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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

is he lying???

435 replies

confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 19:04

hi I've been a lurker on these boards for ages reading all the brilliant advice but never posted but here goes...
my boyf and I have been together about 2 yrs and although we don't live together we are now planning to move in together and hopefully have a family I was all up for this until fri night but now I'm confused....he went out with his friends fri night , called me before he left all love u etc etc and said he would keep in touch or let me know he got back ok....This didnt happen which I wasnt too bothered about but then we were meant to ve spending the day together sat ( as I had been really upset friday about something unrelated ) anyway I couldn't get hold of him at all sat sent msgs tried his phone LOTS which was off strangely as he's normally got it in his hand constantly...I was meant to be cooking dinner for us and it was all prepared...he finally rang at 8pm saying something along the lines of left his phone at a mates blah blah blah n then he would be over in a couple of hrs even tho id been waiting for him all day worried! He turned up at 10pm n refused to talk about it ie ive said I'm sorry can we forget about it now etc but its really bothered me.... Some things he said don't seem to make sense but he won't talk about it...either he's lying or just couldn't give a toss how I feel.....I know no one can say for definete he is/isnt lying just someone to talk to would be good as he won't discuss it and me over thinking it is poss making it worse....

OP posts:
feelinghothothot · 09/02/2015 19:10

This isn't going to make you feel better, but he has something to hide. No doubt. But he just wants to wish it away

ImperialBlether · 09/02/2015 19:12

It doesn't look good, I'm afraid.

Mum4Fergus · 09/02/2015 19:14

Id certainly not be making plans to move in with him ...

BuzzardBird · 09/02/2015 19:15

He doesn't matter whether he is lying or not. He didn't give a rat's ass about you waiting around for him all day. He has no respect for you.

You won't believe it now but you are lucky to have found this out before you have spent time and money moving in with him.

You can do better.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/02/2015 19:16

There's nothing like 'can we forget about it?' to make you do the complete opposite. A good relationship is based on trust and honesty. If he's being evasive he's not doing himself any favours and it's got to make you think twice. Suggest that's what you tell him.

LadyBlaBlah · 09/02/2015 19:24

What has he said that doesn't make sense?

LineRunner · 09/02/2015 19:26

What things don't add up?

BolshierAyraStark · 09/02/2015 19:34

In your position he'd have the option to discuss in full or fuck the fuck off.

He's being completely dismissive & he didn't give a shit about you on Saturday while he was doing whatever he doesn't want to discuss.

No way would I move in with this particular that Hmm

BolshierAyraStark · 09/02/2015 19:35

Twat-bloody auto correct

confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 19:48

things dont add up as in....I sent a couple of whatssaps to his phone fri night just saying hope hes having a good night n one was a jokey thing he had asked me to forward....they didnt deliver ( ie phone off ) and the ones I sent saying call me when ur up sat morning didnt either so assumed he had passed out pissed not charged phone etc...but then they did all deliver sat lunchtime ( whatssap tells u what time ) but when I tried to call 15 min later when I noticed phone was off again n stayed off till he phoned at 8pm so doesnt really ring true that phone was dead at his mates n his mate was out so he couldnt get it till then....plus I was calling his house phone lots he says he was either asleep or out seeing if his mate was in...but if I was in that position I would have done 1471 when I woke up n called back to say lost phone etc I'm ok but gonna be late
..plus sent txt to his work phone ( also off ) incase he had lost his phone n didnt have my number on that one but he says he didnt charge it as only got a charger for his van not a home one....I have just spoken to him n told him im still upset about sat n why cant we discuss it n he says I'm going massively ott n hes said hes sorry....

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 09/02/2015 19:53

He can't even bother to think up a lie. I stand by what I said above^

confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 19:54

he says hes told me...left phone at mates turned up in the end so whats the problem I'm annoying him by going ott apparently about nothing. ..

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confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 19:56

Don't think I explained myself very well there...ie someone must have switched his phone on sat lunchtime for my msgs to deliver although he didnt read any of them till after he called sat night

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confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 20:36

what do I do??? I was so happy friday n felt settled now I can't think straight and am questioning everything feel so insecure Sad

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BolshierAyraStark · 09/02/2015 20:47

He's basically telling you to stfu by saying you're annoying him going on about nothing. He clearly has something to hide, why did he make no attempt to contact you on Saturday? You'd made plans to spend the day together yet he went off radar & now can't even be bothered to think up a decent excuse/lie as to why?!

He's a knob, this is the only bit of info you need. What would I do? Show him the door, permanently.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2015 20:47

I have no idea if he has been up to anything, but I wouldn't tolerate being treated like this mostly the way he is trying to get you to STFU.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 09/02/2015 20:49

Someone switched his dead phone on on Sat lunchtime and then switched it off again? Who charged it? Just ...what?

confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 20:49

thanks ladies.... I'm gutted dont really know what to say but I appreciate the advice x

OP posts:
mix56 · 09/02/2015 20:54

Sorry, he is pissing you about, he was doing something he wants to hide, thinks, he was with a girl).
Do not move in, he is dicking about, Soz

AnyFucker · 09/02/2015 20:58

Once, way back in the mists of time, my now-husband pulled this stunt. We were meant to be going to a family event and he buggered off to the pub "just for a couple" then did a disappearing act for hours.

I looked a right nob trying to explain away his absence and trying to comfort my best mate whose own partner was obviously MIA with him

They both rolled up pissed, when all the food was ruined etc.

I gave him the absolute nuclear treatment. Made it clear this was the first and last time he would do this to me. The next day, he apologised and meant it. There has been no repeat in over 20 years, or at least he has told me when he is going off-plan which is all I expected of him.

Unfortunately, I can't say the same for the other couple. He continued being a dick, making a fool of her and turned out to be an arsehole.

You have a cross roads here, love and you are more in control of it than you think

You can't change his behaviour but you can choose how you respond to it. Give him his warning if you wish but you have to mean it, and he has to know that you mean it. If you simply get more "stop nagging" type responses, then you know what you have to do.

Wittynamehere · 09/02/2015 20:59

Like others have said, sorry I have to agree with them he has been up to something that he is lying about.

Ouchbloodyouch · 09/02/2015 21:34

My ex did this after he had been out with ow. Didn't turn up when he said he would and couldn't even be arsed to make something up. He said 'can we change the subject' if I could have my time again I would have shown him the door there and then.

confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 21:38

thank u for your replies...hes not bothered is he! was just chatting to him but the mate his phone was meant to be at has just turned up at his so hes had to go. ..again ...

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/02/2015 21:40
Hmm
confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 22:22

@ anyfucker....thats exactly what he would do...stop moaning ive said I'm sorry etc ...

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