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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

seen on boyfriends phone....gutted advice pls...

162 replies

wishididntcare · 01/03/2015 15:22

I went out for the day yesterday with my boyf and when he was trying to show me something on his phone he accidentally pulled down the top notification bar and on that screen were a few notifications from something called adultplay....he quickly shut it and then was all cuddly with me
anyway ive googled adultplay and its a dating website so ive been on and there is a profile I think is him as there's no photo but same name/age/town etc .....
I don't know what to do now....

OP posts:
wishididntcare · 02/03/2015 00:11

thank you...if he had said she had my photo and just that I would have believed him probably but still not been bothered cos who cares! shes checking out her competition I guess so let her get on with it...The fact he said she also has mine n my mates mobile numbers when they aren't on fb makes me think the whole thing is a pack of lies....
what strange behaviour tho that he's sat n thought all that up took screen shots of photos pretending she's sent them ... its a bit creepy tbh if he is lying

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becoolandcalm · 02/03/2015 00:12

Sometimes on the adult sites its possible to search by area and then new users via a drop down list or even get an idea this way how long the profile has been on for. Just a thought.

pleasingshape · 02/03/2015 03:33

Wonder why he thinks his ex will 'cause trouble'? How? By telling you about something he doesn't want you to know, perhaps?

Ok, suspicious mind, but I'm getting old and am entitled to such things by now ;)
Seriously. The only way is to go on the site and ask him for a pic, be all flirty and coy. Damn, send me his profile and I'll do it for you :D

Jengnr · 02/03/2015 03:53

How would his ex cause trouble anyway? What trouble could she cause? It's ridiculous.

TheChickenSituation · 02/03/2015 04:09

Let me guess. The person who he judges for 'sleeping about', and who therefore has no 'self-respect' is a woman?

Branleuse · 02/03/2015 06:45

hes got a problem with you being on Facebook?

pilates · 02/03/2015 07:31

Ask to see the message his ex sent when you next see him, I bet he will find some reason not to show you. It's not all adding up. He sounds weird.

JegErEnStorNerd · 02/03/2015 07:32

his x could cause "trouble" by revealing something she knows. Like, he was also seeing Debbie, Amanda, Pamela and Sue when he met you". Summit like that.

MadeMan · 02/03/2015 07:56

"Debbie, Amanda, Pamela and Sue when he met you". Summit like that."

It's like that Beautiful South record.

wishididntcare · 02/03/2015 08:27

@chickensituation....yes the person he looks down on for sleeping around is a woman
this his ex has my photos number etc thing has boggled my head more than the profile being online as it feels hes made it up to have something to be cross at me about!

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AnyFucker · 02/03/2015 08:42

classic deflection and a stupid one at that. Who gives a fuck who has whose photo and tel no....these are all in the public domain somewhere

you are a fool to let it sideline your concerns about him using a hook up site

wishididntcare · 02/03/2015 08:45

I'm not saying its sidelined my concerns at all im just saying I'm more shocked he has thought up/ lied about all that fb crap if it is a lie coz its like mind games....I dont know what to believe anymore :(

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AnyFucker · 02/03/2015 08:55

He has been successful at bamboozling you

10/10 for the fuckwit

wishididntcare · 02/03/2015 08:58

You're right he has....maybe I'm stupid! :(

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Vivacia · 02/03/2015 09:01

You're not stupid for "falling for it". It's exactly what his actions are designed to do.

You're not stupid because you've listened to intuition and then you've asked others (outside of his influence) for their thoughts.

You're not stupid, because you're not going to go along with his misdirection.

AnyFucker · 02/03/2015 09:12

so, what you need to do is tell him to STFU about his ex's behaviour and start explaining his own

and if he doesn't....well, there you have your answer

BitOutOfPractice · 02/03/2015 09:23

Christ what a headfuck. He's panicking wish and trying to deflect you.

wishididntcare · 02/03/2015 09:27

Thank you it just creeps me out someone can be that conniving....The stress of all this is making me Ill I'm not eating or sleeping and have dropped a whole dress size in the past 2 weeks
its been very helpful being able to chat on here tho

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Sickoffrozen · 02/03/2015 09:30

You are only stupid if you ignore the warning and stay with him. Is he really worth it? After 18m I know what I would be doing. You are setting yourself up for a life of misery if you stay with him.

AnyFucker · 02/03/2015 09:32

You are right, he is a creep

you don't need a boyfriend who is a creep

take note of this massive waving red flag and dump him

save yourself

Branleuse · 02/03/2015 09:58

He is definitely being creepy and weird about it.

Good job youre seeing through it x

BuzzardBird · 02/03/2015 10:02

I repeat what I said up ^ there. Come on OP, you can see it now?

It's shit, but youwill be better off without the risk of contracting STDs from this creep.

pocketsaviour · 02/03/2015 10:07

Honey trap is a bit Hmm - I would just tell him this is bothering you and you'd like him to log into the account right now and hand you his phone/laptop so you can see that the account is not active.

Wait sorry I've just seen that he denied having a profile and is claiming that "it came from a pop up". Oh dear. So not even a good liar then? I think you'll just have to bin him off.

pocketsaviour · 02/03/2015 10:16

Just realised there were three more pages to read before I posted a bit prematurely. I dont' really understand where he's going with the FB thing but again I'd ask him to immediately show you the supposed email from his ex and if he doesn't... then you know it doesn't exist.

All things considered I think you're going to have to sack him off, sorry OP.

wishididntcare · 02/03/2015 10:43

This is crazy making :(

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