DH spent over 500 in strip club

[Graceunderfire01]

Hi
This is my first post. I had posted earlier but my message disappeared. I know this topic has probably been done to death but I'm looking for some help/ information.
Whilst going through our bank statements tonight I've noticed a number of translations for a strip club in our city and I'm fucking raging. Dh was entertaining clients after a corporate even that he was part of and obviously took them to this strip club. How fucking clichéd! Anyway my question is the translations are for set amounts , £110 x2 and £130 x2 - what is this likely to be? As in what service did he avail of? You may laugh at this question but my knowledge of the prices and range of the 'services' on offer at these places is not good.
Can anyone please help? I'm mortified to be asking and fucking livid I'm in this situation.
Thank you

It all sounds seedy.

Are you saying you are ok with your husband spending company money but not your own? Is it ok for him to buy sex or partake in getting off so long as someone else pays for it!

If you go to a strip club you are going to get titilated. You don't have to literally have some stranger suck your cock for that..

Where do you draw the line?

Would your husband be fine with you letting another man satisfy you sexually?

You only have to read these boards to see the damage which emotional affairs cause. You certainly don't have to do the penetrative act to start the decline within a relationship.

If you are fine with him spending company money on whatever he likes then there is no problem, providing he claims the money back of course.

You do need to speak to him though and establish your boundaries.

I just think there is something so wrong in doing this as a corporate jolly. Not only are you assuming that the group of clients, each one of them is comfortable with this (I think my husband would quietly die inside and possibly get quite arsy about going) but I think it smacks of sexism and that 1970 s sleaziness. So do these men, when they meet you, think corrrr what a pair of legs, boobs, bum (whatever is approprate). It's viewing women as sexual objects but they've been doing business with women, have wives, daughters at home. It just feels icky and skin crawley. I can understand the difference between a group of lads on a night out and pissed going or even a lonely man going because it fills some need and this deliberate, coorporate, lets entertain people by taking them to a strip club.

I think the amounts are champagne. Probs they paid to go into the VIP bit, sat at a table and watched the gyrating while drinking champers which would be very expensive. I don't necessarily think your husband paid for himself to have personal dances although he might have paid for one for a client or the group. If he was with the group then I doubt any further shennanigans went on. I think though that you have a right to point out the yuck factor of this, the deliberate using of women as entertainment for clients, the objectifying and perhaps they need to find a better way of entertaining. It has to be asked, why do all these clients need all this entertaining? Can't they just have a good meal and go to bed?

I know this is not why OP is here, but supposing those clients were women, or have women on their teams, or might one day have women on their teams? If I was one of those women I would not want to buy services from a business that thought even champagne in a strip club was ok. Yuk.

Snap with flapping!

It's either for rounds of drinks or private dances.

"If you go to a strip club you are going to get titillated"

I've been to a few 'Chippendales' style nights out and, believe me, the men in strip clubs look anything but titillated or sexually satisfied with the experience. :) They don't even appear to be enjoying themselves, and there is a lot of furtive glancing at the dancers or their shoes.... unlike women audiences who really get into the spirit of things and make lots of noise!!!

It's all seedy.

" supposing those clients were women"

Funnily enough, my friend who has a non-gender-specific name, was invited on a corporate night out with Japanese clients. All the business had been conducted by mail so they thought she was a man. When the discovered the truth there was lots of hasty rearranging of schedules and some nice Japanese women were produced to take her on a more cultural experience than originally planned!!!

I ended up in a strip club as the junior member of a team that was entertaining clients. It would have been inconvenient for me to duck out and I was curious what went on so there I was. As I said above, I didn't see much evidence of titillation or 'sex'. It was all remarkably clinical and unsexy.

Eustas no I'm not saying I'm ok with it if it's company money. To me there's no difference money was spent (could be Monopoly money for all I care) for women to gyrate and make them feel like big dicks. As I think about it I get more angry, it's sexist, it's tacky and no I don't think it's appropriate at a client do. of course the worse possible case scenario is that there were no others there and he spent that money himself - for what? 15 minutes of a girl acting like he's some fuckin god not a stupid imbecile who's spending ridiculous amounts of money there.
I think flapping puts it well and probably summarises how I feel about it all. It's so totally unnecessary as a client thing to do , it's unneccessary for him as a man to do. He's grown up around good female role models, has a daughter and the thought that he thinks women 'can be bought to behave like you want them to sickens me really. And that's something I never thought I'd say about my husband. Which is in itself gutting

I might be missing something here but why don't you just ask him?

Christy I plan to. Was just seeing if anyone else had experience before I did

It's not the experience of other people you need. Attitudes vary a lot on something like strip-clubs. From people who go there quite happily for Saturday night drinks with their other half, to those who regard the whole thing as beyond the pale and a total deal-breaker. This has to be an adult conversation about expectations, values, honesty.... it's very personal

Stupid question. Are the transactions timed. My instinctive thought was drinks on arrival, then a second transaction say an hour later for the next round.

