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Original poster

DH spent over 500 in strip club

206 replies

Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 01:53

Hi
This is my first post. I had posted earlier but my message disappeared. I know this topic has probably been done to death but I'm looking for some help/ information.
Whilst going through our bank statements tonight I've noticed a number of translations for a strip club in our city and I'm fucking raging. Dh was entertaining clients after a corporate even that he was part of and obviously took them to this strip club. How fucking clichéd! Anyway my question is the translations are for set amounts , £110 x2 and £130 x2 - what is this likely to be? As in what service did he avail of? You may laugh at this question but my knowledge of the prices and range of the 'services' on offer at these places is not good.
Can anyone please help? I'm mortified to be asking and fucking livid I'm in this situation.
Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 01:56

Sorry I posted twice! Total newbieBlush

OP posts:
KatieMorag · 19/02/2015 02:04

If he was entertaining clients, why are the transactions on your personal account ? Surely any entertaining would be on his business or employers accounts ?

I entertain clients (not in strip clubs ) and the transactions do not go through my personal account, they go on a business card . If I paid for them myself, I would have to submit receipts and claim it as expenses .

Original poster
Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 02:11

Good point Katie thanks for your reply
I am assuming he was with clients as it was a client evening. Quite male orientated. He does sometimes use his personal card for business. I don't know whether he was going to bother claiming it back or whether he just went himself now! I'm very confused but want to have as much knowledge of what goes on/ is on offer as I can before confronting him about it. The website gives no indication of prices and a google search brings up nothing of use. I'm guessing it was within the VIP section as it's says 'name of stripclub' VIP on statement.

OP posts:
KatieMorag · 19/02/2015 02:27

Are you annoyed that he went to a strip club at all ?

Or just annoyed that he spent his /your money on clients ? If he claims it back as expenses, does that make it ok ?

would you mind if he bought clients a meal on your own account and claimed it back?

I'm trying to understand what you are so angry about .

Original poster
Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 02:30

I'm annoyed that he went to a stripclub and spent that amount of money as that leads me to believe he didn't just have a few drinks watch some dancers. With that amount being spent he clearly must have had a private one on one service . That upsets me massively. (And yes the money issue is boiling my piss too but to be honest that's secondary right now)

OP posts:
Original poster
Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 02:31

If he'd spent the same amount on a meal I would be ok btw

OP posts:
KatieMorag · 19/02/2015 02:33

So you have a moral objection to going to strip clubs at all ? Or you think it's ok to use certain services there but not others ?

Or is it just about the money - you wouldnt mind if he spent less money on strippers but £500 is too much much ?

Original poster
Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 02:41

It's not something I've thought about before to be honest and I'm trying to explain my disappointment as best I can. I'm aware some people go to stripclubs, that's fine for them. I just don't think it's fine that my husband went to one and spent so much. There's a big difference (in my book) between going to a stripclub and not partaking in anything and going to a stripclub and spending that much which can only mean he paid for many women to do private shows for him. What I'm trying to find out by posting here is there a range of prices for private dances etc? 130 seems a huge amount for a private dance no?

OP posts:
KatieMorag · 19/02/2015 03:11

I see. so you are happy for him to buy certain services there but not others? In that case, did you agree this in advance ? Because otherwise,how was your DH to know what you were and were not ok with ?

And you are really posting because you want to know the prices of certain services in lap dancing clubs - I'm not sure if Mumsnet is the best place to get this type of information , let alone in relationships

Why don't you just ask him ?

KatieMorag · 19/02/2015 03:15

Surely by just entering a strip club you are " partaking " in what is going on ? By buying drinks there , for yourself and others, you are supporting the business . By " watching " you are participating .

By your own admission, you haven't really thought about this before , so I guessing you haven't discussed it with your DH. So it's not really his fault that he couldn't read your mind on this , and guess in advance what would upset you .

fanjolina · 19/02/2015 03:25

I would assume those were prices of bottles of booze.
Dances are much cheaper.

quietlysuggests · 19/02/2015 05:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

timeforabrewnow · 19/02/2015 05:29

KatieMorag are you a man or do you work in a strip club? You're asking irrelevant questions of the OP and being weirdly over-argumentative. Possibly you are the OP's husband???

In reply to the OP's actual question I have no idea what the amounts of money signify. I would imagine bottles of champagne or something.

phoenixrose314 · 19/02/2015 05:55

I, too, think KatieMorag is being unnecessarily passive aggressive here.

My DH has gone to strip clubs for various stag dos - it doesn't bother me, it's the done thing, but he said to me that he would never pay for a dance because he sees it as spending money on a sexual activity (whether there is contact or not) with another woman. These are the boundaries set in our relationship (look but don't touch!) and we're both happy with that. If I found out he'd paid to look at another woman grind her pussy in his face, yes I would be upset.

