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Original poster

Help need advice about sulky unforgiving DH

224 replies

Demonchops · 14/03/2015 19:35

Please wise MNers- I'm at my wits end. DH has been sulking with me all week since an argument we had last Sunday. I'd been cooking for a long time- Sunday dinner nothing fancy but also doing some biscuits and flapjacks at same time for the weeks packed lunches for the 3 dc - also a pudding made as well so quite busy in the kitchen- meal time was fine until, after one of the kids said 'mummy this is a yummy' I said 'on a scale of 1 - 10 how yummy is it ? Or something- so they all rated it - DH chips in he'd give it 8/10. He didn't say it jokey or with a wink...it was serious
I tell you I wanted to poke his eyes out that second- I felt hurt truly esp since I'd made him a lovely meal! With hindsight how I reacted was not perfect but I was hurt- and realise I was pre-menstrual. I truly feel that he was tactless and unkind and should have said 10/10 just to be a nice hubby and a role
Model for the kids not the honest arsehole he was - so we had an argument about it.

Next few days he sulks and sulks ignoring me and generally withdrawing. I continue to try and talk to him as normal- I asked him to help me mid week by helping to wash up if he sees some accumulated in sink on a week night and he didn't like being asked - and I quote " it's not his mess" so we had another bicker /
Argument about that- I have continued to try and make amends and smooth things over but he doesn't want to nor cannot forgive and forget and move on - it's nearly been 7 days! I think he is being totally petty and childish and unforgiving! He texted me today to say he can carry on sulking for ages if he wants and thinks that he's only good for beig weekend dad anyway??? What shall I do? Ignore and keep on as normal? Some previous history of this sorta behaviour but we have always got through it- 3 dcs 10, 8 and 4

OP posts:
Vivacia · 14/03/2015 19:39

I'm not sure how relevant this is, but what did you actually say during the argument - what was the worst comment you made?

The rest of it... I'm speechless.

WorkingBling · 14/03/2015 19:42

This is the most bizarre thing I have read in ages. You were hurt becaus your food was only 8/10? That's ridiculous. And him sulking for a week is even more so. Did you apologise for being over sensitive at the time?

Do you have other issues because this seems ridiculous as a once off.

Vivacia · 14/03/2015 19:42

Ok, how about saying, "I'm not having a marriage like this, so it's counselling for us"?

AnyFucker · 14/03/2015 19:43

I feel sorry for you that you live like this.

Original poster
Demonchops · 14/03/2015 19:45

Thanks for replying! Means a lot. I got up out of dining chair abruptly and said I can't believe you said that. I said I thought he was tactless unkind and did he realise I'd just Cooked them all a meal!? I think I ended up saying he could cook for himself next time - he said I was precious and did I think I was above being criticised!-and That I shouldn't have asked if didn't want to hear truth! sometimes he's an arsehole -

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 14/03/2015 19:45

You're a twerp for getting all upset and resentful about an 8/10 unless you know he was doing it on purpose just to hurt your feelings.

Quite honestly, he sounds like too much hard work. The silent treatment for a week? Tell him to either buck his ideas up or ship the fuck out. What is he, five?

Original poster
Demonchops · 14/03/2015 19:49

I've apologised to him for overreacting - Tbh the 8/10thing was silly it was just that he said it in front of kids when I'd been making them all a bloody meal -

OP posts:
Original poster
Demonchops · 14/03/2015 19:51

Bitter- you're right - I was a twerp for getting upset at the time .... but I certainly don't deserve this silent treatment - I've tried being normal with him all bloody week. Thanks all for your advice

OP posts:
gamerchick · 14/03/2015 19:51

Based on what you've said the punishment hardly suits the crime.

I do admire your staying power for a week long sulk though. 3 hours and they're shoved out of the house and told to come back when they're over themselves. Thankfully the husband is a grown up nd not into mind games so hasn't been necessary.

Don't let your kids learn this behaviour man.

TopOfTheCliff · 14/03/2015 19:55

Ouch Demon that sounds hurtful. Presumably you were sort of hoping for a resounding 10/10 and an acknowledgement of what a fab mum and home maker you are. I love making the sunday roast and would be really hurt if my family didn't appreciate it as I am a bit of a "feeder" and show my love by cooking for them all. Your DH was being insensitive as presumably he knows you well enough to realise what strokes you need.

This sounds like the tip of a tricky iceberg. Does your DH often sulk? Does he pull his weight at home? Is he part of the team or does he expect you to do everything at home and he just accepts it all as his right? I may project madly here as I lived with a PA entitled knob who thought I was there to service his every need until I woke up and left him.

What are you going to do this week? Cook again or go on strike and tell him he can do it and you will rate him out of 10 on it?