DH corporate entertains, you're sacked n the spot for a claim in a strip club and. Can't see him getting far with receipts on our personal account either.

I saw a poster say token for the dances, but isn't the unusual and more likely dances would be cash straight to the dancer.

My boss took some of us out to a strip club one night (seemed like a good idea at the time and I remember being shocked at how much he paid for a bottle of wine.. £120. I would have thought the bill was for alcohol really. I think dances were around £40

Is he employed by a company that would be willing to reimburse money spent in a strip club? DH has worked for several companies in roles that involve taking clients out and there is NO way that a strip club would be an acceptable expenses claim to any of them.

How many 'clients' would he likely have been in there with? Individual dances are approx 35-40 quid so if he was buying the dances for 3 or 4 clients at a time that would explain the amounts.

If he was paying for contact that price would be higher but £110 would be very very very steep.

You say:
"What was the 500 Spent on?
He will say:
"It was spent on drinks, nothing else"

You need to explain that there is a seed of doubt, simply because he set foot in a place like that without consulting you first.
Whether he paid for dances or just drinks, you are disappointed in your husband for financially supporting and condoning an establishment that treats women like peices of meat.
And you didn't realise until now that he thought this sort of place was appropriate for clients.
Your relationship has now changed.

I hope you can work through it.

TSS no they're not times- already looked at that as was thinking the same as you!
Cogito I know you're right. I have to approach this calmly and rationally though. Talking about it here is helping me , thank you.
Jenda I can imagine the prices are absurd. A fool and their money are easily parted!

It's not '£500 of family money' if the company is going to reimburse him.

Nope.

It absolutely is family money until the moment the £500 expenses from the company lands in his account.

He basically stole half a grand from his wife and child to buy sexual services for "clients".

There was absolutely no need for him to agree to lay out his own money on this abusive practice.

Will the company really reimburse private dances and champagne?

Lots would tell you to do on if you submitted "expenses" like that.

Presumably your DH hadn't told you he'd taken the clients to the strip club? But probably would have done if they'd gone to a bar or restaurant.

It's the deceit I would be concerned about here, even if you're okay with the 'cliché' of going to a strip club in the first place.

I hope you don't even try to "work through" attempting to convince yourself that a man who would do this is anything but a repulsive sleazeball who should be nowhere near women.

I've never been in a strip club so don't know what I am talking about but I was musing on why this thing seems to acceptable to put on expenses as part of entertainment. They are possibly just 'a place to go to' because they provide a table where the group can all sit together which is possibly in a booth or not next to other tables like you'd get in a pub. The group and sit and talk unlike a nightclub which requires dancing, ect and everyone is still wearing suits, there is waiter service for drinks so no boring standing at the bar thing, possibly live music or if not music as a background plus the gyrating women as something to look at but provide a common ground 'we all like tits and bums' even though most of the men are probably staring at the floor and the gay ones just have to hide their emotions.

So really, it's an elaborate piece of theatrical convenience brought about because a) some men are a sleezy. B) they think clients need something more to fill the hours between dinner ending and the early hours, c). There is very little to fill that vacuum unless you beling to private members clubs d) wherever it is needs to enable the group to stay together, be able to talk, be acceptable to still be in suits and have access to booze. E). Men need a commonality to base their relationships on - have you noticed that when chaps first meet at family dos they tend to start off talking about directions and that 'tricky cut through the B2456'., then they might move onto sport and then work.

I'm not justifying the strip club. I think it icky but trying to understand why corporates still use them.

Perhaps there is a gap in the market???

What do they put on their expenses forms!!!

Well, it's unpleasant. Sorry you're facing this, OP.

A mate of my husband's sometimes has to take clients to strip clubs; it is expected for salesmen in that industry. He is a bolshy bastard though and never buys them private dances- drinks, food, that's it. What's funniest is that my husband's mate is himself gay. Hours of women's bits flashed in front of his face is his personal idea of hell.

Sorry, that's probably not helpful, OP. I don't think I'd be OK with my husband doing this, for a job or not. It's all so seedy.

"trying to understand why corporates still use them."

I think it's a bit of a hangover from the past to be honest. There's a macho element to it. My current boyfriend has to do quite a lot of entertaining and they often end up in clubs - although not strip clubs. There's an expectation on the part of his customers that they're going to have a very boozy night out, money is no object and 'what goes on tour stays on tour'. Lots of macho talk beforehand.... lots of 'OMG how wasted was I?' afterwards. It's childish really. The bills regularly go into three digits but, because the contracts are in six digits, this is regarded as a good return on investment.

He basically stole half a grand from his wife and child to buy sexual services for "clients".

Oh dear, didn't realise I stole £3.59 from my family and children to buy a box of blank DVDs the other day (until I am reimbursed).
What a ridiculous thing to say!

It also excludes women from certain corporate positions, because if it's corporate culture or the done thing to entertain in strip clubs then obviously that calls for meeting between men. A woman in a business suit is just a third wheel, and it's also sadistic on the part of her company as she tries to desperately differentiate herself from the half naked women who are gyrating in the faces of her colleagues.