DH spent over 500 in strip club

[Graceunderfire01]

Hi
This is my first post. I had posted earlier but my message disappeared. I know this topic has probably been done to death but I'm looking for some help/ information.
Whilst going through our bank statements tonight I've noticed a number of translations for a strip club in our city and I'm fucking raging. Dh was entertaining clients after a corporate even that he was part of and obviously took them to this strip club. How fucking clichéd! Anyway my question is the translations are for set amounts , £110 x2 and £130 x2 - what is this likely to be? As in what service did he avail of? You may laugh at this question but my knowledge of the prices and range of the 'services' on offer at these places is not good.
Can anyone please help? I'm mortified to be asking and fucking livid I'm in this situation.
Thank you

All of this, from one poster, shows a total lack of understanding of how business sometimes has to be conducted using private money instead of an expense account - and it seems to get more and more shrill as the discussion goes on:

"He basically stole half a grand from his wife and child to buy sexual services for "clients"."
"Most family current accounts will be in trouble if £500 is taken out of them without prior agreement."
"It is stealing to take hundreds of pounds of shared money without agreement. Particularly when you know that agreement would not be forthcoming."
"I have blurred lines between my personal a business spending, but I don't take money from my family to buy sexy treats for men I'm trying to impress."
"he shouldn't be spending that amount of shared money without agreement."

Most family accounts would be in trouble, but many would not. Fewer still may not even notice £500 go. If one is to accept that one's partner has to pay hundreds on expenses for their job, then agrement each and every time is neither practical nor desirable - my DH couldn't contact me every time he has to pay something and, due to where he travels (often the other side of the planet) I wouldn't want him to call me in the middle of the night. But then his company refuses point blank to reimburse expenses from strip clubs - and, indeed, casinos. It didn't used to be the case, but it is now.

So there's the rub - will his company reimburse these expenses or not? If not, then it IS family money. If they will, it can't be considered so as it's only a part of the transient cashflow from his company.

DH knows of one colleague who, a good few years ago, was pressured to take clients to a strip club - pressured by the clients. He acceeded to the demand. So, is your DH leading, OP, or is he acceeding to the demand of the client?

There's a difference, like it or not. And maybe, indeed, he needs to stand up and say no. But I could imagine that to be a very difficult thing to do if hundreds of thousands, millions or, as was the case with DH's colleague, billions were at stake. And yes, he did get the deal.

Hi all,
Been with kids all afternoon (seeing as I basically ignored them all day) so haven't been able to post
Going to talk to husband about this.
Thanks all for your help advice and wisdom. Greatly appreciated. Going to bow out of this thread now. Thanks to all who posted.

I think it's really important to stress to men that there is a principle involved here and not to give them the impression that they are doing 'their' woman a favour or deserve any special thanks for showing a minimum of human decency (i.e. not renting the bodies of other people as a form of entertainment).

GoldieMumbles, you have missed the point here. Nobody is expecting a man or woman to phone home and ask permission each and every time.

The OP does not know if her H's personal cc business-related expenses are normally reimbursed. She should know this.
The OP did not know her H was heading out to spend £500 that evening, let alone to a strip club. The amount surprised her. It won't break the bank. But her surprise reveals that they had not discussed any sort of upper limit. She wouldn't mind him spending that much on a meal, but there has been no discussion of upper limits.

It is not always a good idea to proceed on the basis of unspoken assumptions.

Upper limit? DH and I have just pissed ourselves laughing at that one

There's no upper limit on necessary spending. I've spent close to £10k in the last 3 months on my business dealings and DH has been abroad 4 times since December funding 6 clients each time including flights, meals, hotel and every other expense they incurred.

What are we to do, say 'Opps, sorry but I've reached the upper limit imposed by my husband so that's all you're getting unless one of you can pay and bill my company!'

I've just told DH we need to divorce

I'd object even if it hadn't cost him a penny

Did you ring the club. Say you're checking tax returns for him but sound confident. I once did this to a hotel and they sent me an itemised bill. Name of wine etc how many glasses.

You know, I'm still kind of awestruck that they went to the evening do with you, Grace, then piled off to a strip club without saying anything. What did they say, we're going for a few more drinks? There's such a horrible element of putting one over on the wife here.

