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Original poster

Dh said I'm fat

244 replies

runlikeagirl · 02/04/2015 22:12

I suggested some chocolate (might have suggested cracking open and Easter egg). He said no and then added "you can't keep complaining of being fat and then eat chocolate. You'll always be fat if you carry on like that"

I pulled a Hmm face. He carried on "well, am I supposed to pretend you haven't put on weight, you have"

I have put on a little weight as I've been injured and not running and there is possibly some issues with my thyroid. I'm 5lbs over my upper bmi weight, 5'6" and a size 14.

Im really hurt, be he seems to think he is only stating fact.

OP posts:
HellBoundNothingFound · 03/04/2015 02:08

Have you read the current critically evaluated studies on weight loss of late?

She is hardly 'overweight', her weight loss will be tougher and slower than someone actually overweight

ApplePaltrow · 03/04/2015 02:59

She's five pounds over her upper BMI limit. At 5'6', that's 192 pounds or 13 stone 10 pounds.

HelenaDove · 03/04/2015 03:07

Apple i was once ten stone over that limit For some of us being at 13 stone is an acheivement.

ApplePaltrow · 03/04/2015 03:25

Helena, I weigh more than that right now. But I refuse to be one of those annoying women who whines about their weight all the time.

It's funny that if the OP posted about a friend who was annoying her because the friend never stopped whining about her weight, we'd all be sympathetic but because it's a man, I guess someone'll be recommending lundy bancroft and to ltb.

glorymorning · 03/04/2015 03:54

5 lbs is fuck all. Have the chocolate and tell your DH to shove it

But it's not having put on 5lbs, it's being 5lbs above a healthy weight in bmi.

glorymorning · 03/04/2015 04:00

She's five pounds over her upper BMI limit. At 5'6', that's 192 pounds or 13 stone 10 pounds.

If that's right for you OP then you and me are the same weight and height.

This week I've managed to lose 6lbs and I've done zero exercise. All I did was change my eating, no snacks or junk and drink water.

I'm fat. I hate it, but I'm doing something about it finally.

Yes the comments hurt, but it's just the harsh truth. If you don't want comments then don't say you want to lose weight.

bonniebear · 03/04/2015 07:16

I would see it as my dh is being kind by telling me if it was me

Burke1 · 03/04/2015 07:48

YABU. You said yourself that you've been complaining about your weight, your DH is just pointing out that you're not going to lose it if you aren't eating right. The truth hurts sometimes but it's always far better than a well meaning lie, at least that's what I think. If he brought it up on his own then I would have said he was being unreasonable but as you've mentioned it then it's clearly something you're not happy with and would like to change, so I think he's fair in what he said. Not really sure where all the hostility (one person even called the husband a "prick" :O for reasons apparently known only to themselves) is coming from.

MaryWestmacott · 03/04/2015 07:51

Many men hear you complain about a problem and feel they need to help you find a solution to the problem. However, many woman moan about stuff like "I feel fat" or "these jeans are too tight" and they go into "problem solving mode" not "sympathy /reassurance mode".

Put bluntly, if you are 5lbs above the max healthy BMI without being a body builder or a sports woman of some sort (so stacked with heavy muscle), you'll be fat. (And just because some people on here are even bigger, doesn't make that less of a problem).

5:2 clearly isn't working for you, perhaps look at what you are eating overall. Depending on the size of Easter egg, that could be 300-500cals in half of it. That's a big evening snack after not dieting in the day.

Original poster
runlikeagirl · 03/04/2015 07:57

Er, I'm 11st 5lbs. I thought 11st was my upper limit. I have been recording everything I eat on MFP. And not estimating, but weighing if needed. I lost 2.5 stone on 5:2 last year, along side running. Then I was injured and it was Christmas.

Dunno know how long it will be u til I run properly again, waiting for a podiatrist follow up. They can't seem to work out what's wrong.

OP posts:
bonniebear · 03/04/2015 08:00

Cut out treats and limit portion size

sassytheFIRST · 03/04/2015 08:03

I'm 5ft7, OP, and you're right, upper BMI is just over 11st. You WOULD be far at nearly 14st Wink!

It's a bit of a kick to hear that from your nearest and dearest. However, you can get upset/sulk/dive into the biscuit tin or treat it as the spur you need to get going. If you work hard at reducing what you eat (you talk if terms, are you a teacher? If so, try delaying breakfast while you're off and maybe only eating 2 meals, no snacks till you go back...), cutting booze down if appropriate and even have a good brisk walk every day if running is off limits you could be 3-5lbs lighter when term starts again.

lastlines · 03/04/2015 08:04

I truly don't get sensitivity to being told 'you're fat,' if you're medically overweight.

It's a fact not a putdown. If you don't mind being fat, agree, grin and carry on. If you do mind, don't eat chocolate. It's lard and sugar with brown dye and puts the weight on faster than almost anything else.

I must have a very blokish attitude to it. I'm fat. I don't like being fat but hate dieting even more, so I stay fat. (Much fatter than you OP.) I never feel offended if someone says I am, because they're right.

lastlines · 03/04/2015 08:07

Runlikeagirl that's an amazing result. Can you do weights and core body strength work until you get back to running, just to keep in shape?

