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Original poster

Dh said I'm fat

244 replies

runlikeagirl · 02/04/2015 22:12

I suggested some chocolate (might have suggested cracking open and Easter egg). He said no and then added "you can't keep complaining of being fat and then eat chocolate. You'll always be fat if you carry on like that"

I pulled a Hmm face. He carried on "well, am I supposed to pretend you haven't put on weight, you have"

I have put on a little weight as I've been injured and not running and there is possibly some issues with my thyroid. I'm 5lbs over my upper bmi weight, 5'6" and a size 14.

Im really hurt, be he seems to think he is only stating fact.

OP posts:
MargotLovedTom · 02/04/2015 22:15

Have you been complaining about feeling fat?

ihatethecold · 02/04/2015 22:15

If you keep complaining about putting weight on then he's probably got his lead from you.

Original poster
runlikeagirl · 02/04/2015 22:15

Probably. Not loads I don't think.

OP posts:
Original poster
runlikeagirl · 02/04/2015 22:17

But he also knows that I have been trying and found it almost impossible to shift any weight. And I feel shit about it

OP posts:
spicyalmonds · 02/04/2015 22:19

I've put on 2 stone since we got married and it annoys me when he says I haven't. Because clearly I have. I tell him I want him to be honest and 'state fact', I believe it's your loved ones duty to state these facts to you because sometimes just looking at the mirror doesn't suffice. And believe me people who do not love you wont tell you these things.

liveloveluggage · 02/04/2015 22:19

Tell him where to go, who made him the flipping food police!

BCBG · 02/04/2015 22:19

FGS he's a bloke, and he said it. It doesn't mean LTB, nor that there is anything wrong with your relationship. Truth hurts, but in a good couple it shouldn't be a problem. Eat the egg, enjoy the egg, and then decide to cut back a little and shed a few pounds if thats what you want. really don't see that its that big a deal tbh Confused

QueenBean · 02/04/2015 22:22

You've said that you are, he's playing it back to you

It's hard when you say something bad about yourself and then someone else agrees!

It's not relationship breaking stuff though OP, he's a bit insensitive but don't give him a hard time about it

FatherHenderson · 02/04/2015 22:22

He was tactless, and an arse.

You don't sound too fat! But I'm with you in getting a bit chubby. Enjoy Easter, then aim to lose some weight before summer.

GraysAnalogy · 02/04/2015 22:23

It is hurtful but if you've been complaining about it he's just stating the truth isn't he. I've done it with DP, he'll go on about his belly then want a tube full of pringles so I'll say something like 'you've been whinging about that belly!'

liveloveluggage · 02/04/2015 22:24

Him I would say to most women being told you look fat means, you look ugly. There's a nicer way of saying it isn't there? I think we should stick with the healthy eating for now and save Chocs for the weekend or something.

MargotLovedTom · 02/04/2015 22:25

Does 'trying' include eating chocolate then? Wink

Sorry, I'm not being deliberately mean. I just think some people (and IME it tends to be men) are much more matter of fact about what we might think are sensitive issues. In his mind, you're unhappy with your weight so why eat chocolate?

Years ago I moaned to my ex about feeling fat, and his response was "Do something about it then!". I needed to hear that. Too many people respond with "Oh there's nothing wrong with you, you're fine," which can be enabling the problem, for want of a better word.

BitOfFun · 02/04/2015 22:28

It stings, but if he was totally unsupportive of your attempts to lose weight and undermining you by constantly waving chocolate at you, that would be worse. Do your best to shrug it off: I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

Unless he's always critical and unkind? Is he?

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 02/04/2015 22:31

Well. If you were evil...

(Note I'm assuming here that you do all the shopping and cooking. I apologise for my sexist assumption if this is not the case.)

Next week, I'd have an entirely vegan menu, with massively reduced portion sizes. If queried, I'd say that you were worried about how much weight you've put on, as Dh so kindly pointed out, and were looking to lose it.

Carry on said menu until he begs for mercy and promises never to mention your weight again. Works for me!

