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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Help need advice about sulky unforgiving DH

224 replies

Demonchops · 14/03/2015 19:35

Please wise MNers- I'm at my wits end. DH has been sulking with me all week since an argument we had last Sunday. I'd been cooking for a long time- Sunday dinner nothing fancy but also doing some biscuits and flapjacks at same time for the weeks packed lunches for the 3 dc - also a pudding made as well so quite busy in the kitchen- meal time was fine until, after one of the kids said 'mummy this is a yummy' I said 'on a scale of 1 - 10 how yummy is it ? Or something- so they all rated it - DH chips in he'd give it 8/10. He didn't say it jokey or with a wink...it was serious
I tell you I wanted to poke his eyes out that second- I felt hurt truly esp since I'd made him a lovely meal! With hindsight how I reacted was not perfect but I was hurt- and realise I was pre-menstrual. I truly feel that he was tactless and unkind and should have said 10/10 just to be a nice hubby and a role
Model for the kids not the honest arsehole he was - so we had an argument about it.

Next few days he sulks and sulks ignoring me and generally withdrawing. I continue to try and talk to him as normal- I asked him to help me mid week by helping to wash up if he sees some accumulated in sink on a week night and he didn't like being asked - and I quote " it's not his mess" so we had another bicker /
Argument about that- I have continued to try and make amends and smooth things over but he doesn't want to nor cannot forgive and forget and move on - it's nearly been 7 days! I think he is being totally petty and childish and unforgiving! He texted me today to say he can carry on sulking for ages if he wants and thinks that he's only good for beig weekend dad anyway??? What shall I do? Ignore and keep on as normal? Some previous history of this sorta behaviour but we have always got through it- 3 dcs 10, 8 and 4

OP posts:
Original poster
Demonchops · 14/03/2015 22:16

BathtimeF it's quite clear to see I'm asking how to deal with a sulky unforgiving husband not asking for a 10/10-
.i realise I'm not a perfect wonderful person we all have faults and things we do that I wish I could undo... But it's hard to deal with him when he's like this

OP posts:
blueberrypie0112 · 14/03/2015 22:16

And i never saw her looking for 10/10 on this thread either.

Fairenuff · 14/03/2015 22:17

Is BTF OP's dh?

Original poster
Demonchops · 14/03/2015 22:20

I hope to god not that would not be great!

OP posts:
Lweji · 14/03/2015 22:20

Bathtime, it sounds like you are overreacting and in need of relaxing a bit.
Maybe take it from your username?

Everybody said the OP was unreasonable initially.

Her own OH could have told her that, and have a proper talk about her overreaction.
Sulks are for babies, particularly when there has been an apology and the other person is reaching out.
Adults talk to each other.
Taking some time off for thinking it over or calming down is fine. Sulking for a week is simply not on.

Lweji · 14/03/2015 22:20

Not unless your OH is a MN regular.

Fairenuff · 14/03/2015 22:22

Does he know you use mn OP?

Original poster
Demonchops · 14/03/2015 22:23

I have been reaching out all week to him- normal stuff -day to day conversations .

We have a mass of stresses in our life at the moment- I have too many which I think are contributing to my mood but it's no excuse I know

OP posts:
MNHQ
TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet · 14/03/2015 22:24

AHem

Original poster
Demonchops · 14/03/2015 22:25

He knows I Mumsnet yes and often takes the pissConfused

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 14/03/2015 22:25

What's up Olivia?

lemonade30 · 14/03/2015 22:33

well, this is bizarre.....
or perhaps its not. I mean I'm proud of my tits. you're proud of your culinary capabilities.
I'd skulldrag my OH if he rated my 32Es as 8/10.
then again I wouldn't ask my kids to rate my baps so yeah, you and your pseudo teenage partner, I can't help you. I have nada......

Gemzybelle · 14/03/2015 22:36

Wow I could not be arsed with that kind of shite and thankfully neither could my DH.

You both sound ridiculously childish.

tallwivglasses · 14/03/2015 22:37

OP you're being very gracious about the negative comments here. The bit that made me shudder in your first post was how he was serious when he gave your score - no wink or smile. He chose to change the dynamic of the jokey family conversation. Have you any idea why?

Ooooooooh · 14/03/2015 22:37

Bathtime - you seem to have a rather large chip on your shoulder. I bet you're a childish sulker too. A week of sulking is utterly ridiculous!!!

Fairenuff · 14/03/2015 22:39

'She's looking for more 10/10s here. Some people are prepared to give them. I'm not'.

Well it sure sounds like it could be him OP.

AvaCrowder · 14/03/2015 22:39

Does your dh admit to sulking? His text message saying that he could do it for ages implies it.

I confront sulking head on, 'are you sulking with me? If so I think that you are being silly.' I don't reach out to sulkers or try to appease them, because I dislike manipulative behaviour.

You may have been in the wrong last week, I'm not sure really. But to sulk for a week and threaten longer is pathetic.

lemonade30 · 14/03/2015 22:41

God help the OP if BF is her DH.

totally explains the sanctimonious passive aggression though Wink

Lweji · 14/03/2015 22:41

I sometimes ask DS to rate the food I make, particularly if it's a new recipe something I cobbled up together. I like to know if he enjoys what I've made, but I really want an honest answer because I am interested, not fishing for praise. It doesn't always means that.

I'd compare this to when now exH asked me if I'd date him if he wasn't handsome. Fishing for compliments. I told him he wasn't that good looking, trying to mean that he was no model but I did love him. He reacted badly.
However, I did not sulk for a week because he reacted badly to my comment, FGS!

What it sounds like is that he did feel in the wrong, but doesn't actually want to admit it.

Original poster
Demonchops · 14/03/2015 22:42

I doubt BF is him- he wouldn't know how to use the word fulsomely -

OP posts:
Lweji · 14/03/2015 22:43

I bet you're a childish sulker too.

WTAF?

Ooooooooh · 14/03/2015 22:44

In the big scheme of things it's positive for children see a minor disagreement between adults, then see them make it up soon after, whilst working through the issues in a calm and constructive way. The children will then learn how to resolve their own arguments in a similar vein - which is positive. However sulking for a week isn't role modelling good behaviour, it's actually very destructive to a relationship. The adults should be leaning towards resolution rather then clinging immaturely onto old grudges.

Lweji · 14/03/2015 22:45

Ups, sorry, that had been to Bath in the original post.

walking away slowly

Lydiand · 14/03/2015 22:46

BF is a regular poster, and female, I believe.

Of course he could be a regular MNer and keeps it secret. Wink

lemonade30 · 14/03/2015 22:46

you know OP you really need to ignore his behaviour, treat him with absolute indifference and go about your business.

He won't sulk for long if you're not reacting to him.

When he ceases sulking maintain your indifference. He deserves to be treated like the sulking adolescent he is parodying.