Dads new girlfriend is younger then me!!!!

[KattyKatty1991]

My dad is 40 years old and his new girlfriend is 22! He has been with her for a few months and only told me about it a week ago. The problem is not only how young she is but the fact shes younger then me! im 24 (dad had me very young). To say im creeped out would be an understatement. My dad has been in a few relationships over the years but hasnt really found the right partner even though his last relationship on and off lasted 3 years. Seems like he's now going through his midlife crisis. :( Should i tell him to leave her

I don't think the OP has to like it, just not to say anything and to give her dad some respect. If my mum dated someone 20 year older than her, would I have any right to tell her I thought it was gross and disgusting she was seeing someone old enough to be my grandfather and she has to desist because I say so? I get that people have a knee jerk ick reaction, but they should examine those abs realise that there are plenty of totally non-creepy relationships with big age gaps that are healthy and just as legitimate as their own relationship choices. People should worry about their own lives.

Men in their 40's who try and get 20 year old women to go out with them, are looking for someone without the experience and knowledge to demand to be treated as an equal, and not let them away with any bullshit.

Yup, I'd go out with a 20 year old man, if he was the right man. I'm not ageist. My husband is three years older than me so very conventional but I'd have wanted him if he was 20 years older or 20 years younger.

TheAwfulDaughter When I was in my 20s, I would never have wanted to have a sexual/romantic relationship, or even hang out with someone in their 40s. Now that I am in my 40s, I feel the same way about people in their 20s, but here is the thing: what I think or feel or would do, and what you think or feel or would do is not a universal truth. Other people are other people, and some people feel different.

Really there are worse things in this world than two adults having a relationship. In the absence of any evidence, all this talk about creepiness or hints at abusiveness, is just unpleasant judging and curtain-twitching. The OP is perfectly entitled to feel weird and unhappy about it, a lot of people would but her dad is not doing anything wrong.

As a 22 year old I was certainly mature enough for a 40 year old. I was a qualified doctor, financially independent, car owner and living on my own for four years by then. People mature at vastly different rates.

If my dad went out with anyone but my mother, I'd feel weird about it. But her age wouldn't be an issue, mostly the fact that she was a woman other than my mother!

I don't think it's at all true that lots of people in their 20s view 40 as "old". Lots of my friends fancied older men when I was 20ish and I've always been attracted to men younger than me (I'm 35 this year but the thought of dating someone my own age fills me with horror- I just never fancy anyone over 25. Which is ridiculous but there you have it... Thankfully dh is younger than me and I love him for who he is and he is stuck with me now so we will grow old disgracefully together).

I think thankfully the human species is pretty diverse. There's someone for everyone no matter who you fancy or what type you go for.

TheAwfulDaughter you say 40 seems old to you, but here's something that happens to a lot of people; 20 years whizz by, and every time you look in the mirror you are confused/surprised by the older person looking back at you. It's hard to explain, but I am 42 and I can't believe I am 42 sometimes. Not in an ageist way - I am not averse to ageing at all and don't mind getting wrinkles etc. But I don't think I'll ever feel like a proper grown up as such. Another similar experience is when a woman first arrives home with her newborn baby and suddenly thinks: "Oh my god! I am in charge of another human being!" which can be terrifying no matter what age you are.

I forget I'm 42 sometimes. I mean sometimes I can't believe it takes me more than half a day to get over with a hangover - until I remember, oh that's right, my body is a lot older now. Or, I wonder why I sometimes I need an afternoon nap...oh yes, just like my dad used to. Or why that 20 year old is not talking to me in the playful way they talk to the others - because they are respecting me as an older person!

I'm 50 dating a 40 year old. You think your Dad is as dull as ditchwater but maybe he's like my new toy boy - a real stud in bed {traumatises poor OP}

Cakedup are you me?!

Totally agree with Hooty. It is stomach turning stuff thinking about your father looking at women your own age or YOUNGER in a sexual way. But doesn't mean she should make a scene about it. I would just try to avoid seeing them together as much as possible.

So what if she is younger than you , I doubt he walked up to her & asked her age n said 'oooh I'll have you because your xx age'

They could genuinely like each other and not give a toss about their age difference

It's a bit unusual but you'll have to suck it up in silence. People do generally find it difficult if their parent dates someone who's younger than their own child.

Oh I find this so funny! I have a fairly large age gap with my DH. (16 years) Seriously, no-one even notices. (probably because I boss him around dreadfully so they can't argue 'father figure') 40 is hardly 'old' anyway. Sometimes I tease DH about how he was having sex before I was even born though.

One of the closest couples I know has nearly 40 year age gap- yep you heard that right. The wife is the same age as one of the husband's grandchildren! They have been together a decade, are totally loved-up. One time I asked her what his family thought and she said they thought it was wierd and she was a gold-digger- until they met her. They are so perfect together it is insane.

Age really is just a number. The only issue with big age gaps is that all things being equal you have to be prepared to be a young widow. That can be hard to come to terms with, but no-one knows what life has set in store for you anyway.

For balance, I have never faniced anyone more than about 2 years older than me, and would not have gone near a 40yo when I was in my 20s.

I also would consider dating a 20something year old now, when I am in my 40s BUT I would accept that this was very unusual and there would be raised eyebrows and some people might want to have "helpful" conversations with me about it.

Also for OP this is her dad, he's dating someone younger than her, it's not weird or odd or ageist or anything that this feels icky for her, It would feel icky for me if one of my parents started seeing someone younger than me. That's just a sort of standard reaction isn't it, it's not like she's talking about 2 people at work or something.

I think she is getting a hard time here being told by so many that her feelings about this are wrong. You can't help the way you feel and especially with family. Those who say it has nothing to do with her - well no not in the sense that it's her decision but it is t do with her isn't it, families are usually involved with each other and their lives and stuff. Is the suggestion that she emotionally disengage entirely from her dad? Because that feels like a really strong statement.

It often turns out that I'm older than the mothers of the men I date

But though really, I can't see the relevance of the age of your adult children to the age of your dates. An 18 year age difference is ok if you never reproduced but is 'creepy' if you did. Ridiculous.

Bradley Cooper
Tobey Maguire
David Beckham
Will.I.am
Yup, ancient

All 40, I meant to say. Just beak out and be pleased he's happy.

I suppose there are couples like Peter Andre and his fiancée Emily - he's over 40 and she's 24, I thought it wouldn't last but they've got a baby now.

Also one of my friend's dads married a 30 yr old when he was 60!! They had a baby too. My friend was NOT happy.

When I was in my 20s I sometimes fancied older men, but I generally dated men the same age or younger.

Now i'm 38 and I find that some men aged 40 and over tend to have a 'thing' about their age (mid life crisis?) which is not very attractive. So I prefer younger men - but not a LOT younger, still in their 30s.

I think the difference with Peter and Emily is that Peter's existing kids were still littlies - not older than Emily!

"Wow! You lot have really missed the point havent you. My stepmum is now younger then me!! "

Are you perhaps worried that she might start trying to tell you what to do, like, "I think you've had enough to drink young lady!"

If so, then I can see why this would be a concern.

I think that no matter how you feel about this, it would be very wise not to say anything damning about the relationship to your dad. It will either peter out in due course or she will become a longer-term fixture. In either case, if you keep your thoughts to yourself, you will have a much better relationship with your father (by not making bad blood over what turns out to be a short-lived relationship or about what turns out to be an important relationship in your dad's life).