I realise you say you've left the thread, and I'm not remotely trying to rub your face in it or anything ... just empathising. It's so not on.

So neither of you ever checks the balance or the credit limits on your accounts? Or are you rolling in dough to the extent that you don't have to?

Most people are not spending 10k per month out of their own personal or family accounts or on personal ccs on 'necessary business expenses'. Or funding flights and accommodation for six.

I would absolutely call the club and ascertain their pricing. When you speak to your DH, have this information written down in front of you. I imagine he will be horrified that you've called them, and may well be less likely to lie. Knowlege is power, and all that.

loysmum yes, exactly that. There are posters here who clearly have no understanding of how this sort of thing functions at all. You can't, on a business trip or something business related, say 'Sorry, DP says I can't spend any more on you'. That's insanely ridiculous and would, in short order lose me and DH our jobs.

"Or are you rolling in dough to the extent that you don't have to?"

Often, when you have large business expenses like this, companies will provide a float or will assist to come to an arrangement with a cc company to delay them taking money out of the account. For example, my company arranged with my cc provider that nothing goes out for 6 weeks after the transaction so that there are no 'slip ups' on reimbursements - and it stays interest free for that period (which is handy for personal transactions, too).

"Most people are not spending 10k per month "

Most people are not, no. Most people don't have jobs that require it. But some people do. You might not like it or think it reasonable mathanxiety, but just because you don't like it doesn't make it so.

And that line about "rolling in dough" sounds a bit like sour grapes from here. Maybe that's because of the way it reads and it wasn't intended that way. Some people are "rolling in dough" to that extent and they've usually worked fucking hard to get it.

As you know the name of the club, you can ring them & say you need to set up a corporate evening, what are the prices..... or isn't it that simple, maybe money exchanges hands once inside that isn't errr declared on the price list
I'd be seriously pissed off. both by the necessity, & the money

That is exactly what I thought, mix56. For me, the discussion with a DH who had "just" drunk expensive alcohol in a strip club would be different to a the discussion if something more had taken place. The latter would be a deal-breaker; the former, probably not.

Upper limit? DH and I have just pissed ourselves laughing at that one

Oh you have an upper limit Joy. It may not be 10K or even 50K but how about 100k? Or 500k? Money is all relative and whilst you may be richer than some you are also poorer than others who would laugh at your paltry 10k for a 'mediocre' expenses.

This thread isn't about you and your money, it's about OP and if £500 is a lot to her then it is relevant that she knows what it was spent on and whether it will be reimbursed. Even if it isn't a lot of money to her, she still has a right to know.

No, it's not sour grapes. I just happen to think scoffing is rude, and mentioning expenditures of 10k that nobody has to worry about is more of a boast than a helpful contribution to a thread. Same goes for the lordly 'There are posters here who clearly have no understanding of how this sort of thing functions at all'. As pointed out by Fairenuff, money is not in fact limitless no matter how hard you have worked to get it.

I doubt there is anyone here who doesn't have some sort of a budget. An upper limit agreement is highly relevant to most, and as the OP demonstrates, operating on assumptions as to where money can be spent for business reasons can be a mistake. She doesn't yet know if any of it will be reimbursed. It's far better to have the necessary conversations.

And I realise I am repeating myself here, but nobody has said a spouse needs to ring home every single time regarding expenses. You just sit down together once a month and see what's coming up and agree an upper limit, perhaps even a monthly total.

some people just cant resist an opportunity for

DH has a money back credit card for his expenses and the more he spends on it the better. If it looks like going over the £12k limit he'd approach the finance department but prefers the autonomy of booking himself so flights and hotel etc are his choice and he knows it's done. Not that it's important but my post refered to expenditure in the last 3 months, not 1 month.

His expenses get reimbursed each month (unless he doesn't submit them) and the card cleared without attracting interest. It's a lovely little earner for him.

Since when did company expenditure relate to how mych somebody is paid? i think you may be getting a little confused there

If you're in a good relationship why your partner isn't capable of thinking for themselves what is and isn't affordable?

I guess you find it strange because you have shared accounts that the money would come out of and you'd have to account to each other for your spending? We don't thank god! It's poor business not to separate your business and personal accounts. Even so, I often write about how important it is to have independent accounts from your partner and that is how we operate with our private spending too. Business expenses are necessary, he can't say no or he'd be out of a job and if it were me I'd be taken to court for not meeting my legal obligations.

