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Original poster

DH spent over 500 in strip club

206 replies

Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 01:53

Hi
This is my first post. I had posted earlier but my message disappeared. I know this topic has probably been done to death but I'm looking for some help/ information.
Whilst going through our bank statements tonight I've noticed a number of translations for a strip club in our city and I'm fucking raging. Dh was entertaining clients after a corporate even that he was part of and obviously took them to this strip club. How fucking clichéd! Anyway my question is the translations are for set amounts , £110 x2 and £130 x2 - what is this likely to be? As in what service did he avail of? You may laugh at this question but my knowledge of the prices and range of the 'services' on offer at these places is not good.
Can anyone please help? I'm mortified to be asking and fucking livid I'm in this situation.
Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 11:12

Shovetheholly. I don't know. I guess I was initially posting to find out what's on offer in a stripclub. How far does it go. In my gut I just don't think he'd use a prostitute. But either way he has made me question things today so that alone is something he should feel very guilty and sorry for. I know I would.
To the poster that said it's depressing- yes it is , hugely. And to the poster that says it highlights an incredible lack of diversity awareness I totally agree. The more I think about it the stronger I feel about it . Where I didn't really have a strong opinion on it before as I didn't need to. I do now. Trust is a massive deal to both of us (or so I thought)
I need to hear his side of it now and make an informed decision
Thanks to all again

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 19/02/2015 11:14

"we would struggle if we had to wait 2 weeks to be reimbursed that amount "

You might but I don't think that's relevant. The OP isn't complaining that they've gone overdrawn etc. Quite a few people (myself included) have a job where they regularly put several hundred on expenses from a personal account, and it's up to us to keep up with the claims and manage the balance. Some organisations start you off with a 'float' so that you're not out of pocket. Some don't. It has to be factored in.

BathtimeFunkster · 19/02/2015 11:16

Of course it's relevant if him using £500 of family money on buying women for men's delectation could leave the family short of money.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 19/02/2015 11:16

OP if you feel strongly about it - and I don't blame you - then that's the thing to get across. Assuming he's being reimbursed, business is business but this kind of 'entertaining' went out with the Ark, if offends you personally, it equally offends people corporately and he needs to find alternatives. It's not on any more.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 19/02/2015 11:16

"could leave the family short of money"

There's no suggestion from the OP that the family is short of money.

BathtimeFunkster · 19/02/2015 11:19

No, but there is the repeated suggestion by you that the OP (being the little woman at home) has no business questioning what the big important man out working is spending THEIR money on.

Nobody on earth is expected by their company to blow £500 of their own on strippers on the off chance they might get it back in expenses.

This was a choice he made. To spend THEIR money on strippers.

And the fact that it is something he is pretending was a necessary business expense doesn't change the fact that he shouldn't be spending that amount of shared money without agreement.

Original poster
Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 11:20

To answer those questions regarding reimbursing and family being out of pocket. That's not an issue for us (at the moment!) I'd rather the money wasn't spent or that it was spent on us but no, we're not out of pocket because of it. But that's neither here nor there I suppose. It's undeniable that the money could have been put to better use!

OP posts:
Original poster
Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 11:22

But it is something that I will be angry about towards him though. I wouldn't spend that money on me or my friends to have some young fellas cock in my face. And if I did he'd be livid. It's that double standards that's particularly boiling my piss.

OP posts:
Original poster
Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 11:23

Bathtime cross post. Agreed.

OP posts:
RandomFriend · 19/02/2015 11:30

OP, how about calling the club and asking what services are puchased at prices of £110 and £130? That way, you would have extra information regarding what may have taken place.

chimchimini · 19/02/2015 11:35

OP, I would be so disappointed if my husband took clients to a strip club. He just wouldn't be the person I thought he was. You seem very shocked at his choice of entertainment and I wonder if he was pressured into making a very poor choice. I'm another one who is aghast that a company would think this is an ok way to entertain clients in 2014.

It could be a difficult conversation, but you might find he's already really embarassed about it all. Maybe suggest next time they go to the casino instead!

