Dads new girlfriend is younger then me!!!!

[KattyKatty1991]

My dad is 40 years old and his new girlfriend is 22! He has been with her for a few months and only told me about it a week ago. The problem is not only how young she is but the fact shes younger then me! im 24 (dad had me very young). To say im creeped out would be an understatement. My dad has been in a few relationships over the years but hasnt really found the right partner even though his last relationship on and off lasted 3 years. Seems like he's now going through his midlife crisis. :( Should i tell him to leave her

If I was relating to the OP's father as an autonomous adult, I would tell him he is a creep. I don't recommend actually doing that though.

I've said this before, but as a man in his forties I think it's creepy to lust after much younger women. Nothing you can do about it though, it's HIS mid life crisis.

Wow I'm actually astounded , OP your not a child so stop acting like it your father can date anybody he wants and you have no right to dictate to him just because you feel uncomfortable , so what if their is an age difference it doesn't make your father a bad person so but out !

Yes I'm speaking from experience as my now step Dd tried for years to split me and her dad up because of our age difference she is a tiny bit younger than me and my Dp is 29 years older , she nearly lost her Dad because of her bratty behaviour .

I'm in a similar situation. My dad is seeing someone who's almost 30 years younger than him, and only a few years older than my sister and I. I do find it icky but I haven't said anything because he's a grown adult and it's his life. Although I don't think I'd mind so much if they were actually compatible, they don't have anything in common, their interests and personalities are completely mismatched. It seems very obvious to me that she's just enjoying his money and he's enjoying being with a younger woman, but as cliched-mid-life-crisis as it is its their life and not really any of my business.

You description of a decrepit 40 yr old man is very funny, op.

But yes, I would feel a bit eww, about this, and indeed I did when my dad, when I guess he was about 70, was shagging a 40 yr old.

Eeeww.

But there's nothing you can say or do. Just look away ;)

I'm 47 and really really hacked off with some of the comments on this thread. I thought it was older people who were supposed to be small minded but it seems that it's the younger MNers who are very judgemental and short sighted. Maybe because they have less life experience

Your dad is still quite young really although I'm sure he seems old to you.
You have no right at all to "tell him to leave her" he is a grown man!
There is a massive stereotype that younger women are only after the older guys money and its shit tbh. I've always had relationships with older men, some have money, some don't. The older man generally is more settled, more interesting and better in bed. They usually aren't so insecure and their kids have grown up. Yabvvu although I get that it grosses you out, you should be happy for him and if it all goes tits up then it goes tits up as any relationship can.

Lots of silly replies on here about the OP being ageist. It's not about the age gap or about the dad's age. It's about the fact that he's dating someone younger than his daughter. If dad was 50 and girlfriend was 32 the OP wouldn't be mentioning it.

I am in my 40's. A man going out with a woman who is 20 years old, is in a relationship with an obvious power differential. It is because I am older I can see how creepy this is. And of course his daughter is not going to be happy about her dad going out with a woman younger than she is.
But she can't do anything about it.

Some years ago, my dad partnered up with a girl younger than my younger sister. I was 35, my sister 30, my dad 66 and the girlfriend 26.

My dad was a bit apprehensive about us meeting her, but I put him at ease, slightly taking the higher ground as my dad had been nothing but disapproving of my boyfriends. Let me show him by example, how it should be done, I thought.

7 years later, they're still together. What does she see in him/what does your dad see in his girlfriend? Well there could be lots of reasons really. My dad's girlfriend lost her dad in a car accident when she was 6, and was so traumatised she didn't speak for a whole year. My dad is very much a 'father figure' type - to lots of people.

I'm not exactly 'pals' with her, we have nothing in common but we get on alright. I know she looks after him when he is ill and that's a great comfort as I can't always be there.

But most of all, I don't really give it much thought because I'm too busy with my own problems to be worrying about why my dad has got a younger girlfriend!

You say your dad had you at 16 and has been a great dad to you for 24 years. You really should be more supportive of him op.

Should I tell him to leave her?