That's real life for us I'm afraid and involves a lot more trust and confidence in each other than you seem to be able to give so it's a good job neither of us is married to you mathanxiety

OP having unfortunately been in your position in the past, costs like that usually mean admission for 2 (x2) into the VIP room or "private" room where the dances are more intimate. Not sex or anything like that, just more personal I suppose. OR it means 2x a pricey bottle of champage.

When my DH went ages ago I found the receipts and there was lots of this 2x 3x stuff and it usually means 2 people, 3 people availing themselves of the (undisclosed) service. Do you know how many were in the group?

"No, it's not sour grapes. I just happen to think scoffing is rude, and mentioning expenditures of 10k that nobody has to worry about is more of a boast than a helpful contribution to a thread. Same goes for the lordly 'There are posters here who clearly have no understanding of how this sort of thing functions at all'."

I'm sorry you feel that way. But I'm sure you'll get over it.

There are alot of people who can't get their head around not needing any agreement with their partner over how much is spent on business expenses - business expense being a different thing than general household expense in that - and you're going to think this rude because I'm going to shout it - BUSINESS EXPENSES ARE REIMBURSED, often before the charge is processed by the cc company, and therefore are not personal expenses. It is, therefore, NOT stealing to have a transient cc debt that is cleared before interest accrues. It is usually NOT removed from the person's operational account the next day or at the end of the month like a debit card is, but rather later on under agreement with the company reimbursing the expenses.

It is a different thing if the company will not reimburse.

But that has not been suggested by the OP yet.

Having read that, I can only wish the two of you all the best.

Back to planet earth where money does not grow on trees:
You have missed the point of this thread completely and ignored everything the OP has said.
The evidence I have for this is your inane comment 'If you're in a good relationship why your partner isn't capable of thinking for themselves what is and isn't affordable?'

You have consciously set up separate, independent accounts. This isn't a matter of a 'good relationship' or trust or confidence in each other. I assume since you write about your arrangement and have put some thought into it that it is not something that arose because both of you by sheer coincidence arrived at the same conclusion and went ahead without any discussion. Congratulations, you know what your H does if his cc limit is approached, you know the credit limit, and you also know that your H gets reimbursed and gets a cashback percentage.

In other words, you have done pretty much what I have advised here: Sit down and talk about finances with your H and decide how much money can be spent, whether it is reimbursed, and in the case of the OP since this particular issue has come up and she feels strongly about it, where the money will be spent.

By the way, for those slating the poster that mentioned 10k - this isn't an amount actually removed from someone's operational account. Nobody is sggesting that the poster would not notice it if it disapeeared from their account.

The poster said that they can have business expenses running up to 10k.

They don't discuss this with their partner NOT because they can afford to cover it themselves but because the company will reimburse BEFORE the 10k is ever deducted from their account.

I read it as an illustration of how big business expense bills can sometimes be... Others chose to read it as showing off.

Was hoping the OP would have come back by now.

Hope things are going okay at home Graceunderfire01 .

I am going to ask you too, Goldie, if you have read the OP's posts here, because you seem, like Joysmum, unaware of the existence of any considerations here or facts to take into account besides your own financial arrangement and your own experience of how reimbursement and business expenses work.

Hence the comment: 'There are alot of people who can't get their head around not needing any agreement with their partner over how much is spent on business expenses - business expense being a different thing than general household expense in that - and you're going to think this rude because I'm going to shout it - BUSINESS EXPENSES ARE REIMBURSED'
At the risk of repeating myself yet again, the OP does not know whether this expense will be reimbursed. The expense was incurred at a strip club for one thing, and some companies will not reimburse for propping up the sex industry. Secondly, the OP does not know if the expense will be reimbursed because of the date involved and she does not know of deadlines for submitting receipts.

You seem to know how things work wrt reimbursement for your H. Presumably you have been told this at some point. Maybe you even asked, just to make sure? No such conversation has taken place between the OP and her H.

But at least you seem to have understood that nobody envisions a spouse phoning home to get permission to spend £4.99 on printer paper. For that I suppose I should be thankful.

Joint account? Or business account.

Whatever.

No way for me to be o.k. with this, whichever way the wind is blowing.