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Original poster

Dh said I'm fat

244 replies

runlikeagirl · 02/04/2015 22:12

I suggested some chocolate (might have suggested cracking open and Easter egg). He said no and then added "you can't keep complaining of being fat and then eat chocolate. You'll always be fat if you carry on like that"

I pulled a Hmm face. He carried on "well, am I supposed to pretend you haven't put on weight, you have"

I have put on a little weight as I've been injured and not running and there is possibly some issues with my thyroid. I'm 5lbs over my upper bmi weight, 5'6" and a size 14.

Im really hurt, be he seems to think he is only stating fact.

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 03/04/2015 09:10

Sorry agree with the other posters. If his comments have stung, eat better and try something like swimming if you are injured.

Have yiu had your thyroid checked out?

pinkfrocks · 03/04/2015 09:11

You also need to read up on how much exercise doesn't affect weight. Most people don't do enough to burn more than 300 calories- which is 2 slices of bread or maybe 3 biscuits. Have a look at some apps which show cals used through activities and you will be surprised at how much running you'd need to do to make any difference to weight.

If you eat 100 extra calories a day you will put on a stone over a year.

tobysmum77 · 03/04/2015 09:11

I'm 5'91/2 and the upper bmi limit is 76kgs or 168lbs Confused

MaryWestmacott · 03/04/2015 09:12

oh and if you are stressed, have a lot you are worried about going on, then I would say you should park your weight issues right now - it will be very hard to tackle when stressed and don't have the time/energy to deal with, then it'll just be another thing to beat yourself up about/get stressed over.

I'd say park until the summer, but make the effort not to talk about it or fish for compliments now if you aren't ready to do something about it.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 03/04/2015 09:16

Just read that you are having follow up tests. My DH has low thyroid and once he was on the right dose of thyroxine he was a different man, lots of exercise and toning up Smile

While you are waiting for the tests a bit of healthy eating and walking or swimming won't hurt either.

Be kind to yourself and don't moan to DH about your weight Smile

Original poster
runlikeagirl · 03/04/2015 09:17

I am agreeing with people. Although I'd point out that I don't go on about my weight, I had mentioned that I'd stopped fasting as was finding it too hard on stressful work days.

This is pathetic, but I hate swimming. The having the shave your legs, bikini line, wash your hair.

pinkfrocks I am well of aware of calories burned etc. I usually run 20 miles a week, longer when training. So it does make a difference.

OP posts:
bonniebear · 03/04/2015 09:18

You can easily do it without exercise. If I were you I would use the summer as motivation

bonniebear · 03/04/2015 09:21

I agree with you fasting would be hard. I don't really agree with it and it would be better just to eat less day to day

Marzipanface · 03/04/2015 09:29

I'm amazed at the unpleasant responses on here. The op knows perfectly well how to lose weight, she KNOWS her bmi has to increased through a combination of health issues and stress. Stop shaming her and telling her what she NEEDS to do. If it was as easy to lose weight as you are all making it out to be, there would not be an obesity epidemic in this country. It's fucking embarrassing and depressing the lack of empathy and understanding on this board extended towards people struggling with weight problems.

Whocansay · 03/04/2015 09:37

It sounds like the 5:2 diet isn't for you. Why don't you try a different approach and see if that suits you better? (I'm thinking weightwatchers / slimming world / slim fast).

And keep a food diary. That way you can really SEE what you've eaten and will make you think twice about what you're having.

I like running, but I also make sure I do some weight baring exercise as muscle tone apparently helps you burn more calories when you're at rest.

As far as your DH goes, I think he was actually trying to be helpful. In a cackhanded way!

Good luck with the weight loss. I've been where you are and it feels shit, but you'll get there in the end.

Original poster
runlikeagirl · 03/04/2015 09:46

I will.

I know what to do. Just when you've been up at 5.30am (and up in night) and a teenage has just pushed you over and told you to fuck off and there are chocolate /cakes in the office it is too easy to give in.

But it's the holidays. So wearing, shouting or pushing for 2 weeks.

OP posts:
BathtimeFunkster · 03/04/2015 09:48

It just isn't possible to only lose 1lb in weeks if you are fasting 2 days.

Hmm

It is if you are hypothyroid.

That can slow your metabolism right down to the point where you are eating 800 cals per day and still not losing weight.

I think it was really mean of him to call you fat when you are struggling with your health at the moment. It's Easter FFS.

Twinklestein · 03/04/2015 09:53

My mother does the 5:2 and she struggles with tiredness on fast days when she's got lot on. Teaching is really demanding so I would try a different kind of diet.

I think some people need more exercise than others, and it may be that once this injury is resolved and you can get running again, the weight will come off easily. As your body is normally used to a lot of exercise then you may need to recalibrate the size of portions downwards while you're injured.

If you have a tendency to snack on biscuits and chocolate etc when you're tired then get a box of healthy foods to snack on - lots of nuts as they're very sustaining, dried fruit such as blueberries, cherries, apricots, prunes, whole grain crunch bars and Nakd bars, and no sugar whole grain crackers.
To avoid junk you need an alternative to junk.

