please give me the strength to leave him...

[bobbyelle17]

my boyfriend treats me ( I think but maybe I'm overreacting ) really badly he upsets me most days but still I'm with him hanging on for the days hes nice, which there are a few but I cant seem to find the strength to leave him as I do love him
I dont really know what I'm looking for on here as I know everyone will say leave him just like that but its hard so just someone to talk to I guess
any advice would be great thanks

What is the house and job situation?

You can just go you know, you don't need to have a reason for wanting to be NOT in a relationship wit him.

Do you really love him, or do you love an idea of what he might be if only he wasn't an arsehole?

I love the nice him so much and it confuses me why he acts so mean sometimes fuelled by nothing....we dont live together

The mean bit is the real him, it is the nice him that is the act [it keeps you hanging on, doesn't it?]

If 'nice' is as good as it gets, get out now. You're living in hope that tomorrow will be a nice day, that's no way to live.

I guess so :( I put in soooo much effort to make him happy and I can't even get a hug back
for example last night I treated us both to a chinese and he sat there eating it ignoring me as he was online betting on the football on his phone
I later asked for a kiss and he told me I was clingy and suffocating him :(

All, that's nice.

I can see why you stay.

what???

You will find someone else to love. Someone who will love you and respect you and put you first.

You are worth more.

How long have you been together?

Wasting time on him will undermine your confidence, make you question your worth and stop you meeting someone who loves you and treats you with respect. It will hurt to begin with, but wether you spend some time alone or meet someone else, you will look back and realise how one sided this relationship was.

we have been together nearly 2 years
I just don't get it he acts so uncaring and then if I go quiet and back off he is all like I love you gorgeous etc.
he doesnt think im gorgeous the affection is all one way

hes taken away all my confidence already I feel worth nothing not even a hug when I do so much to please him

If your friend told you this was happening to her, would you advise her to stay in the relationship?

what???

Sarcasm.

He is like this two years in. If you feel worth nothing, in this relationship, then end the relationship.

There are no simpler ways of telling you this.

no id tell her to leave him but its much harder to do myself I love him for the nice bits and wish there were more of them or that he cared how I am feeling

So you don't live together, do you have kids?

Can anyone link to the thread where the lady is in a similar situation (think its something like 'fed up with the snapping etc' ? I'm on phone so can't (luddite) it might help her

Advice on another thread was that you should leave and stop being 'wet' and a 'coward'. If you are unhappy then you deserve better. I'm just giving you the heads up incase people come on and call you names.
Good luck

No king that wasn't the thread I was referring to. I didn't like the 'wet' thread much! I will fire up the pc and see if I can link

thank you I wouldnt describe myself as we just very low confidence and confused

I think you need to highlight the negatives, rather than his positives. He treats you appallingly because he can. I am a firm believer in you teach people how to treat you. He knows he can belittle you and so far you have stayed.

In a way you are lucky you don't live together or have children together. It will be easier.

My Mum's friend had a marriage like this, she saw a counsellor and he suggested she right a list of the nice stuff and the horrible stuff. She wrote 4 items in the nice stuff column and filled an entire side of A4 paper with the negative. She stopped at that point although she could have gone on, that was her deciding moment. She had two children with him too so not as easy to just say, no this doesn't work for me anymore. Maybe you can do the same list.

You are worth more than this, if he tells you that you are crap why oh why is he still with you? Because you are his emotional punching bag. Delete his number and find someone who actually likes you.

This is what he's like 2 years in. If you accept it and live in hope that he will magically, once day, not be an arsehole to you ever again, then you have more years of misery ahead. The only problem is that it never will get better and will more likely get worse, by which point you will feel even lower and more miserable and your self-worth will be further eroded.

You really can do better for yourself. After 2 years, you should still be at the point where it's fun, or eagerly anticipating a relationship growing into something more. Either way, you should set each other's heart on fire.

This is neither. At best, when he can be bothered, it's "nice". There is no happy ever after in store.

I'm not allowed emotions at all I don't know why and that hurts the most I'm not allowed to be sad/hurt/angry/worried or stressed as he just says I'm too sensitive/ over reacting I'm starting to feel like its one of the worst things you can do to a person not allow them to have feelings but maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself and moaning like he says?

What age are you both?

You don't have children. You don't live together.

You have a luxury available to you that most posters here don't have. The trial separation. You could choose not to see him for a couple of weeks. Plan lots of stuff with your mates and don't contact him. See how you feel.