CalleighDoodle · 02/04/2015 22:35

If you've comolained the extra wright isnt shifting, eating a chocolate egg isnt going to help. Men (stereotypically) state facts. Eating the egg is obviously not going to help your weight issue. Women (stereotypically) respond with emotion ^ for examples!

If youre unhappy with the extra weight, lose it.

Original poster
runlikeagirl · 02/04/2015 22:40

Yeah ok. I have tried. I have been fasting, reducing and running. But I'm injured a d despite fasting 5:2 for weeks I lost 1lb. I'm waiting for a follow up blood test to check thyroid levels.

He doesn't help usually. He buys biscuits, cakes and sweets. He easily eats a whole packet of biscuits. Anyway, yes you are right chocolate won't help. I was suggesting sharing a small one. I've had very little sleep and a long stressful term at work.

I'll stop and shut up

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 02/04/2015 22:43

I'm sorry you're feeling crap, I really am. Perhaps it's a good idea to tell him that he hurt your feelings, and that if he thinks he was being "helpful", then he needs to stop bringing all the calorific snacks home.

SelfLoathing · 02/04/2015 23:49

But I'm injured a d despite fasting 5:2 for weeks I lost 1lb.

If you have been fasting 2 days out of 5 and have only lost 1lb in "weeks" then you must be:

  1. Eating a massive amount on the 5 days or
  2. Eating more than you think on the fasting days.

It just isn't possible to only lose 1lb in weeks if you are fasting 2 days.

My guess is that you are consuming more than you think. Try writing down everything you eat and drink and then see.

CactusAnnie · 03/04/2015 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gralick · 03/04/2015 01:07

Shock Good grief, people, this isn't an "am I fat" thread!

Poor OP felt her husband put her down. You lot then piled in to put her down some more. Don't "stop and shut up", run, this is your thread and you can ask for whichever support you'd like. What sort of support would you like, as it goes?

Glad you're getting your thyroid checked. Low thyroid certainly does make it incredibly hard to lose weight, and makes you feel depressed as well. Of course, stopping exercise can do both those things to you, too, though usually a bit less drastically. I hope you're soon on the mend :)

Nowt wrong with a bit of chocolate! It's a lot of chocolate that does the damage. As you know.

I like Boulevard's Passive Aggressive Diet Plan Grin I'd be killing anyone who got in my way after a few days of that, but it sounds good if you can stand it!

HelenaDove · 03/04/2015 01:19

YY Gralick Totally agree Im especially loving the assertion that its impossible to only lose 1 pound while sticking to a diet Ive been on SW for 18 months and have lost half a pound to a pound each fortnight sometimes despite STICKING TO IT. It means though that ive lost 3 and a half stone in that time and it also means ive lost solid fat not water!

Its been a struggle but ive tried to be patient and just keep going. The trouble is that
a. most ppl arent patient enough and want results yesterday.
b. brainwashing by celebrity mags that treat women like carbon copies of each other (Natasha Walter is brilliant on this in Living Dolls though ive only read snippets of it I keep meaning to buy it) We are NOT all the same Each of us has individual metabolisms and systems.

Totally Gralick. MN not at its best!

Luxme · 03/04/2015 01:22

I would say "at least I can go on a diet whereas you'll always be a prick"

Shirleycantbe · 03/04/2015 01:40

I have to admit I say exactly the same sort of thing to my husband - it frustrates me that he will moan about having gained weight, not fitting into clothes etc and then sabotage himself by eating stuff he shouldn't....I can't bring myself to enable eating that I know he will regret

HellBoundNothingFound · 03/04/2015 01:45

Ha

I do 5:2 and weight watchers...I lose a 1 lb a week. If people actually did their research they'd be more informed about the whole 'eat less, move more' bullshit.

5 lbs is fuck all. Have the chocolate and tell your DH to shove it

SelfLoathing · 03/04/2015 02:04

I do 5:2 and weight watchers...I lose a 1 lb a week

OP said she'd been doing it for WEEKS plural and had only lost 1lb.
1 - 2 lbs a week is reasonable. 1lb in weeks is not and means there is something wrong with the eating plan.

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