But like you I'm not sure of pricing etc... They could easily be expensive bottles of champagne like other OPs have suggested. I strongly recommend you take a day to calm down, then sit down with DH and say you want to ask him about something and you'd like him to tell you the truth. Ask him what he spent that much money on, and if he was planning on claiming it back. Quite fair to ask that if you ask me.

Good luck OP Flowers

mathanxiety · 19/02/2015 06:08

You need to decide if you are ok with him crossing the threshold of a strip club or not. Because if he goes in the door, then he is 'partaking'.

I agree with quietlysuggests here. I have had occasion to have to think about this chauvinist practice though.

What sort of emotionally illiterate moron would a man have to be to think this was ok or that any sort of discussion with his wife would make it ok? Men are not so stupid that they can't understand how this is unacceptable, or how this might be unacceptable. It wouldn't take a huge amount of guesswork, just a little humanity.

DontDrinkandFacebook · 19/02/2015 06:13

Katie why on earth are you giving the OP such a hard time? Perhaps the reason she hasn't discussed in advance with him what aspects of a lap dancing joints she is and isn't okay with is because she didn't even know he was going there n the first place?

All she wants to do is gather enough information to be able to confront him without being fobbed off with lies and excuses. It's ridiculous to say that unless she'd expressly forbidden her husband in advance to spend hundreds of pounds to have some naked 20 year old with fake tits bouncing around on his cock lap then the poor man could hardly have anticipated that she would be annoyed with him. Hmm

LovelyMarchHare · 19/02/2015 07:03

You know you say it was a 'client evening', do you actually know it for sure or could it just be an excuse you've been given to allow him to go out (and to a strip club)?

I would be furious too OP.

Original poster
Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 07:30

Thanks so much for your replies all. You seem to be grasping what is making me angry. To the pp who asked yes it definitely was a corporate night as I has been -at it (not the stripclub obviously!) earlier in the night. Had I left that event and as leaving he had said to me 'Grace later I'm going to head to a stripclub and spend £500 there' I'd have asked him nicely not to. He knows that. I agree with the poster who says he would've known it's not ok. Going to a stripclub, full of drink with other male friends is one thing. I'm not delighted about it, but it's not something I'd livid over. But spending that amount makes me livid as it feels like he took it to the next level iykwim? There are clear boundaries in our relationship (or so I thought) and I feel this has overstepped it if he has had a private one on one. If he'd told me te following morning that he went I'd have been upset but ok, but to have not told me and to find out now and realise the amount of our money spent there I'm just angry. I know I need to think about this for a few days and try calm down. I can't bring it up with him at the moment as he is recovering from an op. I'm useless at 'sitting' or stewing on something. It kills me, I have to have it out there and then. Not sure how i can/ will hold it in. Tables turned he wouldn't be happy, I just know he wouldn't and that's the bottom line really & I absolutely hate hypocrisy.

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 19/02/2015 07:33

The club I know about lets you buy 'money' to pay the dancers so he could hVe been bulk buying dances.

GoldieMumbles · 19/02/2015 07:38

That amount of money can't be for dances - DH went to strip clubs in the past and he has told me that the paces he went to had a standard price list for private dance and they were more like £20-30. OK, we're talking over 10 years ago - actually probably almost 15 years ago - so I guess inflation may have played it's part in that time but it wouldn't be up to £130 surely?

And yes, I am alright with it before anyone comes to start questioning me. So feel free to switch the discussion to what an awful person I am but I'm trying to help the OP understand before the slating begins.

As another poster mentioned, it sounds more like this bill is for bottles of booze at that price.

GoldieMumbles · 19/02/2015 07:38

That amount of money can't be for dances - DH went to strip clubs in the past and he has told me that the paces he went to had a standard price list for private dance and they were more like £20-30. OK, we're talking over 10 years ago - actually probably almost 15 years ago - so I guess inflation may have played it's part in that time but it wouldn't be up to £130 surely?

And yes, I am alright with it before anyone comes to start questioning me. So feel free to switch the discussion to what an awful person I am but I'm trying to help the OP understand before the slating begins.

As another poster mentioned, it sounds more like this bill is for bottles of booze at that price.

GoldieMumbles · 19/02/2015 07:39

Sorry for double-post but computer keeps having a problem with MN.

Original poster
Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 07:39

Thanks Ethric, if that was the case in your opinion do you think all 4 transactions would be for the same amount tho? And is a private dance that much? I realise these are probably ridiculous questions and I get Katie's suggestions that this is probably not the right place to ask these questions but there is no one else in real life I can askBlush

OP posts:
GoldieMumbles · 19/02/2015 07:40

"The club I know about lets you buy 'money' to pay the dancers so he could hVe been bulk buying dances."

Hadn't thought of that - yes, it's a possibility, isn't it?

Original poster
Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 07:41

Thanks Goldie, I cross posted with you. Thank you for your help and 'knowledge'!

OP posts: