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Original poster

Unwanted advance made by a dad on the school run

216 replies

urbanIsland · 24/02/2015 11:40

I talk to my son's(5 years old) best friend's parents often on the walk to school. Today the father asked if I would like to meet them for coffee after dropping them off. i said yes but when I got to Costa with my baby in the pram there was only him there. I asked where his wife was he said that she was not coming and he had a present for me but I could not tell his wife about it. I was now in catatonic shock as he handed the present to me. I managed to say I am going and just left. I didn't throw the present at him, I realised to my horror when I got home that I had it in my hand.

I do not know what to do now, I wanted my son and theirs to go to each others houses and play together etc and enjoyed talking to both parents on the school walk. The mother will surely think that I did something to prompt this advance if I tell her and I need to clearly get it through to him that he is completely wrong and never to do anything like that again.

Any ideas how best to fix this without losing my son's best friend?

OP posts:
Jackie0 · 24/02/2015 12:24

You left out the " he thought I was very beautiful " in your original post. Details matter.

aftereight · 24/02/2015 12:25

Selfish prick for putting you in this situation Angry
open the present and post a photo for us Hand the jumper/gimp mask in to the staff at Costa as lost property. Then tell the school dad you have done so and that you are prepared to overlook the incident if he backs off permanently.
Ughh.

Verbena37 · 24/02/2015 12:26

Open the pressie so you know what you're dealing with. Do you know what line of work he is in? Perhaps he meant "don't tell my wife" because she would be annoyed that he doesn't buy her gifts.....rather than her thinking he fancies you.
Maybe there is a logical explanation......you say you are friends with them both....so would it have been different if you had met the wife and she had said you were very pretty and she had given you a jumper etc?

Perhaps he is just in touch with his feminine side and wanted to give you a gift within the friendship? [clutches at lots of straws]

fattymcfatfat · 24/02/2015 12:28

open it!

Floggingmolly · 24/02/2015 12:35

Have you had coffee together before?? He's a bit of a quick off the mark, isn't he?
Here's a present for a beautiful lady and btw don't tell my wife, before you've even ordered the coffee? Confused. Really?

Original poster
urbanIsland · 24/02/2015 12:37

I think the right course will be to keep the (unopened) present in the pram and the next time it is just him on the school run to hand it back to him with a clear statement that it was inappropriate and we will not ever talk about it again. Opening it may just give him the idea that a better present would have won me over!
Telling her would be awful, and what good will happen - he could easily suggest it was all in my head or they break up for something that was not really in his head to do. I just hope I can say it in the right way so it does not cause a reaction by him which prevents the two boys being friends out of school.

OP posts:
Verbena37 · 24/02/2015 12:40

Can't you open it then resell it?
He might be a photographer who appreciates beauty and have bought you a scarf or something quite innocent?

YesAnastasia · 24/02/2015 12:43

What?! Some men astound me sometimes. Why did he think he could do this? He clearly believes he can get away with it.

In an ideal world, telling his wife would be the best option but it again puts you in a terrible situation, one that is entirely unwanted & unsolicited. It's so unfair & ridiculously selfish of this man.

Yes, hand it back if you're brave enough or throw it away & ignore him forever...

Original poster
urbanIsland · 24/02/2015 12:43

Definitely the only time we had met like that, I had asked his wife to meet up before for coffee but she was not able to. He had paid me compliments before and I had just taken them as nice things to say. Only now all of them have gone through my head and see that he thought they were the first steps towards something!!!! I feel very stupid! My husband wants to punch him!

OP posts:
YesAnastasia · 24/02/2015 12:45

Oh I hadn't even thought of your husband. Let him.

Rachie1986 · 24/02/2015 12:45

open it to check what it is!

piggychops · 24/02/2015 12:47

Give it back unopened, and tell him to stop being such an arse.

Verbena37 · 24/02/2015 12:47

It's good you've told your Dh.....otherwise if he found out later, could have been tricky.
You hadn't said the man had mentioned stuff about you before so perhaps he is just trying it on.....return gift without the wife knowing then just don't meet up with them for coffee. Let the boys be friends and have play dates etc but leave it at that perhaps?

piggychops · 24/02/2015 12:48

Better still let your DH give it back...

Reekypear · 24/02/2015 12:49

Ffs..he might be a photographer...

He wants to get it on...nothing innocent here. Let's see him say the same lines infront your DH/P

slithytove · 24/02/2015 12:51

Could you say to your friend something like

"Sorry about coffee the other day, when you couldn't make it I didn't feel it appropriate for just me and xxx to stay, could we do it another time."

Keeps you innocent but puts her in the picture

SylvaniansAtEase · 24/02/2015 12:51

Do you know the way I'd respond to this?

I'd make sure I see HER next, and I'd go up to her with a big smile, and say 'So sorry you couldn't make it for coffee as suggested by (creepH) the other day! I couldn't stay myself as it happened, so maybe we could meet another time. Oh, by the way, this present - (creepH) passed it on to me - think he thought it belonged to me for some reason, but it's not mine - maybe put it into lost property at school if you can't find out whose it is? Cheers!'

Drop him in the shit, in a way which doesn't commit you to 'knowing' anything, if his wife wants to smooth it over, carry on being friends with you, etc. He won't come near you again.

SaucyJack · 24/02/2015 12:52

Is there any way of opening it carefully so you find out what it is (and then tell us) before you give it back?

Maybe it's something for your DC and his worst intention was thinking you're a charity case.

Reekypear · 24/02/2015 12:55

tBH...isn't mumsnet part if the sisterhood, why would you not want his wife to know. How shit would it be to be her and know that others were being hit on by your other half. She deserves respect.

Tournesol · 24/02/2015 12:57

We are all nosey beggars so want to know what is in the present but of course the right thing to do is NOT open it and return it to him, letting him know it is not appropriate.

So rude of him to put you in this awkward situation.

CatKitten · 24/02/2015 12:59

I think you need to open it because it may put a different complexion on it.

What is if it's a t-shirt with his wife's face on and an invitation to her surprise birthday party saying please wear this all the guests are being asked to?

[Not v. likely I accept, but I'm sure you understand the principle - it could be a Christmas jumper he wants to get rid of].

Waitingonasunnyday · 24/02/2015 13:00

Open the present, then text them both saying 'I've opened the present. Might sound rude but I don't know why you have given it to me so I'll pass it on to charity unless you want it back.

So what that he said 'don't tell my wife' - its not fucking well up to him.

Skippersocks · 24/02/2015 13:01

It might be a knitted blanket for the baby!

KatelynB · 24/02/2015 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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