ToYouToMe · 19/02/2015 11:37

@ Random - I would guess that clubs have confidentiality rules about the disclosure of information

@ Grace and OP - if this is family money, and can't be claimed back, that's a major violation for me (along with the moral issues already discussed)

Ilovemybedbaby · 19/02/2015 11:41

Yes I'm female, my friends boyfriend used to go all the time so we went to find out how far they went, thinking it would just be top off and do a little dance. We were oh so wrong, it was really bad I didn't know where to look, I luckerly didn't get straddled but my friend, then she swiped her nipple through her lips!! We couldn't get out quick enough! We were very pissed and thought it would be funny, it really wasn't!! And they looked about 18!!

Fairenuff · 19/02/2015 11:42

The point about reimbursing the money, OP, is not so much about whether you can afford it but whether strip clubs are something that the company will pay for. It's seems unlikely doesn't it.

How long ago was this corporate event?

dominogocatgo · 19/02/2015 11:49

Do these men (or indeed women) that go to strip clubs "buy girls like pieces of meat" , or hire them for their professional entertainment skills ?

Fairenuff · 19/02/2015 11:55

If straight men paid to watch other men strip off for entertainment purposes then you might have a point domino but this is the sex industry, not X Factor.

shutupayaface · 19/02/2015 12:06

For people who say that strip clubs or now known as gentlemen clubs are an outdated thing of the past think again - I visited my old student city not long ago a lot of my favourite old haunts are now converted into these clubs.Sad It seems in some ways we have gone backwards. Just look at all the music videos arses gyrating everywhere. I think things are worse than the 70s in some ways.

Op it's not good. Just tell him you don't want it to happen again and move on don't torture yourself over the details, it isn't worth it. Sorry you feel bad.Flowers

Momagain1 · 19/02/2015 12:13

if ones job involves entertaining clients or covering other expenses and being reimbursed, it can be a good idea to figure out the average and manage your schedule of appointments and expenses so that the result is spending the same funds, over and over. You have to mentally set aside that sum, outside your household budget, until the final reimbursement when you retire or take a new job. It isnt stealing from the family budget if it is predictable, because the long term 'loan' of those funds to the employer is a cost of having that sort of job.

Now, if someone doesn't usually have to spend funds on work, a sudden drop in the family account is highly problematic. Especially if the employee had no real opportunity to sort it at home beforehand, or it couldn't be sorted other than telling the boss it cannot be afforded, which is another set of problems. i can see thinking of it as theft if the expenses themselves were not only unexpected, but beyond the usual range off coffee/meal/drinks.

But if his job usually involves expenses and reimbursements, it isnt theft from home, IMO, unless the cost was higher than usual.

BumWad · 19/02/2015 12:24

I can't see that money being spent on pressies, surely wouldn't do it on the joint account knowing you would see it! Bet it's the cost of booze.

BumWad · 19/02/2015 12:24

Prossies!*

850Pro · 19/02/2015 12:27

transactions at 110 and 130 sounds like bottle service to me?

Original poster
Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 12:35

Ilove. That's so worrying to me to know that's what goes on. (And I accept thats probably mild for some places) That's a huge line crossed in my book and is utterly unforgivable. I'm so drained by this and I haven't even addressed it with him yet. I guess his reaction will tell me what I need to know in terms of is this something that he sees no harm in or as chimchimini suggested is something he's not too keen on on the whole. Either way now I have to decided how I'm going to address it and where we go from here. Thanks again to all. And to that poster who says we are moving backwards rather than forwards on these clubs and sexualisation in general I couldn't agree more!

OP posts:
Original poster
Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 12:40

Shutup thank you for the flowers and kind words. I feel a fool though and I really dont take kindly to anyone who makes me feel like that.

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Original poster
Graceunderfire01 · 19/02/2015 12:40

Shutup obviously meant angry at him not you!!!

OP posts:
Ilovemybedbaby · 19/02/2015 12:48

Op I didn't want to upset u anymore than u are, it's a huge line crossed, u need to talk to him, maybe just maybe it wasn't his bill but the clients! Flowers to you x

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