AnyFucker · 14/03/2015 19:57

no, the "punishment" doesn't fit the crime

your husband sounds like a tedious bell end...how on earth do you find him sexually attractive ?

Lweji · 14/03/2015 19:57

You did overreact on the 8/10. It's hardly criticism.
But... if you have to do it all at home, including cooking, I'd probably have told him to fuck off.

He is being a knob for holding on for so long with his sulk and reacting like it's not his house and he doesn't have to work there.

Does he do his bit at home?

Make sure you tell him that you won't put up with sulking, so he can go and sulk by himself if he wants to.
And sort his own mess at the same time.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 14/03/2015 19:59

Well... You reacted very badly to his comment but you know that. Id be delighted if DH gave a meal id cooked 8/10, he believes in 'constructive criticism' Wink.

Silent treatment for a week is ridiculous though. I genuinely couldn't live like that. What is he hoping to achieve with it? Does he want to put you in your place and make sure you don't disagree/argue/ask him to do something he doesn't want to do? What does he mean by 'weekend dad'?

BathtimeFunkster · 14/03/2015 20:05

You asked them to rate your meal!

You asked and then went for him when he joined in?

In front of the children?

I can't abide sulkers, but Jesus, you sound like hard work.

He's probably afraid to speak to you in case he falls into another one of your passive aggressive traps.

Jackw · 14/03/2015 21:11

Oh come on, the OP is not the major offender here. It was a silly spat for which she's apologised but he has sulked for a week! That is way over the top.

No brilliant advice, I'm afraid. I married a sulker too and it's a really difficult one to deal with. My best advice is just to get on with life without him, get out of the house as much as possible, be in different rooms as much as possible. And if this is regular behaviour, think about whether you can bear to spend the rest of your life like this.

tribpot · 14/03/2015 21:18

Some previous history of this sorta behaviour but we have always got through it

Have you really? Or have you just put up with it until he chose to come out of his sulk?

Original poster
Demonchops · 14/03/2015 21:21

Thanks Jackw -

It was naive to ask the kids to stupidly rate the meal but we often muck around like that but I was silly to overreact to his comment - but was hurt by his honesty and wondered why he wanted to offend me like that! I love providing for the family and am a feeder and something like that hurts me! It's silly I realise -

I will indeed carry on my With life and leave him to It. I am not making conversation with him and not do anything for him whilst he carried on being petulant child-
What you think?

OP posts:
Lweji · 14/03/2015 21:25

I was going to say it sounds like a good plan, but it's mostly mimicking his behaviour.

I think it would actually be best to tell him that he can choose to stop his childish sulking and have a proper conversation with you about it and get over it, or sulk but then by distancing himself like that he will be killing bit by bit the love you have for him because you will have no option but to distance yourself too.

BathtimeFunkster · 14/03/2015 21:27

but was hurt by his honesty and wondered why he wanted to offend me like that!

You were hurt that he said your dinner was really, really good?

So hurt that you started a row about it in front of your children?

And stil believe a week later that he "wanted to offend"?

Come off it.

What kind of apology did you actually make?

Because you behaved appallingly, and it doesn't sound like you are remotely sorry.

ClashCityRocker · 14/03/2015 21:28

Well, I certainly wouldn't pander to him or try to bring him out of it.

Is there more going on to this? It seems like a massive overreaction on both parts...how is your relationship usually?

I must admit, I couldn't live with this as a regular occurrence.

blueberrypie0112 · 14/03/2015 21:30

Even though I agree with you with everything you are saying and on your side, I do think I wouldn't put my kids (or my husband) in the position to rate my meal. Or ask for feedbacks unless I am prepare to handle the truth and learn from it to improve. But that's just me.

Your husband is capable being positive though

hesterton · 14/03/2015 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BathtimeFunkster · 14/03/2015 21:33

I think you need to get a proper handle on how utterly, inexcusably vile you were and be actually properly sorry for the massive row you caused and the way you humiliated your husband in front of your children, before you start making any demands of him.

You still think you were basically in the right last week and just did a little overreact, which you want overlooked because of your period. Hmm

In reality, you were fishing for compliments from your children, and got in a massive strop because the compliment your husband paid you wasn't sufficiently grovelling.

Are you always this manipulative?

Laquitar · 14/03/2015 21:34

Stop asking his approval.

When i cook if someone doesn't like it i am happy that i can have it next day for my lunch.
He knows you need his approval and thats why he said that - which is cruel.
But the question is why do you need to be praised for your meals ? By someone who doesn't seem to care much?

OnePlanOnHouzz · 14/03/2015 21:36

I would modify grown up meals to the most bland basic meals for a month let him see what 3/10 tastes like !! Then he might be more appreciative of an 8/10 !