Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Someone talk to me am I slowly losing it

580 replies

Smallbear86 · 13/03/2015 14:01

Right I can out of a marriage two years ago for the last 18 months I've been with someone else.
He worked away the first eight months of that we did all the introductions slowly with our children blah blah he's been home a year now. My ex husband cheated I caught him and was left alone with three boys aged 8months to six years at the time.
My new man hasn't moved in but stays most of the week he brings his children here two Girls every other wkend he's still got a room at his moms which he pays £90 a week for he is on good money.
I do struggle for money I work part time but everyday and don't earn much my out goings are high. My partner stays a lot eats at mine his kids eat there too. I never really ask for any money and he never offers me any he's really tight with money. My ex pays a small amount of CSA but I asked current partner would he lend me ten pounds on Thursday to buy some shoes for my youngest son as his were ruined his reply was im not here to supply your child with shoes.
Last week my car was off the road he was off work I asked if he could take me to the school which is a few miles away to collect the boys he said I don't like your kids in my car they ruin my car this was because of one incident where my middle son got mud on his seat.
This really upset me I started to walk to the school to which he followed me and told me to get in the car and later said sorry but it was already said.
If I ask for money he moans his head goes in a sulk and doesn't speak for an hour then says sorry a few hours later and offers it but this is rare that I ask because I know how he will react.
He got me a dog a few months ago which I didn't really want but it was going to end up in shelter if I didn't take him and the dog has kind of all been left to me and he even moans about buying the dog food and asked me for half towards the dog bed it was his friends dog!
He shouts at me for trivial things like he moans of my house is messy or if I do anything wrong like make mistakes or just anything really he calls me stupid and if I dare to question him or stand up to him he says he's going home and walks out and goes back to the room at his moms.

I walk on egg shells I just wonder where it's going and what's going to happen I do love him he has some good ways most people do but I feel so unsupported i struggle to buy food and clothe the boys I do not expect him to clothe my sons or anything like that but a small contribution to the house would mean so much but I daren't ask him.

I get so upset at the hurtful remarks the put downs and then he acts nice again or somehow I've ended up saying sorry!

He puts on a nice guy act for others he's good looking and a charmer everyone says he's always smiling but Behind closed doors I see the real side which makes me feel crazy everyone else loves him.

I'm scared of bein alone he does not really go out drinking much and he's good in other ways but I don't think he accepts the children like he says he does he has little time for them and often shouts at my middle one as he says he's annoying but I'm nothing but good to his daughters who can be annoying also but that's kids for you.

I cry most days I thought we would of moved in by now or he would support me more emotionally and finically like I said he is on a good wage. Am I asking to much I've changed so much I'm not me anymore.

Please don't judge me.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 13/03/2015 14:06

I only have a minute, but please, text him this:
"this isn't working for me, so I don't want to see you again".
Please.
He sounds AWFUL.

Cabrinha · 13/03/2015 14:07

You'll cry a lot less if you do.

Balders74 · 13/03/2015 14:08

Oh lovely, it sounds awful. I think you need to start thinking about getting out of this relationship. There doesn't seem to be any positives to having this man in your life.

I have just come out of a walking on eggshells marriage & it is not good for you or your DC. They will see how this is getting you down.

I know how hard it is to end things but you deserve better Flowers

Minime85 · 13/03/2015 14:11

I agree with other posters I think he isn't the one for you. No one is perfect but he shouldn't talk about your children that way and he should be contributing to the house from what you've said as he is there a lot even if it's just buying some of the food etc.

AnyFucker · 13/03/2015 14:12

christ almighty, please get shut of this loser

he has no respect for you at all

your kids are getting some terrible lessons here

you would be better off alone, in all ways

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/03/2015 14:14

Tell him to FUCK OFF.
NOW.

He brings no benefits to your life, he is awful!

Caoimhe1922 · 13/03/2015 14:15

Oh leave him, please leave him.
He doesn't love you, he doesn't like your children. He is using you and at best financially abusing you.
Leave him.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 13/03/2015 14:18

He is a Taker and won't give anything back. He is using you.
There are worse things than not being in a relationship...like being in the relationship you are in here.
Sorry you are going through this. Flowers

cozietoesie · 13/03/2015 14:19

He is quite dreadful.

It sounds as if he's treating you as a cheap convenience and somewhere to bring his children every other weekend.

I'd finish with him directly. No-one should be crying 'most days'.

Oh - and no one here is judging you. Don't worry about that.

momtothree · 13/03/2015 14:20

Totally agree - user- you havent had time to be alone and be strong - my mom was a single mother to 4 of us and while we had nothing we were happy. Ask yourself this - would u let your daughter date him?? Is this the relationship you want for her? Please ring a friend and get a real opinion. Good luck. Lets us knoe.