TheHoundsBitch · 03/04/2015 08:10

She's five pounds over her upper BMI limit. At 5'6', that's 192 pounds or 13 stone 10 pounds.
That's completely wrong. The top end of bmi for my height (5'8) is 11st 11.

MaryWestmacott · 03/04/2015 08:33

BTW OP, your reaction might not be towards being told you are fat,but to having your food intake noticed. I know, it's hideous feeling and woman are judged on what they eat so much more than men. This isn't just an overweight woman issue, thin woman's food intake is often negatively commented on too. (Lots of people comment that they don't eat enough)

But easter egg chocolate is really crap chocolate - if you're going ot treat yourself, make it a real treat, good quality food full of flavour, not sugar and fat and colourings.

ElizabethHoover · 03/04/2015 08:34

It's not his fault you are overweight. It's yours. Stop eating stuff or shut up about it. No one likes someone who drones on about their weight

LividofLondinium · 03/04/2015 08:40

Here we go, yet another thread that descends into what is classed as overweight or not. That's irrelevant. What is relevant is that the OP has complained to her DH that she wants to lose weight, so in his simplistic views has told her that eating chocolate won't help. He may be a bit tactless but he is correct.

I very much relate to the stereotypical male "fixing" a problem rather than the "there, there, you'll be fine" approach. If you want to change your life do what you can about it. Stop the denial and excuses, be honest with yourself. Don't complain about something then sabotage your efforts in making those desired changes. This is a general rant BTW.

Run, I hope the thyroid tests results are helpful. In the meantime your DH could help by not bringing calorie rich food in the house. Honestly, that would test even the strongest will power, so I think he's being pretty insensitive with thatHmm

Sickoffrozen · 03/04/2015 08:40

A bit of sympathy probably wouldn't have gone a miss on this thread. The OP is looking for support not a character assassination.

Original poster
runlikeagirl · 03/04/2015 08:47

I can't walk either, walking for more than a half a mile causes pain too. I will look at weights. The thing for me is I like running, so it doesn't seem like a chore.

I understand the concept of weight gain. I'm not an idiot. But Dh also knows that I am under immense pressure at work (yes, secondary school teacher) and a child that gets up at 5.30am so sometimes I make bad choices.

But yes I need to make better choices. I don't drink, but will cut out treats.

OP posts:
LividofLondinium · 03/04/2015 08:52

P.S. Run sorry to hear about your injury. I know how frustrating it can be to want to run but can't until something heals. When I got injured I went to a sports physio who diagnosed a slightly trapped nerve in my back...I had a weird sensation in my left foot! Also had a slight overuse injury in my foot. What cured it, pretty quickly, was a few minutes of simple core strengthening exercises and a few balancing exercises each day. The first physio I went to got the diagnosis wrong and gave me outrageous amounts of irrelevant stuff to do long term (even the second physio said that it's pointless giving people so many exercises because they won't stick to them)! So what I'm trying to say is your injury may be something easily fixed but the experts are missing it. Have you tried a sports physio or another podiatrist?

LividofLondinium · 03/04/2015 08:55

A bit of sympathy probably wouldn't have gone a miss on this thread. The OP is looking for support not a character assassination
That may make the OP feel better short term but it's not dealing with the issue is it. Sometimes we need to hear the truth, even if it smarts at the time, if it's better for the long term.

Original poster
runlikeagirl · 03/04/2015 09:02

Yes, tried a sport's physio. It's linked (possibly) to me breaking my foot. I have a malformed bone lump on the break site. When I broken it one consultant wanted to pin it, but when I went back another consultant said it didn't need it. I had been told that without pinning it may cause some pain.

I have to go through all the NHS stages (insoles, strengthening exercises) before they will refer me to someone who will look at imaging it.

OP posts:
pinkfrocks · 03/04/2015 09:08

Your DH was only stating what you have said yourself- of yourself.

I think he's hit a nerve.

Why can't you be open about this?

And if you are 5lbs over BMI 25 then yes you are overweight. Ideal BMI is lower end of range 18.5 - 25. Over 25 is overweight.

It's all a bit of an over reaction I'd say.
If it bothers you, stop eating so much of the wrong stuff.

MaryWestmacott · 03/04/2015 09:09

OP - it's hard if you can do very little exercise, but the reality is your body probably needs very few calories given your limited mobility - far less than most other people of your height/age who'll be able to move about more.

For better choices, make sure you're meal planning when not hungry, it's easier to make decent choices when you aren't wanting food there and then, and then it's easier to stick to a meal plan than make something else. Make sure you include foods that will be filling (like lots of protein) so you are less likely to want to snack a couple of hours later.

But again, I'm giving you practical advice - if you just want 'there, there' messages, that's probably not helpful. If you're ready to change your bodyshape, then there's lots of good advice for those who can't do it via exercise, but if you really aren't ready yet to tackle it - be it because of work stress or other issues, then fine, (it might be more like the summer before you'll be in a better place to deal with it) but then make an effort not to complain to your DH/others about your body shape if you are really only fishing for compliments/reassurance.