Unwanted advance made by a dad on the school run

[urbanIsland]

I talk to my son's(5 years old) best friend's parents often on the walk to school. Today the father asked if I would like to meet them for coffee after dropping them off. i said yes but when I got to Costa with my baby in the pram there was only him there. I asked where his wife was he said that she was not coming and he had a present for me but I could not tell his wife about it. I was now in catatonic shock as he handed the present to me. I managed to say I am going and just left. I didn't throw the present at him, I realised to my horror when I got home that I had it in my hand.

I do not know what to do now, I wanted my son and theirs to go to each others houses and play together etc and enjoyed talking to both parents on the school walk. The mother will surely think that I did something to prompt this advance if I tell her and I need to clearly get it through to him that he is completely wrong and never to do anything like that again.

Any ideas how best to fix this without losing my son's best friend?

Well, I don't think your DH sounds very nice or grown-up, wanting to punch him.

But I think you've got a good plan: keep it with you, unopened, until you see just him again. Hand it back with a firm 'This was inappropriate and please don't ask me again to keep anything from your wife.'

I do wish there were more SylviansAtEase in this world!

I would open it just to make sure I hadn't got the wrong end of the stick about the gift but it does all sound very odd.

Really want to know what the present is!!!

I would definitely tell his wife. If my husband did something similar even remotely, I would like to know. I would rather not be friends with someone who would hold off such information, as hurting or uncertain info it may be.

I'd do something along the lines of what Sylvanians suggests actually - allows everyone to save face and move on if they want to, but without you being caught up any deceit or secret.

I know you're hoping to avoid impact on your DC but, if you have to always avoid being near this guy unaccompanied, that will be hard sometimes too.

Open but bright and breezy gives everyone a way out!

Good luck

Just open it for goodness sakes!

Then make your move.

You need to open it as if you go storming in there's a chance you'll make a fool of yourself. Open it but give it back to him. Oh actually I'd give it back to his wife.

I would open the parcel, as it's contents will set the tone of your response.

Sexy lingerie is very different from kids clothing....

Stop drip feeding and open the present so we can all get on with advising you!

I say give it back to the wife, unopened. She should know her H is behaving like an embarrassing twat.

Get your husband to ask his wife out for coffee, flirt and then give the present to her. Without opening first, could be an interesting twist on Russian roulette.

I would just HAVE to open it..... (And then sticky it back together and give it back to him "unopened")

If you dont tell the wife you are colluding in his secret. Tell here, make sure your husband backs you up. And dont let your husband punch him. He will end up in jail.

You need to open the present, then gift it to the schools next bazar/fair or whatever.

You have to tell her. Sorry.

I experienced similar. I was (and still am) married. Pregnant at the time. Me best friends fiance called me and asked if I wanted to come for coffee with them. When I came to the coffee shop, it was only him. He said she was to join us later, as she could not get off work early like him.
He then proposed that me and him having an affair would be perfect. Our partners would never suspect, because me and his fiance were best friends, so the four of us would naturally hang out. They often used to stay over at ours, and he said we could easily sneak shags after our partners had gone to bed. What an idiot. Naturally I told my friend.

The gift is a surprise birthday t-shirt for you to wear to his wife's surprise birthday party...or a knitted sex swing

I think you need to open the present, neatly so you can wrap it back up if needed.

it could well be completely innocent and you might end up looking and feeling like a right idiot if you go with your plan.

of course, if it is something not so innocent then wrap the present back up and go with your plan!

Ffs. I know seeing the good in people is a desirable quality, but Ffs some people on here have taken it to an Olympic sport.

Im not necessarily seeing the good in him, it all does sound pretty dodgy! But just in case of the small chance it is innocent, my suggestion was to save the ops embarrassment.

I'm no expert, but it would seem a very clumsy method for seduction, if that was his intention.

I agree, it could be a jumper that she left somewhere and he was just being sweet if a little weird, it could be something from her childhood and he has been stalking her for 20 years or it could be a negligee because he wants to get his leg over. We just do not know!

Am I the only one that thinks there is some serious overreacting going on? You get invited for coffee, the wife isn't there, you're given an gift and asked not to tell the wife. Was there furious wiggling of eyebrows? Did he slyly pass you a hotel room key? Were you propositioned in any way? You can nip this in the bud and retain your dignity by saying you'd rather not accept the gift but thanks for the kind thought.

Catatonic....

Imagine if she rights. He trying to seduce the OP into a torrid affair with a ..... daggy, M+S cardi!!

I think you nee to open it and see if there's a note in.