Smallbear86 · 13/03/2015 14:28

Thankyou for your replies it's like he has some kind of hold on me he had the audacity to call me this morning saying his wages are done by a hundred pounds when I've hardly got a pot to piss in. I'm like the walking dead half the time he used to take me out that all stopped a few months ago he's got really comfy then he complains to me about money when he's got money he don't have to worry like I do from one week to the next.
Just dont know how u can treat someone you love this way I feel emotionally battered.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/03/2015 14:31

Easy - he doesn't love you. He's using you. You might love him (I hope you can change that) but he doesn't love you at all, or he would NOT treat you like this.

Pyjamaface · 13/03/2015 14:33

Exactly. You don't treat someone you love like that.

I'm sorry but he doesn't love you, you need to get rid and delete all contact. Nobody should stay in a relationship that makes them feel miserable

Lottapianos · 13/03/2015 14:35

'Easy - he doesn't love you. He's using you'

Brutal to hear, but very true. This man has no respect for you at all OP. You can do so much better than this. Crying every day, feeling like you're losing your mind? No, this is not love, and its not any sort of life either. You're not asking too much, you're asking for way too little.

Life will become so much more pleasant when he's not in it any more.

spad · 13/03/2015 14:38

Tell him to get lost. He sounds awful.

coalscuttle · 13/03/2015 14:38

He duesnt love anyone but himself. Please have nothing more to do with him, you sound lovely. You can't possibly be worse off emotionally, and certainly not financially, without him.

Rhihhare · 13/03/2015 14:40

Get rid, he's an abuser using you to make himself feel better about his own pathetic inadequacies.

You can do it now or waste decades of your life on him like I did mine. I suggest sending that text now. He's not your 'new man', no real man behaves like this.

SylvaniansAtEase · 13/03/2015 14:40

He's a using, nasty, selfish, TIGHT AS FUCK shitbag.

There is so much wrong here, but so little it needs to put it right.

'Please don't contact me again. This is not working for me.'

Please, PLEASE do this.

Your life is going down the pan, as you know - because of HIM.

Oh, and find a new home for the dog too.

Vivacia · 13/03/2015 14:41

He uses his mum and uses you. He's got it all nicely set up, hasn't he?

cozietoesie · 13/03/2015 14:43

And he actually shouts at you and the kids?

He needs to go. Right now.

Do you have any friends or family nearby who could support you and talk to you about this?

twirlypoo · 13/03/2015 14:45

Please tell him to leave,please.

It will be a hard leap of faith, but trust us all when we say you are SO much better off without him.

Your little family need you to do this for them, as well as for yourself. You will all be happier without him in your lives.

passthewineplz · 13/03/2015 14:46

You'll be fine on your own, and you'll feel so much better without this man in your life.

He has no respect for you, and the sulking and silent treatment is a form of bullying. If he stays with you at the weekend he needs to help you financially, as well as emotionally.

I think because you've not really had any time single between meeting this man, you'll benefit of having some time on your own. You need to get over your marriage breakup and heal from that.

It really is ok to be alone, I've been single nearly 3 years. I've had 2 log term relationships since my teens, and being single has been a shock to the system. But it's hell of a lot better than being treated like rubbish, and having no support from my ex partner.

Please leave this man, he brings no joy to your life. You deserve to be treated with respect and so does your children. It will be ok xx

AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/03/2015 14:50

You will no longer cry as much if you got this abusive man out of your life and your children also will be a lot happier. He has reduced you to this pitiful state by his actions and these men do not change. Infact men like this one hate women, all of them. He is using you and using his mother as well.

He targeted you OP. You were emotionally low and vulnerable after leaving a marriage and he went for you big time. You were completely suckered in by him.

Walking on eggshells really means living in fear. Do not let your fear of being alone keep you within this because your life is really going down the chute.

Get him out of your life and do not accept any promises from him to change. Use the police if he persists in harassing you once you are rid of him. I would also suggest you look at Womens Aid Freedom Programme and call them on 0808 2000 247.

cozietoesie · 13/03/2015 14:51

Finishing with him should actually be pretty straightforward in some ways - you have your own house and he has a place to go - so you just need to start by being able to send him that text/make that call telling him it's finished and not to come back - and then not to open the door when he does. (Because he won't want to give up an easy place to go.)

Do you feel up to doing that?

AlternativeTentacles · 13/03/2015 14:53

He is a user and abuser. Please get shot of this man.