on No 7...

Ok, I'll fill it up...

BF & FF

Slag & Weasel

Sid & ....ummmm ??? not sure if there's a Mrs Sid but doesn't Izzie want to be?

Good intro, WWK, have you thought about taking up writing professionally? Tee HEE !

All No 6s