Dh said I'm fat

[runlikeagirl]

I suggested some chocolate (might have suggested cracking open and Easter egg). He said no and then added "you can't keep complaining of being fat and then eat chocolate. You'll always be fat if you carry on like that"

I pulled a face. He carried on "well, am I supposed to pretend you haven't put on weight, you have"

I have put on a little weight as I've been injured and not running and there is possibly some issues with my thyroid. I'm 5lbs over my upper bmi weight, 5'6" and a size 14.

Im really hurt, be he seems to think he is only stating fact.

Thing is, if someone is over the weight you want to be, and finding that weight difficult to shift, it doesn't matter how "reasonable" their DP is being in pointing that out. their DP is still being an arse.

Nobody ever got thin as a result of their partner policing what they ate and telling them they are fat. If that were the case there would be no fat people. That's not how weight loss - and motivation for weight loss - works.

My DH started to police what I ate, because he didn't like the baby weight I had kept on long after the baby - he felt he hadn't signed up to be the partner of a chubby person. As a pretty direct result he is no longer my DH, and I am much happier.

The dried fruit vs fresh fruit arugment always annoys me - fruit does not gain additional sugar by the process of drying it, it just removes the water so the % of it that's sugar is higher, it contains the same amount as it did before (there is an argument that you might eat more of a dried fruit than fresh, but that's a different thing than trying to say 1 dried apricot has more sugar or is higher in calories then 1 fresh apricot - both are around 17 cals).

Dried fruit is a more convienent thing to buy and store/carry around than fresh fruit for people like the OP who have busy jobs/lives.

OP - it is hard when someone 'talks a good diet' to listen.

I don't get this obsession with fruit TBH.
Fruit is high in sugar -grapes for example are high in sugar.

MW you are right BUT someone is more likely to eat 6 dried apricots and not 6 whole ones. Ditto 6 prunes and not 6 fresh plums. This is because the water content of fresh is not there so the dried fruit is not to as filling.

I still come back to the point that nobody needs to snack.
Snacking is a 21stC phenomena.

pinkfrocks

If you have 2 prunes and 5 almonds instead of a Lion bar, the total sugar consumed would be 7.5g, compared to 22g in a Lion bar. If you want to stick to Lion bars that's up to you.

Margot

I'm not saying that it's 'beyond the bounds of possibility' that some ignorant person would not realise there is sugar in fruit. Just as some people might think chips are healthy because they're potatoes. Food ignorance is actually a separate issue. The OP is a teacher and not likely to indulge any of these bêtises.

The question is not whether people need to snack pinkfrocks but whether they are snacking and what they're snacking on.

Whether people need to snack depends on their metabolism, their schedule, how stable their blood sugar is, and their eating habits.

runlikeagirl
I just read your posts on this thread

• if your DH eats a whole pack of biscuits in on go, I suspect he's not built like Rob Lowe so should really join you in reducing his long term risk of chronic disease by cutting down on sugar.

• cakes and biscuits at work. ~~~~ Look at the tray of food. ~~~~ Look at your colleagues ~~~~ Did they all wash their hands between toilet / gym / car park / classroom and touching that plate of food? ~~~~ Do you still want to put in your mouth what may have touched a rugby boot?

• snacks : snacking was invented by the food industry in the early 1970's. People do not need to snack. The introduction of snack food and rising obesity exactly parallel each other. Learn not to snack and your health will improve.

Enjoy the Easter break, but use it as time to have a long chat with your DH about where you both want to be, health wise, in 20 years time.

Whether people need to snack depends on their metabolism, their schedule, how stable their blood sugar is, and their eating habits.
Nope.
Nobody needs to snack. Not even Type 1 diabetics.

If grazing works fine. However, the problem with snacking is that you need to cut down your meals accordingly, and I think most healthy snack food is quite boring.

I think that to be nice to eat healthy food generally requires the kind of cooking and preparation that I'm just not prepared to put into a snack. I'd rather wait and have a proper meal.

