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Original poster

Dads new girlfriend is younger then me!!!!

189 replies

KattyKatty1991 · 11/03/2015 16:18

My dad is 40 years old and his new girlfriend is 22! He has been with her for a few months and only told me about it a week ago. The problem is not only how young she is but the fact shes younger then me! im 24 (dad had me very young). To say im creeped out would be an understatement. My dad has been in a few relationships over the years but hasnt really found the right partner even though his last relationship on and off lasted 3 years. Seems like he's now going through his midlife crisis. :( Should i tell him to leave her

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 11/03/2015 16:20

It's a bit gross, but just bide your time and he'll probably get bored of her quite quickly (or vice versa). It's not up to you to "tell" him (or anyone else) to get rid of a partner because of how they make you feel.

BOFster · 11/03/2015 16:23

You can't tell him anything really- they are grown adults. You don't have to approve, you can say how you feel, but you absolutely can't issue any ultimatums or poke your nose in further than that. I assume you are living independently and don't have to share a home with with her? Even in those circumstances, to be honest, the onus would really be on you to move out.

It obviously isn't easy for you, but the best advice is probably to keep your head down, your beak out, and hope the thing fizzles out of its own accord while you get on with your own life.

AuntieStella · 11/03/2015 16:24

No, you cannot tell him to leave her. Your DF is a grown up and allowed to choose his own friends and partners.

You are however allowed to tease him mercilessly.

thecatneuterer · 11/03/2015 16:25

Should I tell him to leave her?

Seriously? It's absolutely none of your business. If he's happy (or even if he's not) that's down to him. It's his relationship and his choice to make. Not liking the idea of it is entirely your problem and it would be wise to keep your thoughts to yourself.

Fudgeface123 · 11/03/2015 16:27

What right do you have to tell your father to leave her, it's none of your business

Original poster
KattyKatty1991 · 11/03/2015 16:33

Wow! You lot have really missed the point havent you. My stepmum is now younger then me!! I dont live with them but we all went out last saturday and it was weird watching my father show affection to a girl younger then me. There was a lot people rolling eyebrows around us as well. Its just really creepy and im going to defitnley have a word with him about it.

OP posts:
ouryve · 11/03/2015 16:35

I understand the situation feels rather awkward, but you have no right to tell your dad who he can and can't have a relationship with.

KellyElly · 11/03/2015 16:37

Totally understandable how you feel, but you can't tell him to leave her, well you can but be prepared for him not to listen. Imagine if you had a partner and your dad told you to leave him. You'd tell him to mind his own business probably.

hellsbellsmelons · 11/03/2015 16:38

I don't think you can 'have a word with him' about it.
You can tell him how you feel and how being out with them makes you feel. You can explain that you won't be joining them out in public again because of how others react.
And then leave it at that.
They are both adults. The age gap is big but there are far bigger out there.
I can only imagine how it makes you feel but you can't interfere here.

PollyCazaletWannabe · 11/03/2015 16:39

My DP is 18 years older than me. He doesn't have any children but he does have a niece and nephew; his niece is only 2 years younger than me. The whole family have been nothing but welcoming towards me, because they can see that we love each other. I can see that it must be difficult for you, but you don't have to see her as a 'stepmum' surely- she's just a new addition to the family. My relationship with my DP's niece is like a friendship. Could you try to just be friends with this woman?

Purplehonesty · 11/03/2015 16:40

Well for one she isn't your stepmother if they have been together only a short time. And secondly leave your dad alone and let him be happy if this is what he wants!
Nobody has missed the point; they are grownups as are you so no you can't tell them what to do, nor should you.

Doilooklikeatourist · 11/03/2015 16:40

My dads 2nd wife is 20 years younger than him and only 6 years older than me ( not the same , I know )
Yes , it's awkward , but it's not up to you to tell him what he can and can't do

Duckdeamon · 11/03/2015 16:41

That is pretty creepy on your dads part, yuck.

Nirvisna · 11/03/2015 16:42

There are 20 years between my DP and I. If his grown up children felt this way I'd be devastated. If she makes him happy it's none of your business to tell him to leave her, just because you don't like it.

HootyMcTooty · 11/03/2015 16:44

I can understand your horror, I'm in a similar situation myself, although DF and I are not close at all, but I don't think you have a right to dictate who he has a relationship with. I think it's ok to be honest and tell him how creeped out you are by it, but realistically approaching any conversation with him in which you're hoping for him to take on board your feelings is likely to result in upset and disappointment to you.

She's not your step mum, she's your dad's girlfriend.

PatriciaHolm · 11/03/2015 16:45

She's not your stepmum and its nothing to do with you.

Welcome to Mumsnet, by the way.

DinoMight · 11/03/2015 16:51

So what if she's younger thAn you? - Forty really isn't that old you know, and 22 whilst young is not a child.

You're going to look a bit silly if you start laying down the law.

and LOL at rolling eyebrows around that did make me chuckle, thanks.

Ludways · 11/03/2015 16:53

They're both adults, I don't see the problem, he isn't showing affection to a child. I have friends who are a couple with 18 years between them, they're perfectly suited.

newgirl123 · 11/03/2015 16:56

It would freak me out too!

I think all you can do is choose to spend less time with him and if he asks why then you get the chance to say you feel uncomfortable.

Ideally you wouldn't mind but I think that is asking a lot in this case.

HootyMcTooty · 11/03/2015 16:56

Ludways I've no problem with age gaps, but when your DF starts a relationship with someone younger than you, it's a bit different than if it's just friends. There is something quite stomach-churning about it, but ultimately it is his business who he has a relationship.

Fudgeface123 · 11/03/2015 16:56

Please do come back and tell us what he says once you've 'had a word with him'.

VivaLeBeaver · 11/03/2015 16:59

My stepmum is younger than my husband. While I did find it a bit odd that my dad married someone 20 years younger than him she made him very happy.

SisterMoonshine · 11/03/2015 17:07

I wouldn't like it either. But there's not really a lot you can say. He does already know.
He was young when you were born. Did he step up to the mark as a dad to you when you were growing up? If so: re-living lost youth a bit?

Original poster
KattyKatty1991 · 11/03/2015 17:08

Im not only creeped out but im worried that shes using dad. What would a 22 year old girl with her whole life ahead of her see in a 40 year old. His life basically is waking up, going to work, watching tv and then going to sleep. He rarely goes out so what does she see in him. They dont even have similar interests.

OP posts:
Original poster
KattyKatty1991 · 11/03/2015 17:11

SisterMoonshine Yes he was always there for me and still is. Keeps in regular contact and always ask if I need anything but he's deifntley not reliving lost youth.

OP posts:
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