Original poster
runlikeagirl · 03/04/2015 09:54

My thyroid level is retested in 2 weeks. They said it was borderline underactive and would test again in 3 months

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 03/04/2015 09:58

Xpost, you might try to challenge your attitude to 'comfort' eating. I don't personally find cakes and choc comforting - I hate Cadburys type choc bars, i I certainly don't find putting on weight comforting! Can you maybe replace your 'treats' with something else?

Twinklestein · 03/04/2015 09:59

Xpost again, if your thyroid is borderline that explains a lot.

Vivacia · 03/04/2015 10:01

If you have a tendency to snack on biscuits and chocolate etc when you're tired then get a box of healthy foods to snack on - lots of nuts as they're very sustaining, dried fruit such as blueberries, cherries, apricots, prunes, whole grain crunch bars and Nakd bars, and no sugar whole grain crackers.

How does this help one eat fewer calories??

MrsGPie01252 · 03/04/2015 10:17

I'd have a little sit down with him and ask him to support you rather than point out inadequacies you are already sensitive about. Is he stick thin? A lot of men point out weight issues in other halves and are equally lacking in the fitness dept!

Tell go to save the biscuit eating, etc to work and to help you keep it healthy at home. Ask him to cook a healthy meal one or two nights a week. Try to go carb free at supper. It's the easiest way. He can have his jacket spud with a steak but you don't

defineme · 03/04/2015 10:22

I think that it's not actually about weight loss op, but simple manners.
you have an injury, potential health problem and a stressful life, it's natural you have put on weight. However, you will be fine long term because you are in the habit of exercise and not stupid.
if I asked dh to be brutally honest about my weight he would be, but making an unprovoked comment at the start of a holiday when I had simply asked him to pass me something to eat... rude.
it's not enabling to be kind and polite to your loved one. If he's concerned for her he can get up at 530 with the baby, suggest he does the evening routine whilst she exercises, make healthy snacks, etc. Not make bitchy comments when she's exhausted and feeling crap enough as it is.
I put on weight after an operation and hormonal issues...similar to op bmi 26 dh was not enabling my weight gain when he told me I was beautiful, tried to make sure I had time to go and exercise with my friend etc. Telling me I was fat would have been so rude...it is not a factual statement because it's an insult in our society. In my world dps are polite and kind.

Twinklestein · 03/04/2015 10:25

How does this help one eat fewer calories??

Because fruit, nuts and health bars generally have fewer calories and less fat than high fat and sugar bars. Equally, it's not simply a question of calories, but the types of food. Junk food is empty calories. Refined sugar hits your blood stream faster than low GI complex carbs for example and the energy boost from the latter lasts longer. Sugar just spikes your blood glucose after which it swings down again and you feel you need more sugar to push it up again.

MargotLovedTom · 03/04/2015 10:36

defineme but it doesn't sound like it was a case of the man making "an unprovoked comment" when the OP had "simply asked him to pass...something to eat." The OP has said herself she is struggling with her weight and has said she is unhappy with it, she suggested eating some chocolate and her H's reaction is one of "Confused Why do you want to eat chocolate if you're feeling fat?". Bit of a different scenario.

Just out of curiosity OP, what was he like when you were bigger (you said you lost 2.5 stone)? Did he comment on your weight then?

MargotLovedTom · 03/04/2015 10:37

Twinklestein but dried fruit is really high in sugar.

Walkacrossthesand · 03/04/2015 10:40

OP, emotional eating triggers aside, have you changed your MFP setting from 'active' to 'sedentary' to reflect reduced exercise due to injury ? I thought my lifestyle was 'lightly active' and set it as such, alongside entering the exercise I did - I didn't start to lose weight until i stopped entering the exercise I did, so I presume I don't Blushdo enough to qualify as more than 'lightly active'! Blush

popalot · 03/04/2015 10:46

Don't defend your weight, your eating habits or your excercise regime to anyone OP! Your original post was about whether your dh should have commented on your weight and I don't think he should have. It's unkind and unthoughtful (and a bit stupid - talking about walking into a minefield!!). I bet he realised it as soon as he said it and wished he'd swallowed those words back up! He knows you're situation with the lack of running.

something2say · 03/04/2015 10:47

Interesting to read the whole thread.

Sorry to hear about the ops illness and stress levels.

However as an overview, mumsnet is a funny place when it comes to weight, or so I have observed. On the one hand people confess to lying around watching TV and eating biscuits, then that they are overweight and feel bad about it. On the other, there are some fit and healthy women out there with excellent attitudes to food. It seems to me that modern life has to change from the first attitude to the second. We work too hard, are too stressed, find sugar laden foods everywhere we look. As a body of people, we must eat less, eat better things and move around more. I have the same issues myself. Am under a size 10 but struggle with will power when there are biscuits in every cupboard at work and I do a stressful job all day with stuff at night too. Tired, worn out, need rest, sleep, only ever seem to stop when I am eating.

If anyone's still interested hehe I plan to work on that. Water and lemon, green tea, dark chocolate and popcorn are all working their way into my life and being well received. Now it's time to work out how to manage f it days, when I think oh f it, and go and buy crisps and a chocolate bar and lie on the sofa knackered.

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