Nobody needs to snack but the format we have created for our meals isn't suited to everyone. I need much smaller meals, more often. Instead of three a day, in which despite me eating well and healthily left me crashing and close to fainting whilst walking home from work which shouldnt happen on a balanced diet.

Grays
But is your BMI over 25?

Because - as I constantly remind newcomers to the 5:2 threads - they have 10,000 calories in reserve across the back of their hips and need to teach their body to use it.

If you are really feeling faint only a couple hours after a protein and nutrient dense meal, you need to see a doctor.

You are a hoot Twinkle
I didn't post about Lion Bars. In fact I don't even know what one is. I don't eat sweets or chocolate, ever. Or cake or biscuits. Or dried fruit. My BMI is 19.

As for teachers being aware of food values - have you ever set foot in a school lately? I think even you may learn something ie that not all teachers are slim.

Good god this thread is awful!

Someone feeling a bit low, looking to let off steam and maybe get a little support being subjected to a verbal kicking by the self - appointed weight police for the crime of being stressed, unwell and a few
pounds overweight.

Bloody horrible.

I'm sorry but if you're complaining to your husband about being fat and then pick up an Easter egg I don't see the problem with what he said.

We are all allowed treats and to eat what ever we like etc, but nothing annoys me more than somebody moaning about something but not doing anything about it.

It also annoys me when people call men shallow etc for not being happy about their partners putting on weight.

Don't get me wrong, a bit of weight is perfectly fine, but generally speaking, actually being overweight is unhealthy and unattractive. It doesn't make someone shallow to find that unattractive.
I would rather my partner tell me this, than wait until Im really unhealthily overweight and find out he's totally gone off me and no longer finds me attractive.

Are you upset because of what he said, or because he said something which you deep down agree with?

So you think pinkfrocks that anyone who is overweight is 'not aware food values'? This is the second time you have implied this.

I think the OP sounds intelligent and I don't believe she doesn't understand basic nutrition.

QED .

Nobody needs to snack. Not even Type 1 diabetics.

Some people's blood sugar is more stable than others and some people are more sensitive to the effects of lower blood sugar (I'm talking within the normal range not diabetic issues which are more complex). Some people, when their blood sugar gets into the lower end, feel faint and headachy and as soon as they eat they feel better immediately. Those people are often advised to eat 5 small meals a day, for example, rather than 3 larger ones.

As with GraysAnalogy my father has this issue and one of my best friends. For a long time I thought my father was making it up, but having seen him almost faint many times when lunch was delayed, I accept it is a genuine problem for some people.

Having said that I do agree that much snacking is un-necessary.

You're a teacher, and your child gets up at 5.30am?! You deserve two eggs OP! [lots of calorie free chocolate eggs]

I'm going to ignore the discussions about what is overweight and how to lose weight as I don't think that's what this is about.

The bit where your DH pointed out that if you ate chocolate you'd continue to put on weight - yes sadly that was true and if he doesn't say things like that often, I'd try to let him off on that one.

The second bit about is he not meant to mention you have put on weight. Well again on mumsnet when the body fascists aren't on talking about how everyone eats too much, all women should weigh less than 10 stone and should never ever have a chocolate in their life, then the flipside is posters going on about how they now weigh a size 20 but their OH loves them even more than ever.

I'm kind of on the fence. I'd notice if DH put on 2 stone quickly and I probably would find him a bit less attractive. However if he was injured and unable to exercise, I'd try not to point it out in case it was hurtful.

I'm roughly the same height and weight as you OP and I would like to weigh less - frankly anything under 11 stone would be a bonus these days, but like you I haven't found an ongoing mechanism which helps me lose weight successfully. On 5:2 I managed not to lose a single pound over a 3 month period, so clearly I'm a greedy guzzler on my non fast days ( although those who wrote the book said that the whole point of it was that you ate a normal diet on the non fast days).