I have a friend aged 41 who has a 23 year old girlfriend. They have been seeing each other for 2 years now and they are planning a future together. He had never met the right person before and she very mature. It's not creepy in the slightest! I'm very glad he doesn't have a judgmental daughter to ruin his happiness.

How would you feel if your dad objected to your choice of partner?

I totally sympathise, but don't think you can really say anything. I suppose you could say that the situation 'makes you rather uncomfortable and might take some getting used to', but really telling him how revolting you find it would be unwise.

I suspect it feels worse when it is the parent of opposite gender doing it as - somehow - it is as if they might have fancied your friends (or even you?). If it was your mother probably not so bad. And imagine equally awful for a boy whose mother ends up with a man his age or younger.

My Dad went out with a much younger woman for several years (he was 53 and she was 20 when they got together), they actually had a lot in common. They travelled the world together and only broke up when he retired early and she realised she was only starting out in her career and also wanted children.

He was University Lecturer and she a former student, he didn't groom her, he really isn't wealthy and would make anyone pay their way, she paid for her own flights, half of hotel etc. (he wouldn't even buy me lunch, he would expect me to pay my part of the bill).

I wasnt that shocked when he got with her, my sister was. I met her and got on with her, hosted them for holidays and had a reasonable relationship with my Dad as a result.

Your Dad is an adult, do you feel creeped out imagining the intimacy if was seeing a 30 year old or a 39 year old? Probably yes, stop imagining them having sex. Let him get with on with, if they last then get to know her? Pocketsaviour is bang on the money when she says that part of growing is realising that your parents are people in their own right.

I am 40, its still quite young, I would be hurt by the thought that someone would be grossed out/creeped out by me having sex! However I would expect my children to be and fully expect them to imagine we only did that one time to conceive them!

My friend is 46, her boyfriend (for want of a better word) of 5 years is now 64. His children are 48 and 50. However, they met when they were both older. His kids think she's too young.

This is your Dad's girlfriend of a few months, not your stepmother. I can understand it's a bit of a shock for you if she's younger than you, but it really has nothing to do with you who he is in a relationship with. Maybe his girlfriend finds men her own age boring?

I've a former friend who has been in a LTR with a man 22 years her senior for 20 years.

I'm 35 and would happily go out with a man in his 50s if he was bloody wonderful.

My husband might not like it though

35 and 50's is fine Apatite. Would you in your 40's go out with a 20 year old man that was younger than your own son though?

If you have a word with him about it, be prepared to hear things you don't want to hear.

It really is none of your business! He isn't doing anything illegal!

Can't people just be happy?

A big part of the reason that she is younger than the OP is that the OP's father had her at an exceptionally young and quite unusual age. If it weren't for the unusually small age gap between OP and her dad, the dad's girlfriend wouldn't be younger than her.

Aside from anything else, 40 isn't even old!

If this were a older woman she'd be getting called a cougar no doubt!

I think a lot of posters are missing the point. It's not about the age gap or her age, as such, it's the fact that she's younger than his daughter.

As I said upthread, I'm in a similar situation and I don't like it, I have no intention of saying anything as it's none of my business. However, I don't have to like the fact that my father finds women my age attractive and one can't help thinking "god does he look at my friends like that?". I certainly would go to great lengths to ensure that he didn't come on to any of my friends, that would be mortifying (for them and me)!

In my situation it doesn't help that they live in different countries, don't speak the same language and have a very obvious wealth differential. I've recommended caution for that reason, but not once have I mentioned the age of the woman, doesn't mean I have to like it - nor does OP!

Agree with Hooty.

It's not about 40 year old men with younger women in general, it's about her Dad.

Still, the op would be advised to just accept it.

40 is not old! I am 40 and still feel 25 - i honestly don't see myself differently to someone in their 20s or 30s and i suspect your dad feels the same. Plenty of 40 year old men have newborn babies - your age shouldn't come into it.

nightswift - But you are different to someone who is 20 years old. You have a wealth of experience that a 20 year old does not have.