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Original poster

Help need advice about sulky unforgiving DH

224 replies

Demonchops · 14/03/2015 19:35

Please wise MNers- I'm at my wits end. DH has been sulking with me all week since an argument we had last Sunday. I'd been cooking for a long time- Sunday dinner nothing fancy but also doing some biscuits and flapjacks at same time for the weeks packed lunches for the 3 dc - also a pudding made as well so quite busy in the kitchen- meal time was fine until, after one of the kids said 'mummy this is a yummy' I said 'on a scale of 1 - 10 how yummy is it ? Or something- so they all rated it - DH chips in he'd give it 8/10. He didn't say it jokey or with a wink...it was serious
I tell you I wanted to poke his eyes out that second- I felt hurt truly esp since I'd made him a lovely meal! With hindsight how I reacted was not perfect but I was hurt- and realise I was pre-menstrual. I truly feel that he was tactless and unkind and should have said 10/10 just to be a nice hubby and a role
Model for the kids not the honest arsehole he was - so we had an argument about it.

Next few days he sulks and sulks ignoring me and generally withdrawing. I continue to try and talk to him as normal- I asked him to help me mid week by helping to wash up if he sees some accumulated in sink on a week night and he didn't like being asked - and I quote " it's not his mess" so we had another bicker /
Argument about that- I have continued to try and make amends and smooth things over but he doesn't want to nor cannot forgive and forget and move on - it's nearly been 7 days! I think he is being totally petty and childish and unforgiving! He texted me today to say he can carry on sulking for ages if he wants and thinks that he's only good for beig weekend dad anyway??? What shall I do? Ignore and keep on as normal? Some previous history of this sorta behaviour but we have always got through it- 3 dcs 10, 8 and 4

OP posts:
pictish · 14/03/2015 21:36

Agree that there has been much silliness on both parts. You were bonkers to take offence at his 8/10 - you asked and he replied. Your ego must be very delicate to make a row out of that!
And he is being a tit to keep on sulking over it.

You both sound like you could be doing with growing up tbh.

pictish · 14/03/2015 21:38

Oneplan who is to say he wasn't appreciative of the meal?

Fairenuff · 14/03/2015 21:40

He texted me today to say he can carry on sulking for ages if he wants

If he texted you then he has broken his sulky silence so he can't keep it going actually.

In any case I would just ignore him and get on with my life.

Use this as an opportunity to reassess your relationship OP. It sounds odd to me that you talk to each other like this and react in these extremes. Not the sort of relationship I would want to be in. Is this really enough for you?

base9 · 14/03/2015 21:44

I have no idea what the 8/10 comment meant. It could be that he needs to save 10/10 for meals where u have really excelled even your usual high standard. It could be a criticism, which is seriously uncalled for when someone has cooked for you. It is home-cooked and loving, not fecking masterchef.
The sulking is madness. Why and how do you put up with that? And as you have already apologised for your reaction, what further steps is he expecting to be taken before he unsulks?

Original poster
Demonchops · 14/03/2015 21:48

I like your responses and they are truly helpful- thank you all-

I realise I was in the wrong in many ways --- eek and don't normally overreact in that way- no excuses but it surely doesn't warrant this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Demonchops · 14/03/2015 21:49

Laquitar- I agree with you I should stop seeking approval- something I do!

OP posts:
BathtimeFunkster · 14/03/2015 21:50

I'm sure he's also reassessing the relationship.

I know I would be if I got bawled out in front of my kids for not praising my spouse's cooking as fulsomely as they believed the deserved and was then expected to accept an obviously fake apology from someone who still thought they were in the right.

MaybeDoctor · 14/03/2015 21:50

It was fishing for compliments a bit...but, putting myself in your shoes I imagine that you were a bit worn out from all the cooking and you were hoping for a few nice/appreciative remarks to give you a boost.

I did once read a self-help book which said that if you are aware that you are looking for praise just give it to yourself: 'I'm so pleased with my roast potatoes today, they have turned out 10/10!'. That way you acknowledge your own work but don't put pressure on anyone else to offer praise etc.

Unfortunately what you did do was to entrap your DH by asking for marks, then being angry about what he said. But a week's sulking? Jeez...

Original poster
Demonchops · 14/03/2015 21:50

Pictish- my ego sometimes feels fragile as I feel under appreciated a lot

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 14/03/2015 21:53

it must be really shit for your children living with this atmosphere. You sound as bad as each other really.

BathtimeFunkster · 14/03/2015 21:53

Instead of focusing on what you deserve (yet again), how about considering whether he deserved the tongue lashing you gave him for saying your cooking was great (but not so great it gave him orgasms)?

You behaved like a total dick last week, and you're still bring incredibly kind to yourself about an incident you should be ashamed of.

pictish · 14/03/2015 21:54

No...it certainly doesn't warrant a week long sulk. He is absolutely dreadful to keep it going like he has.

base9 · 14/03/2015 21:55

If your dh had thought to praise your hard work and model that appreciation for the children then you would not need to fish for compliments.

blueberrypie0112 · 14/03/2015 21:56

If you feel under appreciated, take it easy and do a 3/10 meal like the poster above wrote. Don't stress yourself over a meal.

CinderellaRockefeller · 14/03/2015 22:02

Your olive branch was to ask him to do more washing up? You are clearly someone who does a lot of cooking for pleasure, are you also the kind who uses a billion utensils and pots and then moans because you've done all the cooking and why should you do the washing up, when your partner is secretly thinking they would rather have had a ready meal, eaten it out of the plastic tub and only got a fork dirty?

The sulking could be awful, could be someone at the end of their tether who has just had enough of you.

Original poster
Demonchops · 14/03/2015 22:03

I was a dick I know that!

It's not like this the whole time at home - I'm a lovely nice person and the kids don't get exposed to this atmosphere that often at all...
I will stop seeking approvals and not bother so much with making a lovely
Meal and see how he likes it with 3/10meal

OP posts:
Ooooooooh · 14/03/2015 22:03

You've apologised for over reacting and clearly felt a bit sensitive due to pmt. However his week long sulk is totally unacceptable. In your shoes I'd stop cooking, ironing and washing for him (if you do). Go on strike. Tell him you have apologised and that was the end of the issue for you but you won't tolerate a grown man sulking like a moody child and he's setting a very poor example to the children.

Jackw · 14/03/2015 22:04

Bathtime funkster, you do seem to be be very angry with the OP. Do you think she deserves a week long sulk? Or a repeated kicking from you?

Bakeoffcake · 14/03/2015 22:07

I hate suckers, it brings the whole family down. Does he do this often?

kittybiscuits · 14/03/2015 22:08

I think the OP can probably guess bathtimefunkster's real identity!

WineListPlease · 14/03/2015 22:08

When you talk about wanting him to be a good role model to your children by showing them appropriate responses, I think you could probably do more yourself.

But sulking like he is, is knobbish behaviour.

Original poster
Demonchops · 14/03/2015 22:10

Yes bathtimeF is a bit harsh i agree-- but I have no idea who they are???

OP posts:
Bakeoffcake · 14/03/2015 22:11

I'd go and ask him how much longer he's going to sulk.

BathtimeFunkster · 14/03/2015 22:12

I don't think she deserves a thread full of people telling her how wonderful she is and how she basically did nothing wrong and it's all his fault.

She's looking for more 10/10s here. Some people are prepared to give them. I'm not.

Bakeoffcake · 14/03/2015 22:15

Have you actually read the thread BathTime? [Confused]

There are plenty of posters saying the OP was initially in the wrong.

Swipe left for the next trending thread