Anyway I have gone off point. If your DH is otherwise nice and normal then just tell him "Please don't talk about my weight, I find it upsetting" and he should stop.

Talkin I've been to a doctor and have nutritionists at my disposal, there's nothing physically wrong with me, probably coupled with my very active job I need little and often. You'd think the larger meal would be able to sustain me and work the same way as little and often would do, but nope. I've tested this numerous times when I was getting sick of it and not being able to understand.

I've studied quite a lot in regards to diet and nutrition not only because of my job but I have a very avid interest in it, and it's becoming clear that whilst there are certain hard and fast rules (like ones we've put forward previously if I remember), there are many that vary person to person. And the dreaded genuuuhhticccs.

I'm overweight yes. This 'teaching your body to use it' thing though, yes the excess fat will be converted to fatty acids and glycerol (and later glucose) but that doesn't mean I won't initially feel the crash though as the above works on a negative feedback mechanism. I don't do 5:2 because it won't be safe for me, but I am interested in how you get used to the fasting?

Dh is slim and muscular. He never put on weight. He does huge amounts of exercise, but even when he can't he doesn't really gain weight. He's always weighed less than me.

I understand the principle of it snacking, but I am always hungry at break time.

What would you suggest I eat for lunch. Soup is no good as I have no time to heat it, I mostly work through break and lunch and often have 15mins max.

It's difficult when you work through lunch and breaks, because you need something quick.

Bento boxes are fabulous for this. I have 3, I fill them up at the start of the week an chuck them in the fridge till I need them.
Chopped veggies, chopped fruit, dip for the veggies like a bit of natural yoghurt or soy sauce.
Wholemeal pitta with chicken or tuna, pack with veg, I like broccoli onion and chilli.
Wholemeal wrap with the above, with lettuce and carrot
Boiled eggs and cherry tomatoes
Yoghurt and berries
Make a tomato and spinach sauce and eat with ryvita

It really works for me and I've lost weight. And it's always tastes good

www.easylunchboxes.com/blog/over-100-of-the-best-packed-lunch-ideas-for-work/

I make seriously veg loaded sauces too, if you're finding it hard to get the vegetables in your meals. I chop carrots, bell pepper, celery, onion, garlic, and whatever else I fancy, and coupled with chopped tomatoes, maybe some kidney beans, and whatever herbs and spices you like you can make a nice sauce that hasn't got all the sugar of the jar bought and tastes really nice.

They go well with quite a lot of things

Hi there runlikeagirl glad you came back.

Aha, so you are married to a gym bunny with a rocket metabolism.
Even more reason to give him an ear bashing for eating biscuits in the house.
If he wants to support you he can eat well with you at home and save the crap for when he is out.

Meals in a hurry - if you can, go for a high protein breakfast before work - eggs, fish type thing - take a couple of minutes to fix but should keep you full for a good few hours.
Drink plenty. Do not be afraid to become the teacher who is wedded to their thermal mug.
Snack : make up a pot of nuts and seeds and raisins - relatively clean, can be eaten one handed while sorting papers with the other hand, low sugar high protein - again to keep you feeling fuller for longer

THEN
Get your fragrant DH to cook fantastic healthy meals in the evening - money where his mouth is

grays
but I am interested in how you get used to the fasting?
I never eat breakfast - haven't for over 30 years.
From there to delaying lunch was just a case of staving off the rumbly tummy half an hour at a time and staying hydrated.
Once I'd taught my brain that hunger was not faint, it became a doddle.
I can easily go 24 hours on tea, while shopping, at the gym, cooking meals for others.
And as somebody with a low TDEE (1500) it means I get to really enjoy the meals I do have. With at the weekend.

What's your preferred method of weight-loss OP? What appeals to you? What's worked for you in the past, and what hasn't?

That's really interesting thank you Talkin. When I was younger I could fast I used to do it to save money actually but now... and I'm only in my 20's!