Unwanted advance made by a dad on the school run

[urbanIsland]

I talk to my son's(5 years old) best friend's parents often on the walk to school. Today the father asked if I would like to meet them for coffee after dropping them off. i said yes but when I got to Costa with my baby in the pram there was only him there. I asked where his wife was he said that she was not coming and he had a present for me but I could not tell his wife about it. I was now in catatonic shock as he handed the present to me. I managed to say I am going and just left. I didn't throw the present at him, I realised to my horror when I got home that I had it in my hand.

I do not know what to do now, I wanted my son and theirs to go to each others houses and play together etc and enjoyed talking to both parents on the school walk. The mother will surely think that I did something to prompt this advance if I tell her and I need to clearly get it through to him that he is completely wrong and never to do anything like that again.

Any ideas how best to fix this without losing my son's best friend?

Maybe he gave her a baby gift and is now wondering if she took it the wrong way!!
, Open it !!!!

Actually, on a serious note...OP it seems the phrase 'don't tell my wife' was the bit that has affected you really badly. Then you later say 'Why have I suddenly been put in a position where I can't tell a person who was becoming my friend something'.

urbanisland you haven't been put into any such position. He should not have said that, and asking you to keep something from his wife is obviously a very bad thing. HIS very bad thing, not yours! You can still tell his wife anything and there is no reflection on you. He cannot stop you from telling her anything or continuing a friendship with her.
I think it is possible that you have been asked to keep secrets before, urban, and your level of distress is because this incident tapped into those feelings from the past and brought all kinds of feelings to the fore, and feeling 'catatonic' would be a common reaction under such circumstances. Especially if you haven't worked through your feelings about the past with a counsellor fully, and so they are buried and you are trying to hide from them.
If this is the case, I am so sorry that something bad has happened to you in the past. Please tell someone about it in confidence and see a counsellor so that you can be in control of your thoughts and feelings. If I am right, you were not to blame in any way for someone else abusing or bullying you and/or asking you to keep something a secret.

AF, you nailed it!

Well, 'school run' is done, the OP has not returned...I am 'catatonically' shocked

Counselling is certainly the way to go. Cognitive Unwrapping Therapy is the first avenue I would explore.

If OP is genuine,she hasn't returned because she opened the present,found a baby blanket and now knows what a muppet she would've looked :D

You all sound a bit nasty and in need of counselling yourselves as in "I do not need to make others feel bad to prove I am clever and boost my self esteem" If the OP is genuine she'll never come back.

We're not nasty PP.... The OP is obviously having some kind of deeply personal 'catatonic' crisis about having a cup of coffee with a married man who gives her a (as yet unidentified) gift and asks her to keep schtum to the missus. In the absence of any more information, and what with this being a public message board, speculation and black humour are inevitable.

Open the gift, open the gift, open the gift....

OP - opening that gift is the best way to gauge his intentions. You can return it, to him or his wife if you deem it to be inappropriate.

Steam the present open. If its a knitted gimp mask then you can carefully reseal it and give it back unless you like it then keep it

If its a baby blanket or baby clothes then thank his wife for the present next time you see her.

Sorted either way.

The OP was clearly upset and the thread has become black humour and speculation at her expense.

Why should she come back to post on this?

Mumsnet at its best

That's just too public; too risky.

Well it depends what the gift is doesn't it.

What I've learnt from this thread is that if you want people to keep posting you need an unresolved mystery... what's in the present/who is Sharon/what happened next?

I'm intrigued as to AnyFucker's take on it... Is there a certain unexpected Queenly presence on the thread??

Ha ha, no molly it was just something we were both trying to copy from another person and we kept getting it wrong. No Queens were involved during the making of the thread AFAIK

Joysmum I think you're way over egging this pudding. Subsequent posts from OP did not sound terribly upset and most of the replies have been humourous rather than nasty.

No doubt OP will be back when she has time and isn't sitting in a corner sobbing at the idea she has unwittingly accepted the present of a knitted gimp mask from her (previously) anonymous suitor.

Oh dear a few mean comments as usual.

urbanIsland I hope you are ignoring any that are not helpful.

Ah, sorry, Buzzard, thought it sounded odd

I do detect on mumsnet sometimes quite a lot of mean comments towards some posters and not believing is not supportive (mumsnet is for support).

Kew I thought your advice was spot on! I would be steaming open the gift very quickly.

By towards some posters I mean actually on some threads.

Would a knitted gimp mask just be a balaclava?

Oh come ooooon, pps! What married man with kids buys a woman who he finds beautiful a baby blanket and goes to the trouble of wrapping it up? Seriously? Of course he's trying his luck. He invited her to coffee with 'them' and then when she gets there the wife suddenly isn't able to make it. Riiiight.

OP, I'm sorry some people have given you a hard time.

The knitted gimp mask comment was funny though!

Wasn't Cerys Matthews in Catatonic? She had a lovely voice. She works on the radio now.

Who said we don't believe her? The biggest potential 'red flags' were that he said she was beautiful and he said not to tell the missus about the mystery parcel. So I think we all believe her, but her 'catatonic' reaction seems totally over the top for something that could have been dealt with with a few sharp words. The unopened parcel is resulting in some creative speculation.

Maybe we could come up with some creative put downs for what to say in response to married men that dish out unwanted coffee, compliments and cadeaux?

"Wasn't Cerys Matthews in Catatonic?"

Yeah, I think she was in that Celebrity Carry On Up the Jungle as well.

Catatonia....