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Original poster

Unwanted advance made by a dad on the school run

216 replies

urbanIsland · 24/02/2015 11:40

I talk to my son's(5 years old) best friend's parents often on the walk to school. Today the father asked if I would like to meet them for coffee after dropping them off. i said yes but when I got to Costa with my baby in the pram there was only him there. I asked where his wife was he said that she was not coming and he had a present for me but I could not tell his wife about it. I was now in catatonic shock as he handed the present to me. I managed to say I am going and just left. I didn't throw the present at him, I realised to my horror when I got home that I had it in my hand.

I do not know what to do now, I wanted my son and theirs to go to each others houses and play together etc and enjoyed talking to both parents on the school walk. The mother will surely think that I did something to prompt this advance if I tell her and I need to clearly get it through to him that he is completely wrong and never to do anything like that again.

Any ideas how best to fix this without losing my son's best friend?

OP posts:
pieceofpurplesky · 24/02/2015 22:45

Coffee stirring GrinGrinBrew

TheSpottedZebra · 24/02/2015 22:50

LL0015 He literally threw himself at you? Did he jump off a table or something, like a suburban stage dive?

And don't call people cretins, it's a horrid term relating to a health issue. It's a really awful thing to use an an insult.

Iflyaway · 24/02/2015 22:50

Maybe she knitted it for him, he hated it and tried to offload it to you...

Simple answer - Ah, thanks, but not really me... or whatever.

Are you overthinking this? bored?

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 24/02/2015 23:03

If that's how he makes an advance I'm surprised he's married tbh

Joysmum · 24/02/2015 23:05

I think you've done the right thing. Why would it be appropriate for a man to give a wrapped gift, saying not to tell his wife.

Only special gifts get wrapped and I question why she should be told to be keeping secrets from the wife. Awkward.

Good for you for not unwrapping it and handing it back. You don't need to know what's in it to realise a wrapped gift and keeping secrets isn't right. You're not living your life to serve the MN soap opera.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 24/02/2015 23:09

Only special gifts get wrapped? Really?

Maybe he said 'don't tell my wife' as something to cause laughter?

iwashappy · 24/02/2015 23:20

Maybe a jumper is a subtle play on words of saying he wants to jump you?!

AnyFucker · 24/02/2015 23:26

How unlike the home life of our own dear Queen

CuttedUpPear · 25/02/2015 01:04

The Queen would get her footman to open it.

Joysmum · 25/02/2015 05:10

Maybe he said 'don't tell my wife' as something to cause laughter?

I'll give the OP the courtesy of assuming she has the intelligence to have decided between that and whether it was an inappropriate come on.

So often the advice in these boards is for women to trust their instincts yet this OP is getting mobbed for doing just that Hmm

She was there, she knows the subcontext and she will have seen his body language etc to have made that decision.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 25/02/2015 06:04

Are you pregnant? I bet it's baby clothes.

FolkGirl · 25/02/2015 06:45

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Effendi · 25/02/2015 07:12

You walked home with a fair sized wrapped parcel and only realised when you got home that you still had it in your hand?

PatterofaMinion · 25/02/2015 07:30

I had something like this happen, but not as cack handed to be fair - and no gifts involved.

I began to make excuses not to see the guy and actually, stopped seeing both of them. As it was not so blooming blatant as this weirdo you describe, I could not be sure that there were odd intentions, but it felt wrong, and so I backed off completely from seeing either of them.

It was sad as I really liked the woman, but it became far too awkward as the bloke kept wanting to meet me (once when he had arranged a 'spa day' for his partner so she wasn't there Hmm, asking me to give him lifts etc.

If I were you, I would give the unwrapped present back either to him or to his wife, depending on how much you like her, and how much you think it will be possible to avoid him in future.

I would never speak to him again unless absolutely unavoidable. There is no need to mention it to his wife as long as you don't become serious friends. If you do then you may have to think again. But I think I would hold fire on that for now, she would not expect you to tell her unless you were quite close. And if you become so, then you can.

But avoid git man for ever.

PatterofaMinion · 25/02/2015 07:31

Btw by cack handed I mean your guy clearly has no clue, at all, about anything. Even about how to be a complete arse.

LL0015 · 25/02/2015 08:02

Apologies Zebra
I wasn't aware it could be offensive.
I shall add it to the increasingly long list of words never to be used on MN

MadeMan · 25/02/2015 08:31

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Wellthatsit · 25/02/2015 08:31

I believe the OP. My friend had something similar happen to her. Some guys are just entitled and arrogant enough to think they can do this.

Of course the present isn't kids clothes or something like that, and if course it's not a misunderstanding.

And not everyone is bold and sassy enough to laugh in the face if someone like that. The OP isn't acting like a 'Victorian virgin'. Her response was surprise mixed with total embarrassment, and she probably froze a bit too, and ended up taking the present home. Sounds exactly the sort of thing plenty of people would do. Not everyone can work out how to react clinically or wittily on the spot.

Come back OP, and tell us what you decided to do. Agree you should mention your DH knowing about what other guy did.

ToYouToMe · 25/02/2015 08:40

Seems to be taking the OP a while to open that present.....

DeliciousMonster · 25/02/2015 08:43

You walked home with a fair sized wrapped parcel and only realised when you got home that you still had it in your hand?

She was catatonic at the time.

SisterMerror · 25/02/2015 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOutOfPractice · 25/02/2015 09:02

I think the frst thing you need to do OP is calm down. As does your DH

Catatonic shock? FGS!

Hoppinggreen · 25/02/2015 09:24

It's all a bit " Victorian Virgin" to me.
OP you are presumably a grown woman who has had sex so I'm not sure hw a man handing you a parcel in a public place is so traumatic for you.
Even if he does want to ump you he was hardly going to do it on Costa- surely that's more of a Starbucks kind of thing???!!!

Hoppinggreen · 25/02/2015 09:25

I meant " jump" but " ump" works just as well.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/02/2015 09:31

"And not everyone is bold and sassy enough to laugh in the face if someone like that. "

You don't have to be bold and sassy to be an adult and turn down someone politely if you're not comfortable with the way the conversation is going. No need for hysterics.